odds n ends

This is a compilation of perhaps quirky or unusal things about me:

1) I look under hotel beds before going to sleep just to make sure no psycho-killer or dead body is underneath

2) I've never eaten a Big Mac, Whopper or Banana Split

3) I check my alarm about 7 times before going to sleep

4) I read books and listen the the braves baseball games at the same time

5) I've never seen "It's a Wonderful Life", "Miracle on 34th Street", or "Casablanca"

6) I hug myself

7) I think most women look better WITHOUT make-up of any kind

8) I didn't know what a papsmear was until age 21

9) I don't really enjoy zoos or aquariums

10) I don't like sushi or artichokes. (it seems most people like these)

Comics, Matches & "J"

A long weekend in Chicago seems long past just days after Trin (T2) and I boarded our Airtran flight back home to Atlanta.

Memories linger; getting text messages from Kelly about her horrible 3-4 time flight delay out of SFO, seeing the price of gasoline as we bumped along in our shuttle van, $3.79! Yikes!; feeling the giddiness of meeting blogging pals and the excitement of being back in a city I adore.
Trin & I had time to ourselves as we waited for R.D.’s arrival at ROCKIT Bar and Grill. This was the 1st place I was able to collect matches. Yep, I’m a match collector. 1 beer and 1 cosmo later, I returned from the bathroom to see R.D. in the flesh! There she was sitting with Trin at the elevated table by the window. Wow. In the person, a pal from blogger.com. Wow. All her posts and comments to my posts finally come to life. Wow. Yep, I saw wow a lot. I think I might have just stared at her for a second because I do that...i just look when I am a bit startled. I have this innocence and awe about me...so sometimes, I am just in awe of things and people and I just stare. I forget that it may be weird for the other person, but really...I am just trying to get a grip and yes, soak it all in. Soak the moment in.
Finally, we get word from Kelly of her long-awaited arrival. I met her across street and we put her bags in the room. We left and met the girls and 2 more cosmos later, we were all settled in and talking and sharing. It was so comfortable, as if we had known each other for quite some time. No awkwardness at all.

Next day we went to another place called, T’s bar and restaurant where I got more matches.

Next day we met up for a delicious brunch followed by a walk in the nieghborhood. A beautiful, sunny, Chicago day. I walked happily knowing I had already gotten my run in for the day. Walking back toward the car, we stopped and lingered at an open area just outside the brunch place. Lots of people out, enjoying the sun. There was an elevated cement area where myself, R.D. and Trin all sat, not talking. Both of them had some shades on and I just got full sun. Kelly was off in the shade with R.D.’s love, C. I looked over at them and they were in full discussion...chatting away as if they had known each other for like 1o years. So, there we were...full bellies and all...soaking up the sun and the light guitar sounds of a man in black that looked like a mix between Gene Wilder and Richard Simmons.

Last night together, we ventured out to a fru-fru place down the block from our hotel called Pop’s Champagne. I think we were all a bit intimidated by the menu, but luckily my pals trusted me to make a choice. I chose a place I know, but have never tasted. “J” is the name. Simple. Located on the outskirts of the Dry Creek Valley in Sonoma County, CA. A wonderful rose Champagne we had. Maybe the best I have ever had.

Somewhere between meeting up and leaving, R.D. made a comment about how weird it was to have us there...as if we were comic strip characters come to life. A pretty cool and accurate description of what it all felt like. It was a very special and fun weekend.

And if we are comic strip characters, I get to be Charlie Brown.

...Just Saying...

an old friend...

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

-M A Radmacher

this and that

Not much posting lately as I have been seriously under the gun at work and such. Just wanted to note some things that will sound kinda random, but here they are:

Last Saturday, I went to a very small gathering(fundraiser) for Hillary Clinton. Very cool, indeed. To watch her, hear her speak, shake her hand and look into her eyes was very cool. Not sure who will get my vote, but she hasn't done much to sway me from her.

