last weekend, while having a conversation with best friend, a lightbulb went off. Don't ya just love it when that happens? Somehow the word, NURTURE, came into the conversation and i grew silent for a few minutes while pondering what that word actually means and how it is completely vacant from my vocabulary. And then i began to think of the differences between nurturing myself and taking care of myself. The lightbulb that went off and what led to the ensuing discussion with best friend was how I am a freakin' pro at taking care of myself, but i freakin' suck at Nurturing myself. I thank my very complicated, tragic and sad early years for my ability to take care of myself...(something good did come of all of it!!!) I can be on my own, i can travel alone, i can travel alone to places i've never been before and not freak out. i can completely fend for myself. i can go into suspect neighborhoods and not nearly be as afraid as the next person. i can manage my life. i can be without relationship for years and be fine. Now, nurture....eek...yikes... When i think of nurturing myself, very soft and warm images come to mind...softly speaking, soft hugs, warm soup, just softness....like a big soft blanket covering you up on the couch on a fall day. Don't get me wrong, i can definitley be soft and actually, a total mushball when i am with people i feel very safe with and who have known me a long time...but right now, at this point in my life, i feel like my toughness has been around for sooo long. I am in a job environment that is totally dominated by men and my toughness just organically comes out. Also, my determination and dedication to things like a marathon keep me in a "tough" state of mind. I feel like even my interactions with others is tough or rough...not very compassionate. The closest things i do to nurture myself now are getting massages and having quiet time to stretch in my house. The lightbulb was so blinding to me because I am so out of balance and i need to find it. I'd like to tell you that i have already begun...the awareness is always the first and biggest step and now I find myself a few times a day asking myself..."how are you going to nurture yourself today?" Even if i don't have an answer, i don't care. It's the question alone that makes me stop, and in the asking i am able to come back "home" to a place where i know i can. I have begun by taking a better and closer look at my diet, which doesn't necessarily include bad food, but not nearly enough food for the amount of energy i spend. i need to feed my BODY better.
I have a lot to think about, but this is a great first step.
of course, it is great to be able to take care of oneself. we all need that. and we need to nuture. so, my friends, i ask you...are you nuturing yourself?
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4 comments:
Yep - on the beach
Definitely...the one thing I'm really good at is making myself feel better when I'm needy. If that means I get to go to the bakery and pick out one cream-filled thing (OK three) and eat it for dinner with a glass of wine, I do it. If I want to pour a bath and frig around with the speakers for half an hour so I can listen to Portishead and make a big smelly jasmine oil mess with candles and rose petals, I do it. When I'm sick, I buy freezies and gingerale and KFC hot wings (they cure fevers) and smutty magazines. I never feel bad about sleeping in an extra half hour or spending an hour making a special meal or picking up flowers.
After all, wouldn't you do all that for your partner without thinking twice? I think when you nurture yourself you tell yourself that you are just as deserving as the care and love you lavish on your friends and lovers, and that's good for your soul.
Or maybe I'm just trying to justify how spoiled I've made myself! :) ~sigh~
t2, yes..sounds like u had a great time at beach.
claire--what are "smutty" magazines?
Totally, all the time.
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