Written 8/31/02
I saw you twice
these past 2 years
The former,
My early December 2000 surprise visit
Rising in the elevator,
I can hardly wait to surprise you
You, who said you’d probably never see me again,
Would be so glad, I thought
Watching TV
in your tiny cluttered apartment
You were expecting someone else --
A regualr, weekend visitor
Feeling the door unlocked, I enter
TV person’s voice filling the room
You, with your back to me, can’t even hear me walk in
Walking in and kneeling down in front of you
I see you are shocked, joyfully shaken
By my enexpected visit
Covering your face with both hands
You gasp and cry
...happy to see my face again
Moving ahead to early September 2001
Just a few weeks shy of my thirteeth birthday
Another visit back home
To see you - celebrate with you
Instead,
A premature phone call
That late night call one always dreads
(something has to be wrong)
On the other end, I know.
My sister’s voice
Quiet
Intermittenly shaking
“...grandma passed away”
Soon enough
I see you once again
My once eager steps now slower
more deliberate
Dreaded, even
You are lying down
Quietly forever asleep
In what I see will be your permanent bed
Not prepared to see you this way
so cold
so still
so “made up” - like a gypsy, as you would say
This scene, so unlike the last one
So devoid of the noise
the smiles
the laughter
This time,
i am the one surprised, shocked
covering my face with both hands
shivering, weeping
remembering the last time i saw you
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6 comments:
((( )))
I was at work-in the middle of the afternoon-when time stopped, May 1989.
Very moving. Thanks so much for sharing.
sassy...what is that? a HUG? :)
Somehow I knew that was about your grandmother before I even finished reading.
My grandmother developed Parkinson's (I hope that's the right way to put that) after her 80th birthday.
She and I both knew it was just a matter of time. So, after the birth of my oldest daughter, I made an effort to get to see her/talk to her/write to her as often as I could.
She died two months to the day from the birth of my second daughter. She, like a good Southern woman :), had her hair fixed and died peacefully in her sleep.
I thought I would not feel loved ever again when I lost my grandmother.
Hugs.
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