Also on Saturday, I went to the mall to buy some freaking clothes which I sorely need. And Monday morning, there I was at work, in a nice black skirt, blouse and blazer. I RARELY wear skirts, so i always seem to get a lot of compliments, which is nice. And, I will say, I do have nice legs!! :)

Sadly, the Warriors run is over. They were only able to eek out one win against the Utah Jazz. However, they brought an excitement and thrill to the playoffs that was so awesome and very needed in the NBA. Now, the same BORING teams are left. I could care less who wins. San Antonio? Gimme a break!! BORING.

And on a much more positive note, tomorrow, some of us will be gathering in CHICAGO! and hooting and hollering over memorial day weekend. YIPPEE. CHEERS!!

Making it better...

what a shitty week it was. stressed. exhausted. then, a great thing happened late friday night!











Man, I LOVE watching playoff sports. Watching the game last night was thrilling. Seeing all the fans in their yellow "WE BELIEVE" t-shirts. The place was nuts!!

What a high! There is no team in the NBA more exciting, hands down. Keep it going warriors! You got an old fan over here in the southeast rooting her crazy head off for you!!

Meet Me - Part II

To read PART I, see part I

The day after the fedex was mailed, of course, she had to actually call the hotel in Houston and make sure it arrived and that the concierge or whomever delivered it to E. She only had one day to make sure it had arrived. So.

Packaged received and delivered. Now, it was all up in the air. It was all very fun…not knowing. The knowing E. would have received the package by now, but the not knowing of her answer.

2 days later, Saturday arrived. She spent the day doing her usual things: going to the market, the post office, the cleaners and while she did, she noticed a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Anxiety? Nervousness? And then more excitement. She found herself at the counter of the bakery, not paying attention to her surroundings and just simply smiling at thought of the evening.

It was a gorgeous day in town. The spring weather had brought beauty, freshness, and a slight afternoon breeze that carried on into early evening.

In her mind, she had to decide what to do if E. did not show. A no brainer, really. She would stay and have dinner anyway.

She made the short drive to the restaurant and the young valet chap opened her door, smiled, took her keys and parked the vehicle. She arrived a bit early to grab a cocktail at the bar. She sat in perfect view of the valet circle where she would see E. arrive, if indeed that turned out to be the case.

Sitting at the small, under populated bar area, she fiddled with her cocktail glass and phone. At this point, she felt confident E. would show. Just a gut feeling she had. She took a few more sips of her cocktail, the shaved ice cooling her warm throat.

Looking at her phone, the time was past the hour. It was fifteen minutes passed the hour. E. was notoriously late so she wasn’t sure how long she would actually wait. Fifteen more minutes, she thought. After that, I go to my table. Alone.

Twenty minutes after the hours passed and quickly she was determining that for whatever reason, E. would not show. She wasn’t angry.

This is how she set it up. No RSVP.

She asked the bartender woman for the check and just as she was about to pay, she took one last look outside. There, she saw her. She had showed. She saw E. coming out of her vehicle while handing keys to valet chap. Even from a distance, she saw she was moving fast, worried that she was so late, looked a bit frazzled.

E. entered the restaurant and saw her sitting at the bar. She gave her a wonderful, beautiful smile. They went on to have a fabulous meal at 213 Palm Drive

Ahhh, YES!!

Mickael Pietrus, DUNK!









Coach Don Nelson and Baron Davis










Exhuberant fans watching somewhere on TV!

The Little Team that Could

The past 2 weeks or so have been dayys of extreme excitement as my favorite basketball team, THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS (from Oakland, CA) Warriors
Made their way into the NBA Playoffs for the first time in 13 years. As a bay area native and growing up in the town next to Oakland, I have followed and been a fan of the team since my youth.
Not only has this been their first post-season trip in 13 seasons, but they also had to win almost every single one of their last games. I believe they went 9-1 in their last 10 games and they just eeked in.
What was their gift? To face the best team in basketball, the number one seed in the WEST, the DALLAS MAVERICKS. Now, on the face of this matchup, anybody would think the warriors would be easily swept in the first round, leaving their many fans with only the brief joy of MERELY making the playoffs. BUT, if you were to look closer, you would have seen that the warriors has beaten DALLAS the last 5 times they had faced each other. They were the only team all season to have a winning record against the MAVS. To understand the gravity of this, maybe you have to understand some of the history of the Warriors. They have been awful the past 10 years, at least. AWFUL. They were even pretty disgraceful many years. The rebuilding just wasn't working. New coaches weren’t able to get anything going. The team suffered and sat at the bottom of their division year after year. It was 
hard to watch, to say the least.

