what a week! last sunday, i finished my 5th marathon and the days that followed were filled many aches and pains, attention and just a weird week. The marathon was the toughest one i have ever done. if you want to read why, see oneingatl.blogspot.com.
my body was limited to a slow shuffle at work on monday; my thighs torn up from the many hills we had to climb...each time i rose from my desk, i felt like i had 100 lb weights on my quads. It was not a sweet pain wherein, the past it had been. Because I was disappointed by the effort I was able to put forth and my ultimate finish, the pain seemed every worse. After every other marathon, i have beenleft with sweet pain that is satisfying and gratifying. not this time. i am not saying i am not proud to have been out there, i’m just also disappointed. i can be both. right?
thank goodness for my pal, AJ, at work. she is my confidante, buddy, one to joke and tease with and even, a little gossip here and there. and this week, i realized how important it was to be able to have someone with WHINE to. Thanks, AJ. She put up with my whining about my body all week. I am not one who easily whines, but i suppose due to how our friendship has developed, i felt very comfortablle whining away to her. By Friday, I think she may have been over it though. :)
Mid week brought some trickles of disconcerting news...none of which had anything to do with me, but somehow seeped into my psychic space or something like that...the first was that there was a news report out that at a nearby highway overpass, a woman had jumped. suicide. i pass the same spot each week. it’s always disconcerting to hear of a jumper...especially a jumper who chooses to jump and land on concrete. how much pain must one be in to make that choice?! A s someone from SF, i am quite familiar with hearing of jumpers of the beloved golden gate....but it wasn’t until last year that i heard of folks jumping from overpasses onto the highways. wow. makes my insides squirm.
same day, got a call from a friend who mentioned her friend’s husband was talking of suicide and had to be hospitalized.
next morning at work, i come in and greet AJ. Usually she is so bubbly and very talkative....not so that morning. with watery eyes, she told me that her ex-boyfriends(who she remains close too) daughter was sentenced to 10 years in jail. (about 2 years ago, she had been drinking, went wrong way on the highway and got into an accident, killing 2 young men)
Of course, the whole thing is tragic. tragic for her who had rarely been a drinker, who was a local successful college athete,who came from a white-collar family, who had a family of her own.
tragic for the lives lost. 2 young lives. my friend, AJ, feels for her friend and his fear and what he goes through as a father watching his daughter face the consequences of her actions.
Vehicular Involuntary manslaughtger is tough. As a person who lost my mother this way, i know it all too well. Back in 1983, this was not punished very much, as we learned the man who caused the accident was left to go free and unpunished from his actions. Where was justice? As a child, i had been so angry. Why did he get to be free when someone had died and others, nearly dead? It wasn’t until years later when i understood that he would have to live with his actions for all days. Could anything be worse?
I honestly don’t know what the penalty should be for this crime. You don’t mean to kill someone, buy you do. All I believe is that our justice system is far from justice...far....
Yesterday, clients came in to the office. A woman and her son. Her husband, his father, recently passed away very suddenly. He was my client & they came in to deal with some of his affairs. He had been a heathly 70 - something year old. Went out for his usual jog and when he stopped and cooled down, he collapsed. Cause of death was not determined. He was and they are a family of tremendous faith. Sitting and sharing and listening with them was solemn and very sacred. Their grief alive and yet so was their faith in their god. The gentleman had been in the marines much earliier in his life and so part of his funeral was military. The marines gave a 21 gun salute.The son said, “when i looked around at that point, i was so proud to be his son.” his words quiet and clear. I was lucky to be a witness.
Interspersed with all this was having to intereact with people in a much more cheerful way than i was up to...but you just do it..
And then, of course, there were much lighter moments....AJ teasing me about my aches and pains and saying, “ok. i was sympathetic on tuesday, but now, it’s friday, so...”
This seems to be an interesting post on the heels of the last one about bigness and smallness. On monday, it was easy for me to feel big because of the marathon achievement and all the folks in the office congratulating me and wasnting all the detaiils and such. it was nice, of course.
and then, little by little, i am reminded of my smallness. death has a funny way of doing that, doesn’t it?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Physical pain makes it hard to see beyond yourself. You have my sympathy about your poor over-worked legs.
I always over do it after a break from my exercise routine, usually resulting in an inability to do even the simplest tasks, such as operate the clutch on my car. My whining usually involves the phrase, "I can't walk. If you really loved me, you'd carry me everywhere."
Funny how we tend to get lost in a fog of what's going on with ourselves and then events around us snap us out of it and make us feel like we're so lucky, small, etc.
Another great post and congratulations on the marathon!!! You've done 5? I think that's amazing! Kudos!
i've read this four over the past couple days and remain struck by the highs, lows, joys and pains, all so visible all so...present.
and at the end, the realization that we are but a speck in the whole scheme of things.
Post a Comment