In 2006, I ran 5 road races. 4 5k's and one out of state Half-Marathon. I purchased approximately 5 pairs of running shoes. I almost ran my 5th marathon, but quit mid-training. I traveled to 2 places I'd never been; Charlotte, NC., & Asheville, NC. I saw an NFL game in Charlotte. I lounged, ran and ate in Asheville where I discovered a great restaurant called Limones. While there on a trail run, I also lost my car key, was locked out in the middle of no where and met a guy with a kind soul who helped this stranded one. I flew to San Francisco and Las Vegas to be with old friends. I joined a group for about 3 months and found new friends. I read more books than I ever have in my life and although I don't think my vocabulary has improved, I am better now at crossword puzzles. I gave flowers. I received flowers. I found a great pal at work. I lost a person who was an inspriation to me only after being in my life for 5 months. He was the first person to come along in like forever who had inspired me. He used to work in my office and now is elsewhere. I took risks in love. I took risks at work. I think I have quit being so full of anger and grief for all I have lost. I saw lots of mediocre and crappy movies like The Break-up, The Lake House, & Inside Man. I saw a few good ones like Bobby, United 93, & Little Miss Sunshine. I poured oodles of money into Stabucks and Peets Coffee. I was gone for awhile and then I came back and you know what, It's nice to see me again!!
Oh, AND…I found neat, neat folks via a place called blogger.com :)
As we head into the new year, I hope to create one of more risk, more adventure & more fun.
For 2007, these are my 3 BIG GOALS
Run a 50 mile race
Ride a 100 mile bike race or ride solo
Take a vacation to Seattle, Vancouver or outside North America
For the Month Of January (Every month, I plan to give up something new)
Give up cookies and candy.
I would love to hear yuor stories and plans!! Cheers
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Go Figure
Ok. I have no problem giving money away to a stranger(see previous post) but i get seriously irritated when my change is "stolen" by the freaking vending machines, post office machines, and more recently, the freaking newspaper machines. Very, very irritating. Kinda a funny thing about me. Fifty cents and i'm pissed!! LOL
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Santa Shows Up
A couple of weeks ago, I went into a local burrito place after my gym workout. I got in line, ordered my usual burrito and moved on down toward the cashier. As i did so, i noticed there was some playful banter going on behind the counter. I heard the cashier say to another young woman, “you’re just being nice cause you think santa is gonna come visit you”
Other woman says, “shoot, there ain’t no santa.”
This really caught my attention. I looked up and said, “what, you don’t believe in santa.?”
She was caught. She looked up at me and just grinned and shook her head no. “wow. Ah, man, you Gotta believe in Santa” I said.
I paid for my burrito and left.
Of course, this was just a good-natured ribbing/teasing going on. The young woman was african-american with a sweet smile, and couldn’t have been more then 24. I left and kept thinking about her and that i wanted to do something for her before christmas.
Fast forward to this past week. A few days ago I went into the burrito place and talked to the same cashier who had waited on me before. I asked, “do you remember the girl who said she didn’t believe in santa claus?” “Yeah, it was Janet.”
“Is Janet here tonight?”
“No, she’ll be here on Friday.” The woman smiled at me like she knew i was up to something.
Fast forward to yesterday, Friday December 22.
Someone at work had given me a very small palm sized tin with a gift card in it. I took the gift card out and replaced it with a $50 dollar bill and went down to the burrito place.
I saw that Janet was working and there were no customers in line. I went up to the counter and asked, “Are you Janet?”
Looking at me a bit suspiciously, she said quietly, “yeah..”
“Do you remember i came in a couple of weeks ago and you had said you didn’t believe in santa?”
She smiled and blushed a bit and tried to recall the conversation.
“yeah, i think so..did i say that? yeah, i guess i did.”
I looked at her, smiled, and put the tin case on the counter. Sliding it over to her, I said, “well, santa wants you to have this.”
She took the tin, opened it, saw the $50 bill and exclaimed, “oh my god, are you serious!!??!!”
“YEAH” I said
She was laughing, smiling and walked over to my side of the counter and gave me a great big hug. “merry christmas.” I said
We parted from the hug and i pointed to the tin and said, “i hope you can buy something for yourself”
“oh my god, thank you so much. thank you. thank you. thank you.”
Another big hug from Janet.
We wished each other another merry christmas and i left. Once i got outside and out of sight, i let my feelings out...my laughter, my smiles and i jumped up and down. i was so damn happy. i cannot even tell you. my words will never do the moment justice. the look on Janet, a stranger’s face, was so remarkable. She was utterly stunned by the gift, the gesture. She was thrilled. To watch the transformation of her face from the time i walked in until the time i departed was priceless. I was so happy to do this act..to give this gift.
Who knows what the money will be able to buy. Maybe a gift for a child she has? Maybe a gift for a parent? A boyfriend? Herself? I don’t know and it’s not my business to know. I’m just so freaking happy i thought to do this and that i had it to give. It was my pleasure.
And to me, this is what Christmas is about.....
Other woman says, “shoot, there ain’t no santa.”
This really caught my attention. I looked up and said, “what, you don’t believe in santa.?”
She was caught. She looked up at me and just grinned and shook her head no. “wow. Ah, man, you Gotta believe in Santa” I said.
I paid for my burrito and left.
Of course, this was just a good-natured ribbing/teasing going on. The young woman was african-american with a sweet smile, and couldn’t have been more then 24. I left and kept thinking about her and that i wanted to do something for her before christmas.
Fast forward to this past week. A few days ago I went into the burrito place and talked to the same cashier who had waited on me before. I asked, “do you remember the girl who said she didn’t believe in santa claus?” “Yeah, it was Janet.”
“Is Janet here tonight?”
“No, she’ll be here on Friday.” The woman smiled at me like she knew i was up to something.
Fast forward to yesterday, Friday December 22.
Someone at work had given me a very small palm sized tin with a gift card in it. I took the gift card out and replaced it with a $50 dollar bill and went down to the burrito place.
I saw that Janet was working and there were no customers in line. I went up to the counter and asked, “Are you Janet?”
Looking at me a bit suspiciously, she said quietly, “yeah..”
“Do you remember i came in a couple of weeks ago and you had said you didn’t believe in santa?”
She smiled and blushed a bit and tried to recall the conversation.
“yeah, i think so..did i say that? yeah, i guess i did.”
I looked at her, smiled, and put the tin case on the counter. Sliding it over to her, I said, “well, santa wants you to have this.”
She took the tin, opened it, saw the $50 bill and exclaimed, “oh my god, are you serious!!??!!”
“YEAH” I said
She was laughing, smiling and walked over to my side of the counter and gave me a great big hug. “merry christmas.” I said
We parted from the hug and i pointed to the tin and said, “i hope you can buy something for yourself”
“oh my god, thank you so much. thank you. thank you. thank you.”
Another big hug from Janet.
We wished each other another merry christmas and i left. Once i got outside and out of sight, i let my feelings out...my laughter, my smiles and i jumped up and down. i was so damn happy. i cannot even tell you. my words will never do the moment justice. the look on Janet, a stranger’s face, was so remarkable. She was utterly stunned by the gift, the gesture. She was thrilled. To watch the transformation of her face from the time i walked in until the time i departed was priceless. I was so happy to do this act..to give this gift.
Who knows what the money will be able to buy. Maybe a gift for a child she has? Maybe a gift for a parent? A boyfriend? Herself? I don’t know and it’s not my business to know. I’m just so freaking happy i thought to do this and that i had it to give. It was my pleasure.
And to me, this is what Christmas is about.....
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Stocking Stuffer
What I would put in your stockings
Maggie: Hooters Hat, COOL running Shoes
Zoe: hook/bait; piggy bank for alaska
Trin: dance partner, gift card to A&F
Kelly: pre-paid BART card, Pema Chodron's "Start Where You Are"
R.D.: I tunes gift card, 6-pack
Claire: shoe rack, self-care kit with compassion for self
Sassy: memory card for all the pics u take, gift card to STAPLES
Theresa: someone to lock lips with
Storm: courage
Only daughter: lasagna, time
Maggie: Hooters Hat, COOL running Shoes
Zoe: hook/bait; piggy bank for alaska
Trin: dance partner, gift card to A&F
Kelly: pre-paid BART card, Pema Chodron's "Start Where You Are"
R.D.: I tunes gift card, 6-pack
Claire: shoe rack, self-care kit with compassion for self
Sassy: memory card for all the pics u take, gift card to STAPLES
Theresa: someone to lock lips with
Storm: courage
Only daughter: lasagna, time
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
boxes
The assumptions we hold about one another put us in little boxes that limit who
we can be in each others eyes.
It is all too easy to put someone in a box. I think we do it all the time whether we know it or not. We put people in boxes...we probably even put our blog buddies in boxes. It's not right or wrong, it just is. Yet, as we do this, it is easy to KEEP someone in a box. We also put ourselves in boxes, don't we. We use words like, "can't", "not able" etc... We put ourselves in boxes too and it's tough sometimes to get out. My charge for today for anyone who reads this is to take a moment to see what box you have yourself in. What box do you have someone else in? Can you open the box? Could you be willing to see something else? It might be easy, it might not be. But, isn't it worth a go?
Friday, December 15, 2006
Sneaking in
We wanted to get away for the long weekend so we went to a favorite spot; a quaint little town in Marin County, California called MILL VALLEY. One of my absolute favorite spots in the United States. It’s tucked away about 20 minutes north of San Francisco, across the Golden Gate Bridge. To get into downtown, you drive on a windy, one-lane road. There are windy streets all through Mill Valley…streets that go up and up in elevation with trees all around. Wonderful and aromatic Eucalyptus trees fill the streets as one walks along. The downtown consists of just a few streets, more like a square. Most of the shops are independent quaint places that have things you might not find anywhere else. One of my favorite spots is actually a grocery store that also has an incredible wine shop and deli attached. We went in and roamed around and picked out food we would eater later on. Me, my usual, salami and swiss sandwich on a baguette, plain. Perfect. She ordered some other sandwich filled with dressings and such. We perused the wine selection and picked out a 1/2 bottle of chardonnay we would have later on, pre-dinner. The grocery store trip alone was a treat…it felt romantic, it felt special…because as we walked around separately, I would once in a while look up to see what she was looking at…what it was that caught her eye. I love doing that….looking at her when she doesn't know it. Noticing what her hands touch and what she reads…noticing the facial expressions she might make while looking over a particular something.
Anyways, we left the grocery with items in tow and headed up the main street and through the downtown area. Walking up the street and into the neighborhoods, I took a few deep breaths. I love the air here. It always feel fresher, cleaner….on the other side of the hills, lies the pacific ocean. We made our way through a little park and find the STEPS. The 100 or so stairs that mark the Dipsea Trail which is nestled between houses, basically. We climb and climb…noticing the houses along the way and make notes of liking this part or that part of a certain house. After about 1.5 miles up, we find a clearing and had our lunch. It was a clear late September Day and here in Northern California…a perfect temperature that would settle nicely lower as dusk came.
We walked and made the return trip back toward town and then drove to the cottage rental not to far away. We sat on the sofa overlooking the backyard gardnen…the last bit of sunlight sneaking is as we talked of the walk and what we saw…talked of downtown and places we wanted to go and check out…we opened that half bottle of wine, sipped and slowly got ready for our dinner date. She always takes a bit longer than me so I had more time to sit on the sofa and just be…relish in the moment of being in a favorite place with her..the one who makes my heart skip.
We made our way to the restaurant and sat near the open fireplace. She lets me look over the wine list because I know more about wine and she wants me to pick. {I love this, buy the way}. I look across at her and smile inside…she looks lovely sitting there across from me…the dim light shining so perfectly on her skin. The wine comes and we toast. We toast silently, smiling at one another. And I know. I know.
Anyways, we left the grocery with items in tow and headed up the main street and through the downtown area. Walking up the street and into the neighborhoods, I took a few deep breaths. I love the air here. It always feel fresher, cleaner….on the other side of the hills, lies the pacific ocean. We made our way through a little park and find the STEPS. The 100 or so stairs that mark the Dipsea Trail which is nestled between houses, basically. We climb and climb…noticing the houses along the way and make notes of liking this part or that part of a certain house. After about 1.5 miles up, we find a clearing and had our lunch. It was a clear late September Day and here in Northern California…a perfect temperature that would settle nicely lower as dusk came.