Fast forward to this season:

As a person living in eastern time zone, it has been a challenge to
watch the games because they have almost all begiun at 9 or 10pm. I have
forced myself to stay up at least to watch the first half of the games.
EXCITING BASKETBALL, folks!! The team is made up of a bunch of guys who
are not all that well-know, i.e. No superstars. They are small and
agile and determined! They remind me of the days when it was TMC: Tim
Hardaway, Chris Mullin and Mitch Richmond. Those guys made every game, win
or lose, exciting. And they worked hard. They were not showboats, they
just played hard. I even think word had it that Chris Mullin was
probably the hardest working guy in the NBA. No one could match his work
ethic.
Ok, back to current Warriors: To make it even sweeter, this is the
first year back to golden state for coach Don (nellie) Nelson. He was their
coach long ago and a very well liked and respected coach. His last
coaching job: his foe, The Dallas Mavericks. Who do think knew their team
better than anyone else?

So, what happened?
Warriors stun all basketball watching folks and bookies and win game 1
in Dallas.

Game 2 goes to the Mavs

Game 3 -Warriors smash 'em in Oakland-teams first home playoff win in
like a billion years.

Game 4-Warriors win. Again

Game 5-Dallas wins at home in texas. Barely.

Game 6- back to Oakland. Warriors win convincingly!!!

They are a team with a bunch of guys not making nearly what shaq or
kobe make. They are guys who just want, want, want. And they are a team
with a hellavua coach. They are a team, representing Oakland and the
entire Bay Area and its fans who are utterly starved for what they have
provided.
To me, this is one of the most exciting and precious times in sports.
It is fun and inspiring. Win or lose from here, they have shown what
true Warriors are!

pleasure

Tonight, I am having dessert.

A big, chewy, chocolate chunk pecan cookie. with milk.

I’m not sure it gets any better than this.

meet me

just when she wasn’t looking, she found a card. the perfect card. she wasn’t sure when she would send it, but she knew who is was for. “better buy it now”, she thought, and “worry about sending it later.”


later that evening, she was thinking of the one who gets her all stirred up. they hadn’t seen each other in a while and it was bothering her. She remembered that E. was away at a conference and she wouldn’t be back in town until later in the week. Suddenly, she thought what to do with the card. She would fedex it to her with a note.

First, she had to do some detective work and find out where in the hell she was staying in Houston. After some clever maneuvering, she found out it was the Westin Hotel.

Now all she needed to do was prepare the package. She wanted it to be something different; something unexpected and alluring. She took out the card from her bag and opened it. She read the words on last time before sealing it and sending it off to another state. The caption on the card read:

“We do not remember days. We remember moments.”

Beneath it were her own words to E.

“Care to share another one?

Meet me at 213 Palm Dr, this Saturday at 7 p.m.

Don’t RSVP. I know you will be able to come if I see you there...”

She smiled rereading what she had wrote and got a tingling in her stomach. In all honesty, she was tickled by herself and her own cleverness and spontaneity. She smiled at the thought of E. receiving a fedex at a hotel while out of town.

Her pulse quickened at the thought of whether E. would show or not. It was definitely exciting, the NOT KNOWING. And she truly hoped she did not get a RSVP. She didn’t want to know. She just wanted her to show or not show. Period.

She put the card in the fedex it, sealed it and attached a label. Fairly soon, the fedex guy or gal would be there soon for the late morning pickup.

had to blog about this...

it happened last weekend. i woke up saturday morning, in the little cabin rental, with a huge sold sore on my bottom lip. i have only gotten this maybe 2 times before, but never so bad or painful as this time.

so. before heading out for my trail run, i stopped into the Food Lion and bought a powerbar and looked for some ointment to put on this thing! i’m not too savvy with medicinal products, but i remember someone saying something about Neosporin.
So, i bought the neosporin. Nevertheless, it didn’t seem to work and so i just dealt with it. i guess you just have to wait these things out, i thought. the thing was pretty damn ugly for 48 hours, but by the time i got to work on monday, it didn’t look so bad. However, i just KNEW that some people would make comments about it, or just look at me funny.

