When I was an elementary school kid, I recall a project we had to do. A CREATIVE project, which at the time scared the crap out of me. (today, still makes me very anxious as I have never beem creative in the traditional way) Anyway, I must have been about 7 years old and we were to make something using a piece of cardboard and colored beans. We could make anyhing we wanted. Well, it comes as not surprise to me now, but the thing I created out of my colored beans was simply the word, BEST…big enough to cover the cardboard piece that was approximately 8x10.
I loved it. I wish I still had it, but I have no idea what happened to it…must have gotten lost during one of my 35 moves! HA!
Well, I want to say that while I am sure I cannot specifically tell you why I chose that particular word the, my guess is that I wanted to be the BEST. I wanted to excel. I wanted to stand out. I wanted to shine. And I still do. But here is the thing. I have never wanted to do this with the mindset that I was going to beat everyone else. Wanting to be the best a has never been about being better than anyone else, but being the BEST that I can be…the best AFUNTANILLA. I have a determination that eats away at me…that bothers me and pushes me. Some folks may think I need to relax, but you know what…that is not what my life is about….relaxing. My life is about searching and trying to be better…a better person. A better friend, co-worker, employee, athlete, etc… My life is about searching because I never want to settle. I never want to be complacent or accept something from myself that is less than I am capable of. I think I have a healthy ego, but my desire comes from a humble place. And my hope is that if I can improve upon myself and be the best AFUNTANILLA I can be, then I will have much to offer you. YOU. Whoever YOU are.
Damn, I really wish I had my little piece of art.
8 comments:
I always want to excell in everything I do too but if I'm not 100% sure I will be able to than I won't even try. That, needless to say, has become a problem (issue) in my life.
I'm thinking as long as your determination doesn't bring you down afunt, or turn on you (the anger thing) than you should have some things to look forward to your whole life. As long as you lead with the heart and not the head...
Why not re-create that sign, AF? It doesn't have to be out of colored beans, but it could be! It obviously still resonates with you all these years later and perhaps it would be good for you to have it around again. :)
I have the same challenge as R.D. My perfectionsim turns into procrastination and then often into inertia. Being focused and determined from a place of inner-direction rather than out of some outer-directed need for external validation or competition is a fabulous quality to possess.
You absolutely are the BEST!!!
I honestly don't mean that in some sort of trite, drive-by comment sort of way. Based on what I know of you, it's very evident that you are a genuine, strident, focused and determined woman who knows what she wants.
You're bigger than all the beans in Boston, Baby!
r.d. -- too true!
kelly - how did i know someone would recommend making the sign again? :)
theresa - thanks soooo much. u r sweet!
AF,
You left it right over the proverbial plate for me to hit, AF! :)
kelly- you hit a homer girl...right into mccovey cove. :)
I'd love to do just that. Perhaps in my parallel existence...
BEST. How telling.
I would be willing to bet that this time the old anxiety won't be there. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.
You are the best.
peace.
Post a Comment