We walked and made the return trip back toward town and then drove to the cottage rental not to far away. We sat on the sofa overlooking the backyard gardnen…the last bit of sunlight sneaking is as we talked of the walk and what we saw…talked of downtown and places we wanted to go and check out…we opened that half bottle of wine, sipped and slowly got ready for our dinner date. She always takes a bit longer than me so I had more time to sit on the sofa and just be…relish in the moment of being in a favorite place with her..the one who makes my heart skip.
We made our way to the restaurant and sat near the open fireplace. She lets me look over the wine list because I know more about wine and she wants me to pick. {I love this, buy the way}. I look across at her and smile inside…she looks lovely sitting there across from me…the dim light shining so perfectly on her skin. The wine comes and we toast. We toast silently, smiling at one another. And I know. I know.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
CoffeeHouse Mishap #2
If you have read my post titled http://trippedbyit.blogspot.com/2006/11/stuff.html, you would be familiar with the coffeehouse I have spoken of in the past. I had another mishap this morning. It was actually a bit of a dilemma on whether I would go there or not this morning as I was running late to work. But, I wanted to get something to eat and pick up a WSJ, so I made the stop. This place has the BEST muffins I have ever tasted, but today I passed on them. I ordered a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with cream cheese to go. I pay for it and then the very nice guy goes away and comes back again and says. "ok. It will be ready in just a few minutes."
(I then realize they must be toasting it which I did not want because I can do it at my office) So, I say: "oh, I don't need that toasted." nice guy says, "oh, I charged you to have it toasted. Sorry about that." Me, "oh, no..that's fine." Nice Guy. "oh, do you want the 40 cents back". "no, that's ok."
So, then I wait for him to give me the bag with the bagel and cream cheese which should have only taken a few seconds….but I wait….and wait and I am thinking why is it taking so long. My state of being is curious, not angry or impatient. I just wait and then I get my bag and realize they PUT THE CREAM CHEESE ON THE UNTOASTED BAGEL. Boy, here's to either me being not specific or me being misunderstood or there is just something going on over at that coffeehouse.
(I then realize they must be toasting it which I did not want because I can do it at my office) So, I say: "oh, I don't need that toasted." nice guy says, "oh, I charged you to have it toasted. Sorry about that." Me, "oh, no..that's fine." Nice Guy. "oh, do you want the 40 cents back". "no, that's ok."
So, then I wait for him to give me the bag with the bagel and cream cheese which should have only taken a few seconds….but I wait….and wait and I am thinking why is it taking so long. My state of being is curious, not angry or impatient. I just wait and then I get my bag and realize they PUT THE CREAM CHEESE ON THE UNTOASTED BAGEL. Boy, here's to either me being not specific or me being misunderstood or there is just something going on over at that coffeehouse.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Ahhh........
I love this picture. Simple, Elegant, Beautiful.......
It must be a ladies day in blogland..........
It must be a ladies day in blogland..........
random things..
I collect stamps. I buy new books or sheets and always keep at least one stamp from the pack. The other night I broke out in singing "America the Beautiful" and "The Star Spangled Banner" in my bedroom. It made me realize my (secret) dream would be to sing one of these songs at a major league baseball game. I just love that…the filled stadium on a beautiful warm spring weekend afternoon…all the colors of the crowd. I love those moments and I hate if I go to the game with someone and they make us late and I miss the national anthem. So, yes…I wish I could sing and sing well enough to do such a event, but my voice would have scrambling headed for the exits….so, I keep it in the confines of my house or vehicle….i make coffee alomost every morning at home and then take it to work. But, I don't have a "to-go" mug or container so I just take it in my coffee mug. Yes, it makes it more prone to spills and always by the time I get to work, coffee is cold. I don't know why I just don’t go buy a "to-go" container….i am fine with spending money in casinos, but it takes SO MUCH EFFORT for me to buy things like socks for work. I don’t nearly have enough and even some I have are total mismatch but I wear them anyway because they are same color….i probably have about 50 journals from my past writings... I don't really get people's fascination and adoration of diamonds. I am not attracted to diamonds at all. I've seen folks wedding rings and such and I think to myself "wow, I would NEVER wear that". I have one piece of jewelry that I wear…it is a plain gold signet ring, except I never put my initials on it. I thought it looked better empty. A good friend of mine gave it to me as I graduated from college and dedicated it to me on the inside of the ring. Very cool…. I ate quiche for the first time this past weekend and really liked it….before I started wearing glasses at about age 25, people used to always make comments on how long my eyelashes are….now, no one ever says that….are they not long anymore?
Sunday, December 10, 2006
for Mercedes B.
Written 8/31/02
I saw you twice
these past 2 years
The former,
My early December 2000 surprise visit
Rising in the elevator,
I can hardly wait to surprise you
You, who said you’d probably never see me again,
Would be so glad, I thought
Watching TV
in your tiny cluttered apartment
You were expecting someone else --
A regualr, weekend visitor
Feeling the door unlocked, I enter
TV person’s voice filling the room
You, with your back to me, can’t even hear me walk in
Walking in and kneeling down in front of you
I see you are shocked, joyfully shaken
By my enexpected visit
Covering your face with both hands
You gasp and cry
...happy to see my face again
Moving ahead to early September 2001
Just a few weeks shy of my thirteeth birthday
Another visit back home
To see you - celebrate with you
Instead,
A premature phone call
That late night call one always dreads
(something has to be wrong)
On the other end, I know.
My sister’s voice
Quiet
Intermittenly shaking
“...grandma passed away”
Soon enough
I see you once again
My once eager steps now slower
more deliberate
Dreaded, even
You are lying down
Quietly forever asleep
In what I see will be your permanent bed
Not prepared to see you this way
so cold
so still
so “made up” - like a gypsy, as you would say
This scene, so unlike the last one
So devoid of the noise
the smiles
the laughter
This time,
i am the one surprised, shocked
covering my face with both hands
shivering, weeping
remembering the last time i saw you
I saw you twice
these past 2 years
The former,
My early December 2000 surprise visit
Rising in the elevator,
I can hardly wait to surprise you
You, who said you’d probably never see me again,
Would be so glad, I thought
Watching TV
in your tiny cluttered apartment
You were expecting someone else --
A regualr, weekend visitor
Feeling the door unlocked, I enter
TV person’s voice filling the room
You, with your back to me, can’t even hear me walk in
Walking in and kneeling down in front of you
I see you are shocked, joyfully shaken
By my enexpected visit
Covering your face with both hands
You gasp and cry
...happy to see my face again
Moving ahead to early September 2001
Just a few weeks shy of my thirteeth birthday
Another visit back home
To see you - celebrate with you
Instead,
A premature phone call
That late night call one always dreads
(something has to be wrong)
On the other end, I know.
My sister’s voice
Quiet
Intermittenly shaking
“...grandma passed away”
Soon enough
I see you once again
My once eager steps now slower
more deliberate
Dreaded, even
You are lying down
Quietly forever asleep
In what I see will be your permanent bed
Not prepared to see you this way
so cold
so still
so “made up” - like a gypsy, as you would say
This scene, so unlike the last one
So devoid of the noise
the smiles
the laughter
This time,
i am the one surprised, shocked
covering my face with both hands
shivering, weeping
remembering the last time i saw you
Friday, December 08, 2006
one time...
>>It wasn’t ALL bad. Of course, it wasn’t. There were a few good memories. I recall such one during Christmas. Actually, some of my most pleasant and joyful memories are those of the biggest and most grand holiday of the year. And because of this simple fact, i might wonder why i, personally, don’t put more of an effort into Christmas...to make it special and memorable for myself. Well, anyway...
It must have been Christmas 1980. NIKE was very popular at that time (when hasn’t it been popular?) But back in 1980, there were true Waffle bottom shoes. They were the coolest. The neatest. And, the shoes that I HAD to have. Not only because I wanted to fit in with the rest of my 5th grade classmates, but because I wanted them badly and I rarely wanted anything, much less voiced the desire.
Considering we were what they call a “low income family”, I had little hope I would actually get the shoes. I knew it was one of the most expensive things and the possibility of me receiving them was slim. Oh, have i mentioned that at this time, I still believed in Santa Claus? I bought in to the whole story. It wasn’t until maybe the 6th grade where my belief was shattered by a boy by the name of Eric Landt. I felt stupid. So behind the times when everyone else seemed to know it was just a fairy tale. Everyone except me. Well, back to the Christmas at hand. As usual, on Christmas eve, us 4 kids pushed the boys 2 twin beds together and the 4 of us slept side by side in my brothers bedroom. It was one of the only traditions we ever had. We awoke in the darkness of a winter Christmas morning...all 4 of us scurrying to see what Santa had brought. Well, that year, I cannot remember what Santa brought, but i do remember opening a special gift mom had set aside for me....my red Nike waffle shoes. red with a white stripe. I was thrilled. I couldn’t believe she got them for me. I had no idea how she afforded it. I think this was about the time i began to believe in miracles and understood how much my mom loved me. We had nothing and yet, she gave me everything with that one gift. It wasn’t even about the shoes...but the fact that she knew i wanted those more than anything and made it happen. There was a miracle...on 465 W. Broadmoor Street.
It must have been Christmas 1980. NIKE was very popular at that time (when hasn’t it been popular?) But back in 1980, there were true Waffle bottom shoes. They were the coolest. The neatest. And, the shoes that I HAD to have. Not only because I wanted to fit in with the rest of my 5th grade classmates, but because I wanted them badly and I rarely wanted anything, much less voiced the desire.
Considering we were what they call a “low income family”, I had little hope I would actually get the shoes. I knew it was one of the most expensive things and the possibility of me receiving them was slim. Oh, have i mentioned that at this time, I still believed in Santa Claus? I bought in to the whole story. It wasn’t until maybe the 6th grade where my belief was shattered by a boy by the name of Eric Landt. I felt stupid. So behind the times when everyone else seemed to know it was just a fairy tale. Everyone except me. Well, back to the Christmas at hand. As usual, on Christmas eve, us 4 kids pushed the boys 2 twin beds together and the 4 of us slept side by side in my brothers bedroom. It was one of the only traditions we ever had. We awoke in the darkness of a winter Christmas morning...all 4 of us scurrying to see what Santa had brought. Well, that year, I cannot remember what Santa brought, but i do remember opening a special gift mom had set aside for me....my red Nike waffle shoes. red with a white stripe. I was thrilled. I couldn’t believe she got them for me. I had no idea how she afforded it. I think this was about the time i began to believe in miracles and understood how much my mom loved me. We had nothing and yet, she gave me everything with that one gift. It wasn’t even about the shoes...but the fact that she knew i wanted those more than anything and made it happen. There was a miracle...on 465 W. Broadmoor Street.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Thursday Questions
Got this from
petal with some editing...
Do you like your handwriting?
What is your favourite luncheon meat?
Would you bungee jump?
Do you keep a journal?
What is your favourite cereal?
Do you untie your shoes before you take them off?
Who do you miss the most?
If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
First thing you notice about someone you are attracted to?
Do you wear contacts?
Last thing you ate?
What is your least favourite thing about yourself?
What's on your mousepad?
Favourite sounds?
The furthest you've been from home?
What is your special talent?
Do you like your handwriting?
What is your favourite luncheon meat?
Would you bungee jump?
Do you keep a journal?
What is your favourite cereal?
Do you untie your shoes before you take them off?
Who do you miss the most?
If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
First thing you notice about someone you are attracted to?
Do you wear contacts?
Last thing you ate?
What is your least favourite thing about yourself?
What's on your mousepad?
Favourite sounds?
The furthest you've been from home?
What is your special talent?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
For George...
Today, I am remembering someone who passed away a year ago on this date. His name was George Funtanilla. He was not my father, nor my step father; he is the father of my two older brothers. (My mom gave me his name..long story for another time)
Anyways…George was rarely in my life as a child. He and my mom had been married and had the two boys. Before I came along, they were divorced. His life was a hard one. He treated his body badly with drugs, alcohol and smoking for years and years. He spent some time in prison, in rehabilitation places and on the streets. I don't believe he ever had a steady job of any sort. He was truly on the periphery of my life and someone I held at arms length in my early years because, "he was not my dad."
I believe my mothers death had a big effect on him. Even though they had been divorced for many years, he still had such a crazy thing for her. Perhaps, she had been the love of his life. I'm not sure. They were crazy & wild together and were high school sweethearts.
