today, i did one thing that i never do. well, two things really. one, i left work a whole hour early. the second thing was the bigger thing: i came home and took a bath!
last night after my massage, my masseuse recommended that i take baths with bath salts....for my aching calf muscles. she is not the first person to tell me this, but for some reason, she was the one who actually got me to take the advice. so, on the way home early from work, i stopped in and bought some bath salts specifically for healing muscle aches. after doing some cleaning, laundry, etc..i started the bath. mind you, i am not a big fan of baths. maybe because i don’t have a tub like Trinity, but still....i have just never really been a bath kind of girl. also, my bathtub is not one that is real motivating to go soak in. it’s old --- my dwelling, while very cozy and comforting, is old and the bathtub is just not something i fantasize about ---know what i mean? Well, i put the bath salts in and soaked and it was quiet and it smelled good...eucalyptus with somethin’ else. not only was it great to soak, it was wonderful to just be still and quiet. ...
i have not felt “right” for about the past 7 days and i can’t quite figure it out. and then today, i was just downright cranky and grumpy. my body has not felt right and that is hard for me to accept and have patience with. i had a little of the sinus thing that has been everywhere and my body has been sore and slow and my running hasbeen much less that i would like. i feel pretty in tune to my body so when there are times when i don’t feel right, it affects me quite a bit.
and then of course, it can’t all be physical. there are other things going on in my mind that have been taking space. in some ways, i feel like i just need a break. i feel maybe a bit burnt out on my life as it is...the job, the living space, the neighborhood, the city, the things that make up my days....i wish i could take a month off and just go somewhere else or a few places and then come back. maybe i just need more balance in my life? that could be it too. i’m just sort of rambling here....
A line comes to me from “The Great Gatsby” (one of the best books ever written, in my opinion)
“There are on the pursued, the pursuing, the busy & the tired”
whenever i feel this way and share about it, i tend to feel guity...as though i may come across as not being grateful and appreciative of my life. is that strange? i do feel grateful and very appreciative of my life and actually, my life is good. what is strange is that i do spend quite a bit of time alone, but lately i feel as though that time has not been high in quality. that, i know i can change. and will.
this has been a kinda weird post, for me. it’s more of a true journal entry.
thanks for listening.
10 comments:
You are welcome afunt, now you're getting to the good stuff.
Wow, so many things to comment on here: baths, your masseuse, the actual bath itself, the mind/body connection, revelations, unnecessary guilt, bubble baths, t2's tub(?), letting go, bubble baths... I could go on and on- but I won't. To me it sounds like leaving work early and getting wet was exactly what your body and mind needed. A toast to you... and loose the guilt.
Like R.D. said, there are lots of things I could comment on but the thing that struck me most was the feelings of guilt for expressing discomfort or displeasure with something in your life.
We can still be grateful and yet want things to change or be different. Those feelings can co-exist. I think that for many people (me included), it's much easier to do anything else but be kind to yourself. We push, cajole, berate, guilt and doubt ourselves quite easily, but when it comes to taking time to soak in a bath tub to soak mind, body and spirit, it's often like we're asking for something outrageous.
Good for you for being and staying tuned into your body as well as your mind and your heart. And thanks for the reminder about "The Great Gatsby". It's one of my favorites too. :)
AF,
You are allowed to voice your feelings without it being about a lack of gratitude. Thank you for sharing such tender thoughts.
Isn't it amazing how productive it can be to just soak, to sit still and reconnect to ourselves. Sometimes we keep moving so that we don't really deal with those things that are 'rambling around', but even you can't out run it.
I am glad you left work early. I am also glad that you took time out to just be.
Feel better soon, and keep being good to yourself.
Hey, was there wine in that bath with you? You might want to think of that for next time.
I'm telling you - the baths are where it's all about in relaxing and letting things go!
I enjoyed that post - it's nice reading where your mind is and what's going on with you.
wow...left work early to take a bath! how come i never thought of that?
sounds like a great remedy. I'm on it!
thanks for sharing.
r.d. - yes, T2's got some fancy jet tub! thx for your nice comments. no..no wine. i have a hard time buying wine since it would just be me drinking it. it would go bad before i even finished half!! :)
kelly-thanks for the reminders! i need to remind myself of the things you said!
storm--thanks, girl. i love the stillness and quiet. maybe i was meant to be in a mountain home??
trinity-i know you know all about the baths, girl!
only d. - yeah, take the soak plunge yoursefl!
Please don't feel guilty for sharing your thoughts on your own blog. This is your space to put whatever is on your mind; good, bad, or in the middle. Writing something that is self reflective doesn't imply that you're not appreciative of what you have or where you're at. It's just you processing through things, and it's not for me, or anyone, to judge.
Baths, btw, are a wonderful place to just sit and think, or not think, and just be.
thanks for stopping by.
your post about sums up how i feel every once in a while. i think everyone does. and good for you for taking care of yourself. not everyone knows how to listen to their body and pamper i.
Glad you found a way to relax, I need to take a cue from you and do the same!
Thanks for visitng my blog the other day. :)
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