So, the years passed and I grew up and he and I kept in touch every so often. He was ALWAYS sweet and kind to me. He had absolutely nothing and yet, he was one of the most carefree, loving, non-judgemental, and forgiving people I have ever known. He was silly, like a child. He made jokes and laughed like a little kid. It was such an endearing quality.
When his mother died in the late 1990's and his brothers picked him up off some bad streets of San Francisco, he cleaned up his act. He was drug and alcohol free from that time on. He moved up to an indian reservation in northern california where I talked to him more since we were closer in proximity. (before I moved to GA.) He loved living there with the sweat lodges, the simple people, and the cleaner air. When I graduated from college in 1999, he was in the crowd and I couldn't have been more happy to have him there. That day, he decided to quit smoking.
Then his body took a turn. For the next 5 years, his body just simply broke down. He had a hip replacement. He had by-pass surgery. He had trouble breathing and carried around an oxygen tank. He frequently had to be taken by ambulance or helicopter to the hospital. His organs were slowly shutting down, little by little, one by one. His liver was in bad shape; his lungs were in worse shape. And yet, all throughout, he never lost his ability to laugh, joke, smile, flirt with the nurses, charm everyone in sight or have a positive attitude. Over these years, he and I grew very close. We called each other and shared and mostly, I let him in, instead of keeping him at bay. He was not my father, but he was the only father I knew and he said things to me I always wanted to hear from a dad: "I'm so proud of you". "I love you" "I tell everyone about you and how proud I am of you". He had pictures of me in his house and he would always tell those who came over, "that's my daughter." For me, who is such a serious person, I could never be serious around him because he was such a goofball. What a wonderful thing. In my hallway, I have 2 pictures of he and I. We are sitting on the deck of a house with Lake Tahoe in the background. It is a clear and beautiful day and we are hugging and smiling. They are beautiful shots and I am so happy to have them. I looked at them this morning and smiled.
A year ago, his body just gave out. He died in his home as he sat in his lounge chair. His dog, Little Guy, was near.
I am not sad in this recollection. I feel warmth and I feel love.
Dad, you are in my heart.
Anyways…George was rarely in my life as a child. He and my mom had been married and had the two boys. Before I came along, they were divorced. His life was a hard one. He treated his body badly with drugs, alcohol and smoking for years and years. He spent some time in prison, in rehabilitation places and on the streets. I don't believe he ever had a steady job of any sort. He was truly on the periphery of my life and someone I held at arms length in my early years because, "he was not my dad."
I believe my mothers death had a big effect on him. Even though they had been divorced for many years, he still had such a crazy thing for her. Perhaps, she had been the love of his life. I'm not sure. They were crazy & wild together and were high school sweethearts.
So, the years passed and I grew up and he and I kept in touch every so often. He was ALWAYS sweet and kind to me. He had absolutely nothing and yet, he was one of the most carefree, loving, non-judgemental, and forgiving people I have ever known. He was silly, like a child. He made jokes and laughed like a little kid. It was such an endearing quality.
When his mother died in the late 1990's and his brothers picked him up off some bad streets of San Francisco, he cleaned up his act. He was drug and alcohol free from that time on. He moved up to an indian reservation in northern california where I talked to him more since we were closer in proximity. (before I moved to GA.) He loved living there with the sweat lodges, the simple people, and the cleaner air. When I graduated from college in 1999, he was in the crowd and I couldn't have been more happy to have him there. That day, he decided to quit smoking.
Then his body took a turn. For the next 5 years, his body just simply broke down. He had a hip replacement. He had by-pass surgery. He had trouble breathing and carried around an oxygen tank. He frequently had to be taken by ambulance or helicopter to the hospital. His organs were slowly shutting down, little by little, one by one. His liver was in bad shape; his lungs were in worse shape. And yet, all throughout, he never lost his ability to laugh, joke, smile, flirt with the nurses, charm everyone in sight or have a positive attitude. Over these years, he and I grew very close. We called each other and shared and mostly, I let him in, instead of keeping him at bay. He was not my father, but he was the only father I knew and he said things to me I always wanted to hear from a dad: "I'm so proud of you". "I love you" "I tell everyone about you and how proud I am of you". He had pictures of me in his house and he would always tell those who came over, "that's my daughter." For me, who is such a serious person, I could never be serious around him because he was such a goofball. What a wonderful thing. In my hallway, I have 2 pictures of he and I. We are sitting on the deck of a house with Lake Tahoe in the background. It is a clear and beautiful day and we are hugging and smiling. They are beautiful shots and I am so happy to have them. I looked at them this morning and smiled.
A year ago, his body just gave out. He died in his home as he sat in his lounge chair. His dog, Little Guy, was near.
I am not sad in this recollection. I feel warmth and I feel love.
Dad, you are in my heart.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Something I Like
You see, I want a lot.
Perhaps I want everything
The darkness that comes with
Every infinite fall
And the shivering blaze
Of every step up
So many live on and want nothing
And are raised to the rank of prince
By the slippery ease of
Their light judgements
But what you love to see are faces
That do work and feel thirst
You love most of all those who need you
As they need a crowbar or a hoe.
You have not grown old,
And it's not too late
To dive into your increasing depths
Where life calmly gives out
It's own secret
-Rainer Maria Rilke
Perhaps I want everything
The darkness that comes with
Every infinite fall
And the shivering blaze
Of every step up
So many live on and want nothing
And are raised to the rank of prince
By the slippery ease of
Their light judgements
But what you love to see are faces
That do work and feel thirst
You love most of all those who need you
As they need a crowbar or a hoe.
You have not grown old,
And it's not too late
To dive into your increasing depths
Where life calmly gives out
It's own secret
-Rainer Maria Rilke
Friday, December 01, 2006
Friday
For those who don't know atlanta, many streets and sidewalks are in bad shape. Our sewage system has also been something in need of great repair. For the past few months, all thoughout my neighborhood, workers have been everywhere fixing the water line/pipes. Bobcats, Orane Cones, "NO PARKING BETWEEN HOURS 8AM-6PM" have been everywhere. One of the biggest benefits I have seen is the newly paved streets. The thick black tar is smooth like a new rug or a new blanket or something. Yesterday as I went for a run thru the 'hood, I ran up one of the newly paved streets and I swear, I just wanted to lay down in the middle of the street. It was so nice and there were no cars around. It seemed peaceful. I know that must sound bizarre, but that was my urge at the moment.
Last night watching Grey's Anatomy…I got choked up at the end. Am I the only one?
I feel cranky today. Irritable. I guess I don’t' really want to be at work right now. The rain has ceased and the sky is clearing and the temps are dropping. The wind is kicking up some and what sounds good to me is just walking around with a coat on and feeling the air. Maybe dipping in somewhere warm later on to get a hot cocoa. Anyone care to join me?
Last night watching Grey's Anatomy…I got choked up at the end. Am I the only one?
I feel cranky today. Irritable. I guess I don’t' really want to be at work right now. The rain has ceased and the sky is clearing and the temps are dropping. The wind is kicking up some and what sounds good to me is just walking around with a coat on and feeling the air. Maybe dipping in somewhere warm later on to get a hot cocoa. Anyone care to join me?
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Peek-A-Boo
Here I am sitting in the Sportsbook area of WYNN Casino/Resort in Las Vegas last week. My 2 pals and I were watching Monday Night Football, drinking Cosmos, eating, & laughing.
I have somewhat of a goofy grin here…but I also think think the picture is very much me: I am wearing a fleece from the BIRMINGHAM HALF MARATHON (ran in Feb 06), watching football, and drinking a cosmo. Oh, the cosomopolitans were $14.50 each!! Can you beat that??
Something I thought I would share on this rainy day in Atlanta…
Cheers!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Stuff
The other day, I wandered down to a coffeeshop I go to when I want to use free wifi. When I am there, I always get the same thing…small capuccino. It comes in a small cup with a saucer. I mistakenly ordered a latte and after I paid, I said to the young, unfriendly girl…"sorry, I meant capuccino. Do I need to give you more money?" She said, "no, they are the same thing." I said, "oh, you mean they cost the same?" "No, they are the same" (me looking at her confused as all hell) Girl says, "latte and capuccino are the same drink"
I had to bite my tongue to correct her. I was too tired from my running and just wanted to sit down and zone out. Inside, I am thinking.."okay, whatever…where the hell did you come from". (I had not seen her before and I go there quite a bit so she is probably new)
I caught the other young woman who was actually making my drink before she started and said, "the latte is supposed to be a capuccino…and you could put it in a little cup with a saucer instead of that big mug? Thanks!"
Sometimes, you just gotta have it the way you want it. Especially at this particular coffeehouse which charges the most for coffee out of any place I have ever been in my life. Ever. But, the cashier…man…I just wanted to tell her what the freaking difference actually is between the two.
Last night, I went for a massge at a place I usually go to but at a different location. It was last minute cause my aching hamstrings could not wait any longer. So. I went in and the woman asks me what kind of pressure. Do I want deep tissue? Yes, I say…but I will tell you if it is too much pressure.
She says, "o.k., so just so you know…deep tissue is $15.00 extra." I wanted to just roll my eyes at her…in fact, I probably did roll my eyes. "okay" I said. (let me just say that NO ONE has EVER brought up a fee while I am standing in the massge room) It's a spa so the fees are already known and discussed beforehand, not with the massage therapist.
Anyways, the massage progressed and if that was a deep tissue that I got for $90, I was seriously RIPPED OFF. So, you know what…YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!!
I need a drink.... or a hug.... :)
I had to bite my tongue to correct her. I was too tired from my running and just wanted to sit down and zone out. Inside, I am thinking.."okay, whatever…where the hell did you come from". (I had not seen her before and I go there quite a bit so she is probably new)
I caught the other young woman who was actually making my drink before she started and said, "the latte is supposed to be a capuccino…and you could put it in a little cup with a saucer instead of that big mug? Thanks!"
Sometimes, you just gotta have it the way you want it. Especially at this particular coffeehouse which charges the most for coffee out of any place I have ever been in my life. Ever. But, the cashier…man…I just wanted to tell her what the freaking difference actually is between the two.
Last night, I went for a massge at a place I usually go to but at a different location. It was last minute cause my aching hamstrings could not wait any longer. So. I went in and the woman asks me what kind of pressure. Do I want deep tissue? Yes, I say…but I will tell you if it is too much pressure.
She says, "o.k., so just so you know…deep tissue is $15.00 extra." I wanted to just roll my eyes at her…in fact, I probably did roll my eyes. "okay" I said. (let me just say that NO ONE has EVER brought up a fee while I am standing in the massge room) It's a spa so the fees are already known and discussed beforehand, not with the massage therapist.
Anyways, the massage progressed and if that was a deep tissue that I got for $90, I was seriously RIPPED OFF. So, you know what…YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!!
I need a drink.... or a hug.... :)
Saturday, November 25, 2006
pulling a rabbit out of a hat
1. what are you hungry for?
2. what are you hopeful about?
3. what or who made you smile recently?
4. what makes you giddy?
5. what are you regretting?
6. what are you looking forward to?
7. who did you give a hug to last?
8. what drives you crazy?
9. what are you generous with?
10. have you given your best today? do you know what that would look like?
Are you still HUNGRY? FOR WHAT??
2. what are you hopeful about?
3. what or who made you smile recently?
4. what makes you giddy?
5. what are you regretting?
6. what are you looking forward to?
7. who did you give a hug to last?
8. what drives you crazy?
9. what are you generous with?
10. have you given your best today? do you know what that would look like?
Are you still HUNGRY? FOR WHAT??
Saturday, November 18, 2006
a different color...
DECLARATION
(written 1/4/03)
I am leaving him
Today, at 4 o’clock,
I am leaving
I have packed my green suitcase
and I am leaving
I am lucky
I am not a battered wife,
A misfit mistress
Or a kept woman
I am not any of those things you might think
But, I am leaving
And I am leaving the deepest vacancy I can imagine
I am leaving the ice cold hands that touch me
And the hollow eyes that look past me
I am leaving the routine pleasantries
The choreographed gifts
The memorized replies
The tick---tock of a life that has strangled me
He is not a bad man
Not mean or cruel or sinister
He is simply
Indifferent
I am leaving for a warm hand,
A spontaneous smile
And eyes that will make me shiver from delight,
Anticipation
I am leaving
To laugh and love again
Today
At 4 o’clock
(written 1/4/03)
I am leaving him
Today, at 4 o’clock,
I am leaving
I have packed my green suitcase
and I am leaving
I am lucky
I am not a battered wife,
A misfit mistress
Or a kept woman
I am not any of those things you might think
But, I am leaving
And I am leaving the deepest vacancy I can imagine
I am leaving the ice cold hands that touch me
And the hollow eyes that look past me
I am leaving the routine pleasantries
The choreographed gifts
The memorized replies
The tick---tock of a life that has strangled me
He is not a bad man
Not mean or cruel or sinister
He is simply
Indifferent
I am leaving for a warm hand,
A spontaneous smile
And eyes that will make me shiver from delight,
Anticipation
I am leaving
To laugh and love again
Today
At 4 o’clock
Friday, November 17, 2006
Curious Tripper
Would you be a maid in a mansion if you made 2x your current salary?
Would you be a garbage collector if you made 3x your current salary
Would you give your sibling a kidney if it meant they would live longer?
If your wealthy friend died and left you in charge of their estate and said you had to donate $500k to 2 charities, which charities would you choose?
If you were walking across a bridge and saw someone about to jump over/commit suicide, would you try to intervene and help?
If you were diagnosed with a terminal illness and death was immenint, would you want the medicines available or would you just want to do without?
Would you take a job you wanted that paid $300k/year if it meant you had to travel and rarely see friends/family
If you had the opportunity to work to rebuild new orleans (for a year) and you got paid your current salary, would you go? Yes, you would have to live there for a year. This is assuming you would be guaranteed to have your current job waiting for u?
Would you go work on an oil rig if you made 3x your current salary?
If your parents became completely unable to live on their own, would you take them in?
Would you be a garbage collector if you made 3x your current salary
Would you give your sibling a kidney if it meant they would live longer?
If your wealthy friend died and left you in charge of their estate and said you had to donate $500k to 2 charities, which charities would you choose?
If you were walking across a bridge and saw someone about to jump over/commit suicide, would you try to intervene and help?
If you were diagnosed with a terminal illness and death was immenint, would you want the medicines available or would you just want to do without?
Would you take a job you wanted that paid $300k/year if it meant you had to travel and rarely see friends/family
If you had the opportunity to work to rebuild new orleans (for a year) and you got paid your current salary, would you go? Yes, you would have to live there for a year. This is assuming you would be guaranteed to have your current job waiting for u?
Would you go work on an oil rig if you made 3x your current salary?
If your parents became completely unable to live on their own, would you take them in?
Thursday, November 16, 2006
You Decide
Staples or Office Depot
Home Depot or Ace Hardware
I HOP or WaffleHouse
American Eagle or Abercrombie & Fitch
Stabrucks or ??? Some other coffee shop
Nike or Adidas
Target or Walmart
MAC or PC
Online of Offline shopper
Banana Republic or J Crew
Cats of Dogs
Fish or Hamsters
Best Buy or Circuit City
Coke or Pepsi
Petsmart of Petco
Krispy Kreme of Dunkin Donuts
Home Depot or Ace Hardware
I HOP or WaffleHouse
American Eagle or Abercrombie & Fitch
Stabrucks or ??? Some other coffee shop
Nike or Adidas
Target or Walmart
MAC or PC
Online of Offline shopper
Banana Republic or J Crew
Cats of Dogs
Fish or Hamsters
Best Buy or Circuit City
Coke or Pepsi
Petsmart of Petco
Krispy Kreme of Dunkin Donuts
can't think of a title...
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
where would you go?
Anchorage, Albuquerque, or Austin (anchorage)
Buenos Aires, Beijing, or Bangkok (buenos aires)
Cuba, Costa Rica, or Chile (chile)
Denver, Destin, or Dallas (destin)
Ethiopia, El Salvador, or Ecuador (ethiopia)
Fargo, Fairbanks, or Florence (florence)
Great Britain, Greenland, or Guatemala (guatemala)
Havana, Halki, or Haiti (halki)
Iceland, Italy, or Isle of Man (isle of man)
Jakarta, Johannesberg, or Juneau (johannesberg)
Kalamazoo, Kentucky, or Kansas City (K.C.)
Please don't answer "none". If you don't want to go to any, choose the one u would go to if you HAD to pick one.
Hope u play.
Buenos Aires, Beijing, or Bangkok (buenos aires)
Cuba, Costa Rica, or Chile (chile)
Denver, Destin, or Dallas (destin)
Ethiopia, El Salvador, or Ecuador (ethiopia)
Fargo, Fairbanks, or Florence (florence)
Great Britain, Greenland, or Guatemala (guatemala)
Havana, Halki, or Haiti (halki)
Iceland, Italy, or Isle of Man (isle of man)
Jakarta, Johannesberg, or Juneau (johannesberg)
Kalamazoo, Kentucky, or Kansas City (K.C.)
Please don't answer "none". If you don't want to go to any, choose the one u would go to if you HAD to pick one.
Hope u play.
Friday, November 10, 2006
would you rather...
Who would you rather have margaritas and mexican food with? (my pick=sandra, cause she seems so fun and that she is so HOT doesn't hurt)
Matthew McConaughey
Sandra Bullock
Selma Hayek
Antonio Banderas
Who would you rather have coffee with? (my pick, B. Gates. because he has made such an impact in technology & the world. i'd love to talk to him about philanthropy)
Hillary Clinton
Barbara Streisand
Bill Gates
Steven Spielberg
Who would you most want to throw a pie at? (president...and I would be fine if someone threw a pie at me. I would crack up!)
Your ex
Pres Bush
Your neighbor
Your mom
Current partner
Who would you rather go shopping with? (a toss up between J. Anniston & Uma)
Jennifer Anniston
Jennifer Lopez
Ellen
Oprah
Uma Thurman
Who would you rather sit across from at a nice dinner? (Meryl in a heartbeat!)
Meryl Streep
Kate Blanchett
Susan Sarandon
Nicole Kidman
Matthew McConaughey
Sandra Bullock
Selma Hayek
Antonio Banderas
Who would you rather have coffee with? (my pick, B. Gates. because he has made such an impact in technology & the world. i'd love to talk to him about philanthropy)
Hillary Clinton
Barbara Streisand
Bill Gates
Steven Spielberg
Who would you most want to throw a pie at? (president...and I would be fine if someone threw a pie at me. I would crack up!)
Your ex
Pres Bush
Your neighbor
Your mom
Current partner
Who would you rather go shopping with? (a toss up between J. Anniston & Uma)
Jennifer Anniston
Jennifer Lopez
Ellen
Oprah
Uma Thurman
Who would you rather sit across from at a nice dinner? (Meryl in a heartbeat!)
Meryl Streep
Kate Blanchett
Susan Sarandon
Nicole Kidman
6:30am
Belligerent, almost
In my attempt to know you
You,
Who prove so elusive
With your comings and goings
You showings and your hidings
Its traumatic how you are so close
Yet, still so very far
And then
All of a sudden,
I see you
Your brightness,
Your soft, compelling eyes,
Your wide smile
And I know, again
That you
Are wondrous
In my attempt to know you
You,
Who prove so elusive
With your comings and goings
You showings and your hidings
Its traumatic how you are so close
Yet, still so very far
And then
All of a sudden,
I see you
Your brightness,
Your soft, compelling eyes,
Your wide smile
And I know, again
That you
Are wondrous
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Curious April (no, my name isn't april)
Have you ever been to a nude beach (YES)
Have you ever been nude on a beach (NO)
Can you speak a foreign language fluently? (spanish,sort of)
Do you believe in ghosts (yes)
Watermelon, Cantelope, or Strawberries? (strawberries)
Pumpkin, Pecan or Apple Pie (never APPLE, Pecan 1st, Pumpkin 2nd)
What is your favorite cocktail (cosmo w/ grey goose orange)
Would you want a surprise party for your birthday (YEP)
Name ONE (1) favorite article of clothing you own (old high school sweatshirt)
Did you own the game TWISTER & play as a child (yes..was pretty good)
Have you ever been nude on a beach (NO)
Can you speak a foreign language fluently? (spanish,sort of)
Do you believe in ghosts (yes)
Watermelon, Cantelope, or Strawberries? (strawberries)
Pumpkin, Pecan or Apple Pie (never APPLE, Pecan 1st, Pumpkin 2nd)
What is your favorite cocktail (cosmo w/ grey goose orange)
Would you want a surprise party for your birthday (YEP)
Name ONE (1) favorite article of clothing you own (old high school sweatshirt)
Did you own the game TWISTER & play as a child (yes..was pretty good)
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Snipets
Wednesday I went to get my haircut at a quaint salon down the street from my house. I had only been there once before and because I couldn't remember who it was who cut my hair that first time, they assigned me to someone random. (which was fine with me) Random hairsytlist was very friendly and chatty. Let me say that when I engage in things like getting a haircut/massage etc...anything about personal/self care...I am not chatty. I like to close my eyes, enjoy the experience, and drift off... Anyways, before shampooing my hair, she asked me a few style/cut related questions. When she was washing my hair, she asked "what do you put in your hair?" "Aveda Confixor", I said. "What does the confixor do for you? What do you want it to do for you?" WOW. Great questions. I was so taken aback by the questions or the way she phrased them. No one has ever asked me about the Confixor before. Not friends, not hairstylists. Soon, we were back in the cutting chair and she proceeded to ask me more questions and by this time, I felt fine to talk and engage. Rather than asking me the usual small talk questions she asked me things like, "So, when you travel, where do you go?" "Where have you met the most interesting/coolest people?" For the first time in a while, I was challenged to actually think about my answer. I love these kind of open ended questions. In my workplace, people ask the same questions every day or every Monday and then Friday. "How was your weekend?" (MONDAY QUESTION) "What are you doing this weekend?" (FRIDAY QUESTION) I really don't even answer. I cannot even tell you the last time i asked these questions of people. It's not that i don't care, but there are other things i'd rather ask...things that actually have me be more engaged with the individual, rather than have me or them give a snyopsis of an event. Random hairstylist also said something else that made me take notice. "I have never been out West", she said "That is a place i'd like to go. I'm a little bit granola, myself." She added. What cracked me up about this was that the woman looked nothing like what i would call a GRANOLA GIRL! She had a nice matching outfit on, nice shoes and beautiful hair. I mean, I AM MORE granola than she is. Anyways, it was funny in a great way. She also mentioned she has lived here in Atlanta for 8 years and does find it difficult to meet friends who are not shallow. HALLELUJIAH! I thought. Someone else who actually thinks somewhat like I do.
What a freshing experiencing this was. Oh, and random hairdresser did a great job on my cut. I'll be sitting in her chair again.
MY RECENT RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS: this evening as i was headed north on GA 400 HWY, there is a toll booth. It is, I believe, the one and only toll road in GA. As i was getting ready to pay my 50 cents, I handed the toll booth girl and dollar adn said, "he doesn't know if yet, but i am also paying for the guy behind me." She smiled, "ok".
Last evening, I went to see a movie called LITTLE CHILDREN. If you want to see a non-hollywood film with great acting, a gripping story and a freaking hot sex scene with Kate Winslet, go see the film. You will get your money's worth. Great movie, I thought. Thought-provoking, and a lingering check with out morals, beliefs, prejudices.
What a freshing experiencing this was. Oh, and random hairdresser did a great job on my cut. I'll be sitting in her chair again.
MY RECENT RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS: this evening as i was headed north on GA 400 HWY, there is a toll booth. It is, I believe, the one and only toll road in GA. As i was getting ready to pay my 50 cents, I handed the toll booth girl and dollar adn said, "he doesn't know if yet, but i am also paying for the guy behind me." She smiled, "ok".
Last evening, I went to see a movie called LITTLE CHILDREN. If you want to see a non-hollywood film with great acting, a gripping story and a freaking hot sex scene with Kate Winslet, go see the film. You will get your money's worth. Great movie, I thought. Thought-provoking, and a lingering check with out morals, beliefs, prejudices.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Curious Annie
(no, my name isn't Annie!)
1. Can you flick a bottle cap (NO WAY)
2. Can you make a rock skip in a lake (NO)
3. Can you do a HEADstand (YES)
4. Can you do a cartwheel (Yes & pretty well i might add)
5. Can you do a one-arm pushup (almost)
6. Can you dive (no..not even close)
7. Can you whistle by using fingers at sides of your mouth (i wish)
8. Can you throw a frisbee (yes)
9. Can you do the butterfly swim stroke (sloppily)
10.Can you ride a skateboard (like an X-GAMER)
1. Can you flick a bottle cap (NO WAY)
2. Can you make a rock skip in a lake (NO)
3. Can you do a HEADstand (YES)
4. Can you do a cartwheel (Yes & pretty well i might add)
5. Can you do a one-arm pushup (almost)
6. Can you dive (no..not even close)
7. Can you whistle by using fingers at sides of your mouth (i wish)
8. Can you throw a frisbee (yes)
9. Can you do the butterfly swim stroke (sloppily)
10.Can you ride a skateboard (like an X-GAMER)
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
curious george
a few questions:
1)would you rather plan a vacation for you and lover/partner or have them plan it and you just "show up" (depends. right now, would plan)
2)flowers or chocolate? (EITHER)
3)ever braided friends hair? (no, not sure i even know how! ha)
4)which chore do you dislike the most? (taking out garbage)
5)do you write down a shopping list and take it to the grocery? (not usually, unless it's on the rare occassion i am following a recipe and need ingredients)
6)diet or regular soda (don't normally drink soda, but would be regular, NEVER DIET -ICK)
7)ever taken a tub or shower with loved one? (yes, love it)
8)were you good at hop-scotch, tag & kickball? would you still be today? (YES. YES.YES)
9)can your friends come over unannounced and you be ok with this? (yes)
10) what do you do when you are prepared a meal you hate? (eat slowly & try to swallow & be polite)
1)would you rather plan a vacation for you and lover/partner or have them plan it and you just "show up" (depends. right now, would plan)
2)flowers or chocolate? (EITHER)
3)ever braided friends hair? (no, not sure i even know how! ha)
4)which chore do you dislike the most? (taking out garbage)
5)do you write down a shopping list and take it to the grocery? (not usually, unless it's on the rare occassion i am following a recipe and need ingredients)
6)diet or regular soda (don't normally drink soda, but would be regular, NEVER DIET -ICK)
7)ever taken a tub or shower with loved one? (yes, love it)
8)were you good at hop-scotch, tag & kickball? would you still be today? (YES. YES.YES)
9)can your friends come over unannounced and you be ok with this? (yes)
10) what do you do when you are prepared a meal you hate? (eat slowly & try to swallow & be polite)
Friday, October 20, 2006
Finding Grey..
Recently started following Grey's Anatomy (I Realize I am late to this parade!!)
Here is my new favorite. Ah..what a looker.
Please chime in your thoughts.
Here is my new favorite. Ah..what a looker.
Please chime in your thoughts.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
40 winks
1. Dated outside your race? Not guilty, but feel like i would
2. Singing in the shower? not guilty. don't know why, really...
3. Spit in someone’s drink? Not guilty - but have wanted to
4. Played with Barbies? Not Freakin' Guilty
5. Made someone cry? Guilty, probably
6. Opened your Christmas presents early? Not Guilty, I like it on the day, same as b-day
7. Lied to a friend? Guilty, unfortunately.
8. Watched and cried while watching a soap opera? Guilty
9. Played a computer game for more than 5 hours? Not guilty
10. Ran through the sprinklers naked? Not guilty
11. Ate food that fell on the floor? Guilty- as long as i wipe it off, who cares?
12. Went outside naked? Not Guilty
13. Been on stage? Guilty
14. Been on stage naked or close to it? Not guilty
15. Been in a parade? Guilty, Gay Pride in SF years ago.
16. Been in a school play? Guilty
17. Drank beer? Guilty
18. Gotten detention? Guilty
19. Been on a cruise? Not Guilty
20. Broken into a house? Not guilty (but, guilty to a trailer)
21. Gotten a tattoo? Not Guilty
22. Gotten piercings? Guilty, but only one hole in each ear- that are closed now
23. Gotten into a fist fight? Not guilty
24. Gotten into a shouting match? Guilty
25. Swallowed sea/pool water? Guilty
26. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose? Guilty
27. aughed so hard it hurt? Guilty
28. Tripped on your own feet? Guilty (too many times, actually)
29. Cried yourself to sleep? Guilty
30. Cried in public? Guilty
31. Thrown up in public? Not Guilty
32. Lied to your parents? Not Guilty
33. Skipped class? Guilty
34. Cried so hard you threw up? Not guilty
35. Had a one night stand? Guilty
36. Left restaurant without paying tab? Not guilty
37. Been Fired from a job? Not Guilty
38. Wanted to make out with your massage therapist, therapist OR hairldresser? Guilty on 2 counts
39. Had a drink "sent" to a stranger at a bar? Guilty
40. Been winked at and loved it? Guilty
Stole this fromLisa
Hope You'll Play!
2. Singing in the shower? not guilty. don't know why, really...
3. Spit in someone’s drink? Not guilty - but have wanted to
4. Played with Barbies? Not Freakin' Guilty
5. Made someone cry? Guilty, probably
6. Opened your Christmas presents early? Not Guilty, I like it on the day, same as b-day
7. Lied to a friend? Guilty, unfortunately.
8. Watched and cried while watching a soap opera? Guilty
9. Played a computer game for more than 5 hours? Not guilty
10. Ran through the sprinklers naked? Not guilty
11. Ate food that fell on the floor? Guilty- as long as i wipe it off, who cares?
12. Went outside naked? Not Guilty
13. Been on stage? Guilty
14. Been on stage naked or close to it? Not guilty
15. Been in a parade? Guilty, Gay Pride in SF years ago.
16. Been in a school play? Guilty
17. Drank beer? Guilty
18. Gotten detention? Guilty
19. Been on a cruise? Not Guilty
20. Broken into a house? Not guilty (but, guilty to a trailer)
21. Gotten a tattoo? Not Guilty
22. Gotten piercings? Guilty, but only one hole in each ear- that are closed now
23. Gotten into a fist fight? Not guilty
24. Gotten into a shouting match? Guilty
25. Swallowed sea/pool water? Guilty
26. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose? Guilty
27. aughed so hard it hurt? Guilty
28. Tripped on your own feet? Guilty (too many times, actually)
29. Cried yourself to sleep? Guilty
30. Cried in public? Guilty
31. Thrown up in public? Not Guilty
32. Lied to your parents? Not Guilty
33. Skipped class? Guilty
34. Cried so hard you threw up? Not guilty
35. Had a one night stand? Guilty
36. Left restaurant without paying tab? Not guilty
37. Been Fired from a job? Not Guilty
38. Wanted to make out with your massage therapist, therapist OR hairldresser? Guilty on 2 counts
39. Had a drink "sent" to a stranger at a bar? Guilty
40. Been winked at and loved it? Guilty
Stole this from
Hope You'll Play!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I've Been Thinking...(oh, no)
And as some may have surmised from previous posts, I am without parents and basically any other family. Obviously, this is a topic of much sadness and many other feelings…but lately, I have been thinking of some of the benefits! Yes, benefits. It's sooooo easy for me to get bogged down with thoughts of the things I am missing, but there are a lot of other things I think I can be thankful for and I wanted to use the space here to jot them down:
1) Never had to "come out" to my family and thus had the benefit of never having my family disown, hate or ignore me. I never had to have that frightening conversation or hear about how I am a sinner, etc…
2) I am free from spending a ton of money on birthdays & holidays as I really only buy things for a few friends and am able to use $ to travel
3) Never have to worry about introducing my potential girlfriend to my parents
4) Never have to go visit when I don't want to or feel obligated to do so
5) Never have to face the possibility that my mother could still be a crazy, depressed alcoholic
6) Never have to worry about my parents aging and how will they be cared for, etc…
7) Never have to worry about my parents thinking I am not what I should have been in life or about any other judgements or opinions they may have about the way I live my life
8) Never have to worry about them commenting on my appearance or choice of jobs
9) Never have to worry about forgetting their anniversary
10) Never have to hear them complain about each other or their bodily ailments
Needless to say, some of the above may have never happened if they were still here….but the point is that I can embrace some of the stuff I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH and be thankful. Grief/Loss have been large chunks of my life and it's actually nice to think about the otherside for a bit.
1) Never had to "come out" to my family and thus had the benefit of never having my family disown, hate or ignore me. I never had to have that frightening conversation or hear about how I am a sinner, etc…
2) I am free from spending a ton of money on birthdays & holidays as I really only buy things for a few friends and am able to use $ to travel
3) Never have to worry about introducing my potential girlfriend to my parents
4) Never have to go visit when I don't want to or feel obligated to do so
5) Never have to face the possibility that my mother could still be a crazy, depressed alcoholic
6) Never have to worry about my parents aging and how will they be cared for, etc…
7) Never have to worry about my parents thinking I am not what I should have been in life or about any other judgements or opinions they may have about the way I live my life
8) Never have to worry about them commenting on my appearance or choice of jobs
9) Never have to worry about forgetting their anniversary
10) Never have to hear them complain about each other or their bodily ailments
Needless to say, some of the above may have never happened if they were still here….but the point is that I can embrace some of the stuff I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH and be thankful. Grief/Loss have been large chunks of my life and it's actually nice to think about the otherside for a bit.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Groceries & Superwoman
Yesterday, I FINALLY went to the market to buy some groceries as all I hadand in my fridge is coffee, 1/2 & 1/2, cheese, butter, salad dressing, and eggs. I’M SERIOUS. So, my extravagant shopping entailed the following purchases: 4 Wallaby yogurts; 3 vanilla, 1 blueberry. This is the best brand of yogurt in my opinion. http://www.wallabyyogurt.com/ broccollini, 1 yellow bell pepper, top round strips for stir fry, 1/2 & 1/2, 3 bananas, Toblerone Chocolate, raw almonds, yellow squash. That's all, folks. That is a typical shopping experience for me. I just CANNOT seem to buy more. I have a mental block.
Anyways, as I was waiting in line at the check out counter, there was a woman a few counters away with a watermelon on the bottom of her cart. She looked around as if she was looking for help to get it onto the price scanner. She asked the big, tall gentleman behind her, but he had a limp arm and could not help. Before she could ask anyone else, I yelled out (much louder than I wanted to) "I GOT IT". I left my line and put the watermelon on the counter for her. She was most appreciative and I, well….I felt like a superhero. Maybe you had to be there to fully understand…but my loud declaration of "I GOT IT" sounded more along the lines of something from a cartoon; "Move over BATMAN & ROBIN, I'll HANDLE IT."
Needless to say, I was happy to lend a helping, spontaneous hand to the woman in the checkout line. Good deed for the day. Have you done your good deed for the day??
Anyways, as I was waiting in line at the check out counter, there was a woman a few counters away with a watermelon on the bottom of her cart. She looked around as if she was looking for help to get it onto the price scanner. She asked the big, tall gentleman behind her, but he had a limp arm and could not help. Before she could ask anyone else, I yelled out (much louder than I wanted to) "I GOT IT". I left my line and put the watermelon on the counter for her. She was most appreciative and I, well….I felt like a superhero. Maybe you had to be there to fully understand…but my loud declaration of "I GOT IT" sounded more along the lines of something from a cartoon; "Move over BATMAN & ROBIN, I'll HANDLE IT."
Needless to say, I was happy to lend a helping, spontaneous hand to the woman in the checkout line. Good deed for the day. Have you done your good deed for the day??
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Not for the Weak at Heart...
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
-James Blunt>"Goodbye My Lover"
This is an amazing song. It is quiet and startling. He sings it in almost a whisper.
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
-James Blunt>"Goodbye My Lover"
This is an amazing song. It is quiet and startling. He sings it in almost a whisper.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Food
Coffee: cream & sugar
Never eaten a Big Mac
Love, Love, Love Guacamole w/ chips but NEVER in my burrito
Love good cheeses and willing to spend the money for them
Don't like mussels, clams; Do like calamari, Sea Bass, Shrimp
Don't like Artichokes
Dark Chocolate
Salami, Swiss on a baguette, plain, is my idea of a perfect sandwich
Hummus w/ Pita for a a snack
Severe weakness: chips! and I frequently give in
Care to share...
Never eaten a Big Mac
Love, Love, Love Guacamole w/ chips but NEVER in my burrito
Love good cheeses and willing to spend the money for them
Don't like mussels, clams; Do like calamari, Sea Bass, Shrimp
Don't like Artichokes
Dark Chocolate
Salami, Swiss on a baguette, plain, is my idea of a perfect sandwich
Hummus w/ Pita for a a snack
Severe weakness: chips! and I frequently give in
Care to share...
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Pour it on...
Got inspired to pitch my thoughts after reading TRACY and wanted to pass along something I read ages ago that I feel was burned into my brain.
One of the strongest things of my personality, is my passion and intensity. Sometimes, it may even be too much for people. But, I will not ever make an apology for wanting the best in myself and others. I will never apologize for demanding the best from the people in my life and myself. I know all too well that life is no brief candle. Having experienced loss at an early age, I am unfortunately/fortunately reminded of life, of death, and of the MOMENT...of the moment that calls me to live in it as much as I can. WHATEVER THAT LOOKS LIKE. If i am crying, then i should cry my eyes out. If I am laughing, then i hope i would laugh until my stomach is aching for me to stop. So often, people are caught off guard by my intensity for life, but it is also what draws them to me. I cannot be silent about knowing that THIS IS IT. THIS MOMENT. THIS IS ALL I HAVE RIGHT NOW. So, when i am with people, i want to know i am really THERE. I seldom want to just chit chat. Everything doesn't need to be heavy or overwhelming; what i mean is that the time should be as authentic as possible. THAT IS THE JUICE. THAT IS MY DRUG. Pour it on.....I DO want to be thoroughly used up when I die. I want to know that there is nothing left in my strong, little body.
This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as I live it is my privilege - my *privilege* to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I love. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me; it is a sort of splendid torch which I've got a hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
One of the strongest things of my personality, is my passion and intensity. Sometimes, it may even be too much for people. But, I will not ever make an apology for wanting the best in myself and others. I will never apologize for demanding the best from the people in my life and myself. I know all too well that life is no brief candle. Having experienced loss at an early age, I am unfortunately/fortunately reminded of life, of death, and of the MOMENT...of the moment that calls me to live in it as much as I can. WHATEVER THAT LOOKS LIKE. If i am crying, then i should cry my eyes out. If I am laughing, then i hope i would laugh until my stomach is aching for me to stop. So often, people are caught off guard by my intensity for life, but it is also what draws them to me. I cannot be silent about knowing that THIS IS IT. THIS MOMENT. THIS IS ALL I HAVE RIGHT NOW. So, when i am with people, i want to know i am really THERE. I seldom want to just chit chat. Everything doesn't need to be heavy or overwhelming; what i mean is that the time should be as authentic as possible. THAT IS THE JUICE. THAT IS MY DRUG. Pour it on.....I DO want to be thoroughly used up when I die. I want to know that there is nothing left in my strong, little body.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
3 Blog Lounge
For lunch I had a grilled cheese sandwich and fries and while writing this, I am drinking a Hot Cocoa. Either I am PMS or just needing comfort. Maybe both. I can't even tell you the last time I had a grilled chese....between here & a few other blogs, there has been mention of abstaining from alcohol...while i did not trip onto the 40 day wagon, i had undertaken a solo journey to abstain just to kinda clean out my system....it lasted 27 days. on the 28th day, i took myself out on a date(i realize some make think these is totally goofy!!) and had a delicious glass of wine and tasty small pates at Krog Bar. The wine was a white from Spain...very, very tasty. I sat outside on the small patio and just enjoyed myself and watched folks as they came and went. I made a phone call to my best friend in CA. Upon hearing that I had taken myself out on a date, she asked, "well, do you think you'll get lucky?". Both of us chuckling, I answered, "well, you know, I might...i just might." After spending quality time in thorough enjoyment, I paid the bill and left. AND, let me tell you, I AM NO CHEAP DATE.
...Sadly, the Giants have disappared into who the hell knows where in the West & i have no idea who to root for in the MLB Playoffs....I'm hoping Astros can sneak in ahead of the crashing Cardinals. Monday Night Football was a disgrace for Falcon Fans. I was happy for NO, but a total disgrace for the Black and Red Birds from A-Town.
One of gifts I received for birthday was a box of flowers from 2 friends in SF....2 dozen roses of various colors...white, yellow, pinkish, a variegated pink & orange....soooo pretty and aromatic. What dolls they are...friends that is....my one friend, a jew girl from back east, calls me KID(even though i am older), The card attached to the flowers said, "Happpy Birthday, Kid" and I smiled BIG. I could just hear my friends voice. Filled me up, ya know.
...It's getting cooler and i tossed another blanket onto my bed last night. i've got my favorite candle on my nighstand...a scent called MADAGASCAR. Madagascar...off the southeast side of Africa....now, that is a place I'd like to visit...
...Sadly, the Giants have disappared into who the hell knows where in the West & i have no idea who to root for in the MLB Playoffs....I'm hoping Astros can sneak in ahead of the crashing Cardinals. Monday Night Football was a disgrace for Falcon Fans. I was happy for NO, but a total disgrace for the Black and Red Birds from A-Town.
One of gifts I received for birthday was a box of flowers from 2 friends in SF....2 dozen roses of various colors...white, yellow, pinkish, a variegated pink & orange....soooo pretty and aromatic. What dolls they are...friends that is....my one friend, a jew girl from back east, calls me KID(even though i am older), The card attached to the flowers said, "Happpy Birthday, Kid" and I smiled BIG. I could just hear my friends voice. Filled me up, ya know.
...It's getting cooler and i tossed another blanket onto my bed last night. i've got my favorite candle on my nighstand...a scent called MADAGASCAR. Madagascar...off the southeast side of Africa....now, that is a place I'd like to visit...
Sunday, September 24, 2006
35 Down!
As I embark on the 36th year of my life, I thougt to share 35 things about me with ya'll. Hopefully, things I have not yet shared in previous blogs.
I was captian of my high school soccer team. I wear glasses. I spent the early years of my life in the projects of San Francisco(now known as drug central). I once put up bond money for a friend to get out of jail. I was in the hospital for my 13th birthday. I wear bandanas at least once a day, though never at work. I love to gamble. I have boxes and boxes of journals from the past. I was a loner in school. I fell in love with Jamie Lee Curtis after watching her in Halloween. My most memorable XMAS gift was a red pair of Nikes(when i was so sure we couldn't afford them). I don't know my father. I drive a Nissan Xterra. I am skittish about swimming in open water because of JAWS. I've never been to Florida. I write to a brother who is locked up. I placed 3rd in my elementary school spelling bee when I was in the 6th grade. I loved to be picked up and swung around. I enjoyed going to our catholic church as a child. I love doing crosswords from the newspaper. I have a BS in Kinesiology. I dream about competing in the Hawaii Ironman. I seldom cook for myself. I have run 4 marathons and countless smaller distance races on legs doctors thought may never walk again. I don't like gardening. I love to iron, vacuum, and wash clothes. I am a minimalist. I smoked clove cigarrets a lot in my early 20's. i love to dance. I just bought the newest IPOD NANO. I have a hard time saying the words, "I need". I'm working on a book; a memoir. Toni Collette is my newest favorite actress. I buried my grandmother. And my mother.
I was captian of my high school soccer team. I wear glasses. I spent the early years of my life in the projects of San Francisco(now known as drug central). I once put up bond money for a friend to get out of jail. I was in the hospital for my 13th birthday. I wear bandanas at least once a day, though never at work. I love to gamble. I have boxes and boxes of journals from the past. I was a loner in school. I fell in love with Jamie Lee Curtis after watching her in Halloween. My most memorable XMAS gift was a red pair of Nikes(when i was so sure we couldn't afford them). I don't know my father. I drive a Nissan Xterra. I am skittish about swimming in open water because of JAWS. I've never been to Florida. I write to a brother who is locked up. I placed 3rd in my elementary school spelling bee when I was in the 6th grade. I loved to be picked up and swung around. I enjoyed going to our catholic church as a child. I love doing crosswords from the newspaper. I have a BS in Kinesiology. I dream about competing in the Hawaii Ironman. I seldom cook for myself. I have run 4 marathons and countless smaller distance races on legs doctors thought may never walk again. I don't like gardening. I love to iron, vacuum, and wash clothes. I am a minimalist. I smoked clove cigarrets a lot in my early 20's. i love to dance. I just bought the newest IPOD NANO. I have a hard time saying the words, "I need". I'm working on a book; a memoir. Toni Collette is my newest favorite actress. I buried my grandmother. And my mother.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
How You Won't Find Me...
I am not an ambivalent person. To me, ambivalence would kill my spirit, my soul....a very slow and painful death it would be.
To be energized, to be stung, to be caught up in a moment with a love, a loathing, a lusting, a devastation, a thrill..these are the experiences that make my life rich and that make me whole. if i am not sometimes goofy, mad, frustrated, silly, sweet, lonely, lost, loving, playful, rageful....than what am i if not just a bump on a log. That has never been me. That will never be me. I want it all. Bring it. Show it. Appreciate it. Welcome it. Even when it hurts.
Life has shown a few things so very clearly...that there are 2 sides to everything: birth and death. sadness and happiness. creation and destruction. a smile and a frown.
To me, there is nothing more gratifying than seeing, showing, and experiencing the full range of myself or another. We are not stones. We are human beings. We were once all children, infants....they are the ultimate displayers of the wide ranges of emotions. Going from happiness and joy in one moment to tears and screams in the next. They are never shy about expressing all of what is inside.
I believe in being in the moment.Truly. Being in the moment. Because it is all I have. Right now. And because of this, i so easily fall in love...with moments.
To be energized, to be stung, to be caught up in a moment with a love, a loathing, a lusting, a devastation, a thrill..these are the experiences that make my life rich and that make me whole. if i am not sometimes goofy, mad, frustrated, silly, sweet, lonely, lost, loving, playful, rageful....than what am i if not just a bump on a log. That has never been me. That will never be me. I want it all. Bring it. Show it. Appreciate it. Welcome it. Even when it hurts.
Life has shown a few things so very clearly...that there are 2 sides to everything: birth and death. sadness and happiness. creation and destruction. a smile and a frown.
To me, there is nothing more gratifying than seeing, showing, and experiencing the full range of myself or another. We are not stones. We are human beings. We were once all children, infants....they are the ultimate displayers of the wide ranges of emotions. Going from happiness and joy in one moment to tears and screams in the next. They are never shy about expressing all of what is inside.
I believe in being in the moment.Truly. Being in the moment. Because it is all I have. Right now. And because of this, i so easily fall in love...with moments.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
This Is the Best Coffee in the Nation. You heard it here, folks.
Peet's Coffee started in Berkeley, CA. and has grown quite bit over the years, but no where near(and thankfully) the growth and penetration of
Now, let me say that I am BOTH a Peet's fan & a Starbucks fan. For different reasons. Peet's stores are full of dark brown colors, giving it a rich earthy feel. They mostly have very limited seating in the stores and are limited to only on a few states, with of course, heavy doses in California. (sadly, none in Georgia)
Peets drinkers are akin to MAC users(of which I am also)..they are loyal to the core. While Starbucks is a truly phenomenal company in the way they have branded themselves, it attracts a much different customer. The great thing about Peet's is that they don't want to be Starbucks. They have their own niche and they do well at it. I order their coffee online or bribe friends in the bay area to send me a pound or 2. For XMAS last year, i was lucky to receive 4 lbs all from different friends. They know how to get to my heart.
I enjoy Starbucks for what they offer: good coffee, generally great service, and a comfortable atmosphere and of couse, because they are in GA and Peets is not.
And if you don't believe me about Peet's, would you believe Oprah? Recently, I caught about 1 minute of her show in my office breakroom while I was getting water. She was saying how she started each day...with a cup of Peets and lo and behold, she had people bring in a cup of Peets to all her audience members. How great!
Anyways...I have no idea why I am writing this...I guess i just felt like sharing something.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Words..
The other night I was reading the NY Times Sunday Magazine and while I was reading, I came across a word that caught my eye. The word was BAFFLED. What a great word. I noticed several other words in this piece and I loved how they were used in the sentences. It made me think of how I really wish I had a better vocabulary. I want to have a greater variety of words. I wish I had them at my fingertips, but I don't. Or do I and it's just laziness? I mean, how often do I describle something as "great." Much, much too often. Sometimes, while writing, I can catch myself using words that I haven't used in a while, but not as often as I'd like. BAFFLED. It's such a great word. So descriptive. Can't you just picture it...someone looking BAFFLED?
What about you? Do you have a large vocabulary? Do you think it's brain laziness that makes us chose the same words over and over to descibe something?
What about you? Do you have a large vocabulary? Do you think it's brain laziness that makes us chose the same words over and over to descibe something?
Thursday, September 14, 2006
ok..i'll play too.
10 Things to be PSYCHED about
1. I'm alive and healthy
2. I'm debt free
3. SF GIANTS are STILL in the PLAYOFF hunt
4. Falcons won their first game & I won a bet. Thanks, oddsmakers
5. I'm going to VEGAS in November & staying here…www.wynnlasvegas.com
6. I'm figuring out the whole iphoto thing on my apple laptop and excited about creating things with it…
7. NEW SURVIVOR starts tonight. Yes, I am a big fan. It's the ONLY reality show I watch & one of the only things I watch on TV besides sports
8. I'll be 36 yrs old soon & will buy myself one of the new ipod nanos that was just unveiled this week. (can you tell I am a APPLE fan??)
9. It APPEARS that decent movies will FINALLY be at the theaters….i'm crossing my fingers
10. FALL is THIS close with wonderful colors abound
1. I'm alive and healthy
2. I'm debt free
3. SF GIANTS are STILL in the PLAYOFF hunt
4. Falcons won their first game & I won a bet. Thanks, oddsmakers
5. I'm going to VEGAS in November & staying here…www.wynnlasvegas.com
6. I'm figuring out the whole iphoto thing on my apple laptop and excited about creating things with it…
7. NEW SURVIVOR starts tonight. Yes, I am a big fan. It's the ONLY reality show I watch & one of the only things I watch on TV besides sports
8. I'll be 36 yrs old soon & will buy myself one of the new ipod nanos that was just unveiled this week. (can you tell I am a APPLE fan??)
9. It APPEARS that decent movies will FINALLY be at the theaters….i'm crossing my fingers
10. FALL is THIS close with wonderful colors abound
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Roll 'Em
Last week, I booked a trip to Vegas for November. Last NIGHT, I dreamt I won $4000.00 playing dice. DAMN! Too bad I'm not on a flight this morning...
Friday, September 08, 2006
notes from a pseudo 3-dot lounge
So, Tom is back in the news...apologized to B. Shields yet still believes what he does about anti-depressants and post partum depression...hmmm...and now gracing cover of Vanity Fair. I have 2 words about this "news" of them in the magazine as they call it: WHO CARES?
Onto more pleasant things...it's FRIDAY and although I don't physically feel 100%, I am looking forward to working out and stretching out on the couch to watch the final matches of THE US OPEN and of course, the NFL on Sunday. Though, I will not be able to watch my BROWNS on TV, i will root for them in my heart. Should be an interesting "test" as they face the city under sea level. I'm hoping, no, I'm EXPECTING Vick to crush 'em in Carolina and T.O. to, (unfortunately) catch many passes and keep talking smack. For my pals out in SF, I hope 49ers actually win a game and I really hope ELI shows he is better than PAYTON.
It will be a fun, sports-filled weekend. One of the best weekend in Sports, in my opinion. I'm just happy there are some interesting and good players to root for on the blue courts in NY. I hope the final matches are close, exhausting and dramatic....the way sports should be...
over and out.
Onto more pleasant things...it's FRIDAY and although I don't physically feel 100%, I am looking forward to working out and stretching out on the couch to watch the final matches of THE US OPEN and of course, the NFL on Sunday. Though, I will not be able to watch my BROWNS on TV, i will root for them in my heart. Should be an interesting "test" as they face the city under sea level. I'm hoping, no, I'm EXPECTING Vick to crush 'em in Carolina and T.O. to, (unfortunately) catch many passes and keep talking smack. For my pals out in SF, I hope 49ers actually win a game and I really hope ELI shows he is better than PAYTON.
It will be a fun, sports-filled weekend. One of the best weekend in Sports, in my opinion. I'm just happy there are some interesting and good players to root for on the blue courts in NY. I hope the final matches are close, exhausting and dramatic....the way sports should be...
over and out.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
a recent lightbulb...
last weekend, while having a conversation with best friend, a lightbulb went off. Don't ya just love it when that happens? Somehow the word, NURTURE, came into the conversation and i grew silent for a few minutes while pondering what that word actually means and how it is completely vacant from my vocabulary. And then i began to think of the differences between nurturing myself and taking care of myself. The lightbulb that went off and what led to the ensuing discussion with best friend was how I am a freakin' pro at taking care of myself, but i freakin' suck at Nurturing myself. I thank my very complicated, tragic and sad early years for my ability to take care of myself...(something good did come of all of it!!!) I can be on my own, i can travel alone, i can travel alone to places i've never been before and not freak out. i can completely fend for myself. i can go into suspect neighborhoods and not nearly be as afraid as the next person. i can manage my life. i can be without relationship for years and be fine. Now, nurture....eek...yikes... When i think of nurturing myself, very soft and warm images come to mind...softly speaking, soft hugs, warm soup, just softness....like a big soft blanket covering you up on the couch on a fall day. Don't get me wrong, i can definitley be soft and actually, a total mushball when i am with people i feel very safe with and who have known me a long time...but right now, at this point in my life, i feel like my toughness has been around for sooo long. I am in a job environment that is totally dominated by men and my toughness just organically comes out. Also, my determination and dedication to things like a marathon keep me in a "tough" state of mind. I feel like even my interactions with others is tough or rough...not very compassionate. The closest things i do to nurture myself now are getting massages and having quiet time to stretch in my house. The lightbulb was so blinding to me because I am so out of balance and i need to find it. I'd like to tell you that i have already begun...the awareness is always the first and biggest step and now I find myself a few times a day asking myself..."how are you going to nurture yourself today?" Even if i don't have an answer, i don't care. It's the question alone that makes me stop, and in the asking i am able to come back "home" to a place where i know i can. I have begun by taking a better and closer look at my diet, which doesn't necessarily include bad food, but not nearly enough food for the amount of energy i spend. i need to feed my BODY better.
I have a lot to think about, but this is a great first step.
of course, it is great to be able to take care of oneself. we all need that. and we need to nuture. so, my friends, i ask you...are you nuturing yourself?
I have a lot to think about, but this is a great first step.
of course, it is great to be able to take care of oneself. we all need that. and we need to nuture. so, my friends, i ask you...are you nuturing yourself?
Friday, August 25, 2006
Once Upon A Time...
There were two young women. One lived upstairs, one lived downstairs. One had blond, short messy-straight hair and one had short, brown, crazy curly hair. Once had blue eyes, one brown. One day, the blond, blue-eyed one knocked on the door of the other. "Can I borrow an egg? I'm baking and I need one more egg." The dark haired girl said "of course. c'mon up". They walked upsatirs to the main part of the apartment to get the egg.
They have been best friends ever since.
They have been best friends ever since.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
time to guess...
ok. I will give you 4 clues to where i will be going for the next 5 days (starting tomorrow, thurs) sorry T2, YOU DON'T GET TO PLAY! :)
what does the winner get? Nothing except the full knowledge of your great skills
Clues
1. this place multi-culture friendly
2. chevy chase was in a movie filmed in this city
3. sigourney weaver was in a movie filmed in this city
4. Pedro Feliz & Ray Durham play on a sports team in this city
5. has many "toy" establishments
what does the winner get? Nothing except the full knowledge of your great skills
Clues
1. this place multi-culture friendly
2. chevy chase was in a movie filmed in this city
3. sigourney weaver was in a movie filmed in this city
4. Pedro Feliz & Ray Durham play on a sports team in this city
5. has many "toy" establishments
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
slap me 5
got this from excavate
What were you doing 10 years ago?
Just returning to Sonoma County, Ca. after being on the road for 3 months - traveled all around the country(except pacific northwest) by myself in my car (then a white honda CRX)
What were you doing one year ago?
Recovering from my 4th marathon done in San Francisco
Five snacks you enjoy:
Kettle Chips-any flavor
Red Licorice
Unsalted Almonds
Salami
Cheese
Five songs you know all the words to:
Black Horse and Cherry Tree
How do you like me Now
How Soon is Now
Macarthur Park
Let's Dance
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Buy a house in Lake Tahoe tucked away in the woods
Own a running shoe/apparel store
Travel
Donate to favorite charities
Invest
Five things you would never wear again:
Anything that doesn't fit anymore
A tie
Short shorts
A headband
Can't think of anything else
Five favorite toys:
Old pinball machines
Cards
Scrabble
Puzzles
Handheld games like football
What were you doing 10 years ago?
Just returning to Sonoma County, Ca. after being on the road for 3 months - traveled all around the country(except pacific northwest) by myself in my car (then a white honda CRX)
What were you doing one year ago?
Recovering from my 4th marathon done in San Francisco
Five snacks you enjoy:
Kettle Chips-any flavor
Red Licorice
Unsalted Almonds
Salami
Cheese
Five songs you know all the words to:
Black Horse and Cherry Tree
How do you like me Now
How Soon is Now
Macarthur Park
Let's Dance
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Buy a house in Lake Tahoe tucked away in the woods
Own a running shoe/apparel store
Travel
Donate to favorite charities
Invest
Five things you would never wear again:
Anything that doesn't fit anymore
A tie
Short shorts
A headband
Can't think of anything else
Five favorite toys:
Old pinball machines
Cards
Scrabble
Puzzles
Handheld games like football
Thursday, August 17, 2006
remember the ad libs? Fill in the Blanks...
My answers are in Parentheses
I like my coffee________________.(1/2 & 1/2 & a bit of brown sugar) While, sipping
my coffee, I really like to______________.(read the newspaper or journal). If i am
really struggling, energy wise, later in the day, I will have ________________
(starbucks cappuccino) or ____________(SoBe Adrenaline Rush) to pick me up.
On my way to work, I listen to _______________(NPR or 92.9 dave fm). I ___________
enjoy)my commute to work, except when__________________(i am running late &
traffic is bad). I'm so glad I don't_____________________. (live where i have to
take a train, like i used to in SF!)
Today I am feeling_________________(ok, but a bit disoriented) and i really wish
that after work, I could _________________(get a foot massage)
I also wish i had enought money to________________(go to a spa in santa barbara for
a week. But, that will have to wait for now.
Last night, I drank __________________(a cappuccino, water, then a Cosmopolitan)
and thought about________________________(my upcoming trip to SF). It made me feel
kinda _________________.(happy/excited)
As the weekend nears, I am looking forward to ___________________. (good weather,
good workouts,good food). I really need to _____________________(buy clothes) and i
hope i get to do that also.
Kinda Silly, but i hope some of you play.
I like my coffee________________.(1/2 & 1/2 & a bit of brown sugar) While, sipping
my coffee, I really like to______________.(read the newspaper or journal). If i am
really struggling, energy wise, later in the day, I will have ________________
(starbucks cappuccino) or ____________(SoBe Adrenaline Rush) to pick me up.
On my way to work, I listen to _______________(NPR or 92.9 dave fm). I ___________
enjoy)my commute to work, except when__________________(i am running late &
traffic is bad). I'm so glad I don't_____________________. (live where i have to
take a train, like i used to in SF!)
Today I am feeling_________________(ok, but a bit disoriented) and i really wish
that after work, I could _________________(get a foot massage)
I also wish i had enought money to________________(go to a spa in santa barbara for
a week. But, that will have to wait for now.
Last night, I drank __________________(a cappuccino, water, then a Cosmopolitan)
and thought about________________________(my upcoming trip to SF). It made me feel
kinda _________________.(happy/excited)
As the weekend nears, I am looking forward to ___________________. (good weather,
good workouts,good food). I really need to _____________________(buy clothes) and i
hope i get to do that also.
Kinda Silly, but i hope some of you play.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Urges
Urges I often have, but don't act upon:
1. Give someone a lift who is waiting for the bus, especially in very hot or cold weather
2. Put a $20 in a sleeping street person's lap
3. Pull up the pants of those wearing them around their ankles
4. Yell at a parent who is screaming at their child in public
5. Tell overweight people i see exercising how great it is that they are exercising & offer encouragement
6. Talk to people in the elevator(why do we all just stand there and watch the numbers go up, go down??)
Urges I have had AND acted upon
1. told a stranger they were very attractive when they were (with no interest on my part)
2. let people in my life know how much i love, care for them
3. holler out my vehicle window when i am happy
4. look like a fool...for love
5. dance in my apartment full-on with spinning, and shouting the words out in my very BAD singing voice
6. won & lost hundreds of $ in casinos on crazy bets
what are some of your done and not done urges?
1. Give someone a lift who is waiting for the bus, especially in very hot or cold weather
2. Put a $20 in a sleeping street person's lap
3. Pull up the pants of those wearing them around their ankles
4. Yell at a parent who is screaming at their child in public
5. Tell overweight people i see exercising how great it is that they are exercising & offer encouragement
6. Talk to people in the elevator(why do we all just stand there and watch the numbers go up, go down??)
Urges I have had AND acted upon
1. told a stranger they were very attractive when they were (with no interest on my part)
2. let people in my life know how much i love, care for them
3. holler out my vehicle window when i am happy
4. look like a fool...for love
5. dance in my apartment full-on with spinning, and shouting the words out in my very BAD singing voice
6. won & lost hundreds of $ in casinos on crazy bets
what are some of your done and not done urges?
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Scars
aren't scars intersting? or do you find them ugly? I find them fascinating. I have a lot of scars on my body. i have 10 alone on my two legs. they range in size from very large to small, but not tiny. i think i got my first scar when i was about 6 or 7. when i look at my scars, i am not embarassed or shy about them. they are a part of me and show the life i have lived, this far.
do you have scars? like them? hate them? like them on others, but not yourself?
just curious...
do you have scars? like them? hate them? like them on others, but not yourself?
just curious...
Friday, August 11, 2006
I got this from unbalanced
9 Lasts:
1. Last place you were: Co-workers Office
2. Last drug used: Paxil
3. Last beverage: Starbucks YUKON Coffee, Grande
4. Last Kiss: KEO
5. Last movie seen: The Night Listener
6. Last phone call: client
7. Last CD played: Enigma-The Cross of Changes
8. Last bubble bath: YEARS ago
9. Last time you cried: few days ago
8 Have You Evers:
1. Have you ever dated someone twice: Yes
2. Have you ever been cheated on: Yes
3. Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: NO
4. Have you ever fallen in love: Yes
5. Have you ever lost someone: Yes
6. Have you ever been depressed: Yes
7. Have you ever been out of the country: yes, England,France,Thailand, Nepal
8. Have you ever been on TV: maybe...
7 States You've Been to:
1. Texas
2. California
3. Arizona
4. Nevada
5. New Mexico
6. Oregon
7. Louisiana
8. Alabama
9. Mississippi
10. Georgia
11. North Carolina
12. South Carolina
13. Tennessee
14. Virginia/D.C.
15. New York
16. Massachusetts
17. Vermont
18. Connecticut
19. Pennsylvania
20. Ohio
21. Illinois
22. Iowa
23. Colorado
24. Nebraska
25. New Jersey
6 Things You've Done Today...
1. Went to Starbucks
2. Worked
3. Blogged
4. Blog hopped
5. Ironed my clothes
6. Brushed my teeth
7. Ate a banana
5 Favorite Things:
1. doing the crossword
2. margaritas
3. a good workout
4. reading
5. traveling
4 People You Can Tell Almost Anything:
1. hh
2. dk
3 Favorite Colors
1. Orange
2. Forest Green
3. Navy Blue
2 things you want to do before you die.
1. complete an IRONMAN Triathlon
2. travel to south america
1 thing you regret...
1. nothing
9 Lasts:
1. Last place you were: Co-workers Office
2. Last drug used: Paxil
3. Last beverage: Starbucks YUKON Coffee, Grande
4. Last Kiss: KEO
5. Last movie seen: The Night Listener
6. Last phone call: client
7. Last CD played: Enigma-The Cross of Changes
8. Last bubble bath: YEARS ago
9. Last time you cried: few days ago
8 Have You Evers:
1. Have you ever dated someone twice: Yes
2. Have you ever been cheated on: Yes
3. Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: NO
4. Have you ever fallen in love: Yes
5. Have you ever lost someone: Yes
6. Have you ever been depressed: Yes
7. Have you ever been out of the country: yes, England,France,Thailand, Nepal
8. Have you ever been on TV: maybe...
7 States You've Been to:
1. Texas
2. California
3. Arizona
4. Nevada
5. New Mexico
6. Oregon
7. Louisiana
8. Alabama
9. Mississippi
10. Georgia
11. North Carolina
12. South Carolina
13. Tennessee
14. Virginia/D.C.
15. New York
16. Massachusetts
17. Vermont
18. Connecticut
19. Pennsylvania
20. Ohio
21. Illinois
22. Iowa
23. Colorado
24. Nebraska
25. New Jersey
6 Things You've Done Today...
1. Went to Starbucks
2. Worked
3. Blogged
4. Blog hopped
5. Ironed my clothes
6. Brushed my teeth
7. Ate a banana
5 Favorite Things:
1. doing the crossword
2. margaritas
3. a good workout
4. reading
5. traveling
4 People You Can Tell Almost Anything:
1. hh
2. dk
3 Favorite Colors
1. Orange
2. Forest Green
3. Navy Blue
2 things you want to do before you die.
1. complete an IRONMAN Triathlon
2. travel to south america
1 thing you regret...
1. nothing
this world....
i find myself so disturbed by the events of the world, especially as of late. the "war" is israel/lebanon; the death that happened in our community, all the freaking news i hear every day about someone killing their child, their mother, etc...and then the blow of yesterday...
as i listened to last nights news, the newsman said they are not even sure they caught the whole plan!
I am not angry. I found myself sad and scared, actually. I feel like i want to go hide somewhere. But where, where are we safe?
Maybe Hawaii??? I never hear of bad things in Hawaii. Maybe i ought to check it out.
as i listened to last nights news, the newsman said they are not even sure they caught the whole plan!
I am not angry. I found myself sad and scared, actually. I feel like i want to go hide somewhere. But where, where are we safe?
Maybe Hawaii??? I never hear of bad things in Hawaii. Maybe i ought to check it out.
Friday, August 04, 2006
ak-nelec
this morning, i dripped from thoughts of you
a secret that came leaking out...
i thought to drown myself, but halted
and let it stay as a remembrance of what is true, what is real
if only for a moment, if only for a moment
a secret that came leaking out...
i thought to drown myself, but halted
and let it stay as a remembrance of what is true, what is real
if only for a moment, if only for a moment
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
2 moments
this morning, i caught a bit of sunrise and whenever i do, i am often reminded of a time i spent in thailand/nepal in 1992. i had woken on my final day in bangkok and was waiting for a taxi to take me to the airport. i caught an amazing and beautiful sunrise that morning that i have never forgotten. i was flying home after 2 weeks on the other side of the world! it was a precious moment. after flying home to San Francisco(at the time), i took a taxi home and went to sleep. I woke the next morning very early and went up to my roof with a cup of coffee....to catch the sunrise in San Francisco. It was gorgeous. I was overwhelmed with the fact that i had caught these two beautiful moments in two entirely different places...separated only by space and time.
here's to the moments that make us stop.
Cheers
Friday, July 28, 2006
art..
i have a piece of art that describes love as follows:
Love is traumatic, belligerent, elusive and wondrous.
i have found these four words to be amazingly accurate.
don't u?
Love is traumatic, belligerent, elusive and wondrous.
i have found these four words to be amazingly accurate.
don't u?
Sunday, July 23, 2006
For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
This is one of my absolute favorite quotes, from an incredible poet/writer. It is not easy to love and anyone who may say otherwise i think is suspect. I mean, sure, it is easy to love when things are happening as you want with whomever, friend, lover, partner, pet, kid...whomever. But, when it is NOT smooth sailing, it can be a challenge to love. And yet, when we can love well...is there nothing better?
Saturday, July 22, 2006
want
one of the toughest things to deal with, i think, on an interpersonal level, is when wants between two people don't match. It's interesting how reactions can range from simple irritation to downright devastation.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
grappling...
"If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?"
-Rabbi Hillel
I have always loved this quote. for me, it really speaks to examing yourself, your motives and your ways of being with others.
I really grapple with the whole selfishness stuff...i feel that we are all selfish, but obviously some more than others. i feel i am less selfish than most of the friends i have and that is hard for me, at times. Should i be more accepting of them or more demanding of myself? I don't really know....
-Rabbi Hillel
I have always loved this quote. for me, it really speaks to examing yourself, your motives and your ways of being with others.
I really grapple with the whole selfishness stuff...i feel that we are all selfish, but obviously some more than others. i feel i am less selfish than most of the friends i have and that is hard for me, at times. Should i be more accepting of them or more demanding of myself? I don't really know....
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
It's When
It's when you get older and the tables turn a little that you realize that getting love and giving love come as a package-that finding someone to love is as important as finding someone to love you. I look around and see so many people wanting to be loved, waiting to be loved, waiting for some big, generous, comforting, nourishing being to drop out of the blue into their lives and give them LOVE. Love with a capital EL. The question is: will it ever happen? Or will it ever happen the way they want it to happen? Can it really happen? Can it really happen that way?.....maybe, maybe.
-Richard Stine
-Richard Stine
Sunday, July 09, 2006
no regrets
there have been times in my life when i have loved another with true abandon...the good kind...where i have let go and let myself love with abandonment. with wildness. with craziness. with carefree-ness. in those moments, it always felt good. in the moments, i always felt it was right.
there is nothing i would take back or change. i wrestle with wishing some interactions or relationships lasted longer, but i am trying to take the gifts for what they are. sometimes, it lasts a minute, sometimes a year. if i stay in "wish" mode, i will miss out on what is happening in the moment. i don't want to do that. maybe i am crazy....but moments, ahhh...i fall in love with moments....
there is nothing i would take back or change. i wrestle with wishing some interactions or relationships lasted longer, but i am trying to take the gifts for what they are. sometimes, it lasts a minute, sometimes a year. if i stay in "wish" mode, i will miss out on what is happening in the moment. i don't want to do that. maybe i am crazy....but moments, ahhh...i fall in love with moments....
Saturday, July 08, 2006
can, cannot, will, will not
while having dinner with a friend lastg night, i got onto something that turned into something of a roll. we were talking about fear. being afraid of, afraid to, can't. and i went on to say these things: (even though i was talking to her, when i said "you", i wasn't just addressing her, i was addressing the great YOU, meaning all of us.)
"don't talk to me about can't. you either will or you won't. it's not that you can't. you can, but you are not willing. very rarely is someone NOT ABLE to do something. you CAN, but you DON'T...becasuse of various reasons. don't tell me you can't, tell me you are not WILLING to....you are not WILLING TO UNDERGO whatever it takes to do the thing or be the person you continue to say you can't. WE CAN.
just sit with how different it feels to say, i am not willing to do _____ instead of I can't. There is choice and there is power. We have choice and we have power, not only with our words, but with our actions.
I will no longer say, "i can't swim" when people ask why don't i do triathlons. i can swim, however, i am not at a competitive level. If i want to be more serious, i will have to get much more time in the pool and meybe get some coaching. But, I can swim.
GO. DO. BE. BE GREAT.
Cheers
"don't talk to me about can't. you either will or you won't. it's not that you can't. you can, but you are not willing. very rarely is someone NOT ABLE to do something. you CAN, but you DON'T...becasuse of various reasons. don't tell me you can't, tell me you are not WILLING to....you are not WILLING TO UNDERGO whatever it takes to do the thing or be the person you continue to say you can't. WE CAN.
just sit with how different it feels to say, i am not willing to do _____ instead of I can't. There is choice and there is power. We have choice and we have power, not only with our words, but with our actions.
I will no longer say, "i can't swim" when people ask why don't i do triathlons. i can swim, however, i am not at a competitive level. If i want to be more serious, i will have to get much more time in the pool and meybe get some coaching. But, I can swim.
GO. DO. BE. BE GREAT.
Cheers
Friday, July 07, 2006
Routines
have you ever really noticed how routinized your life is? why do we have routines? does it make us feel safe? comfortable? what are some of yours? do you like it?
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
"the way i see it..."
why is it that, in general, people always wait til they are deathly ill or someone else is or something of the sorts before they really start appreciating, really living? why do we need such a "shake-up"? I feel like I want to shout out: "this is it, folks. this is the moment we have. take advantage of it. yes, smell the flowers, smile, be bigger than you think you can be. go for it. whatever it is. just go for it." that is what i want to shout out. we are not prisoners. we are free. take advantage of this....this LIFE.
no title
how is it that we become so afraid that we become paralyzed to do anything, most importantly, to love and let in love?
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