So, of course, I walk in and talk to my buddy, AJ, and she says, “hey..Oh, YOU GOT A FEVER BLISTER”. As if i didn’t know. I don’t mind AJ saying anything cause she is my pal and even told me what medicine i SHOULD have bought.

As the day progressed, a few people i came into contact with simply said, “wow..what happened to your lip?” If i were quicker on my feet, i would have been able to say that i got into a fight or was kissing someone for too long or something really clever. BUT, I AM NOT QUICK ON MY FEET.

It just really cracks me up that people even ask the question: “wow, what happened to your lip?” I mean, they have no qualms about it. I would never ask someone that question. maybe a close friend, but not a co-worker.

Then, yesterday, i went across the street to the grocery store. Being that i go there about 4 times a week, i and the cashiers are familiar with each other. We don’t carry on conversations or anything, but we smile at each other and say hello. we know we recognize each other. When i went in at lunchtime yesterday, the cashier greeted me and then saw my cold sore and said, “oh, you have a cold sore” in her soft, somewhere accented voice. Her nametag reads FATITMA. She was sweet about it, like she was caring. However, this completely made me crack up laughing as I left the store. A virtual stranger making a comment about my damn cold sore. Up until then, I had no thought of blogging about it, but after Fatitma comment, i just had to.

People never seem to amaze!! What a hoot!!!

Water

water is amazing. it can heal. it can hurt. it can ruin things, destroy things. it can be calm and soothing and it can be raucous and treacherous. it can take a life. it can save a life. too much of it and it can devastate. too little of it and it can devastate. isn’t it interesting how even with water, we learn balance. it teaches balance. a surfer needs to balance just so on the water to do their thing; runners need to balance their water intake with their output. farmers NEED water for their crops, grape vines need water to grow in order to turn grapes into wine. Less and less water, and there is drought. more and more water and there are floods. both damaging, both potentially very detrimental from an physical and economic standpoint. so many things are interconnected, interdependent through water, alone.

Water seems such a huge part of my days, my existence. i am constantly going to the breakroom at the office to refill my water bottles. (and thus, constantly, going to the bathroom)
i am constantly aware of my need to go to the store to BUY water. BUY water. Amazing, isn’t it. Isn’t it in great abundance all around us, but we need to PURCHASE IT? And like so many other products, their is a range from unattractive packaging to very sexy packaging. Is it a Coke bottled water or a Pepsi bottled water? A FIJI or an Evian or the Starbucks EOS? Or the even sleeker, sexier, VOSS bottled water? Even the water bottlers/companies have figured how to package something and charge outrageous amounts. We pay more for water per gallon than we do for gas. much more. just consider that for a second.....

so many people get so angry and outraged at the price per gallon of gas; what about the price per gallon of WATER?

When did we even begin to buy bottled water? i recall the first time i really felt like i NEEDED to: in 1992, when i traveled in Thailand and Nepal.

Anyway, i crave water. I crave it on a hot day when i am out running and have none. I am appreciative to go into a starbucks, all sweaty and parched and ask for a cup of water. they offer the COLDEST water out of any place i know. and when you just ask for it, it’s free.

I crave it while living in a city completely landlocked, with any big body of water about 5-6 hours away.

However, here i sit on a saturday morning, lucky to be in the woods, in a cabin nestled between 2 little creeks. Water flows by as i write and i can hear it streaming over the rocks and on it’s way to wherever it goes. I am grateful for the sound, the scene.

...Hence, this post on H20. Drink and be merry!

Cheers!

Instantaneous Responses

hottest woman: halle berry

best drink: coffee, peets

most unlikeable person: Don Imus

best smell: carnation flowers

best smell i miss: Eucalyptus trees

most annoying: SF Giants 2-7 start to the season, uugghh

most exciting: Atlanta Thrahsers first ever playoff game tonight

hottest music video: Madonna’s “VOGUE”

place I want to go: Lake Tahoe

biggest dream: finishing an IRONMAN

favorite article of clothing: big, fuzzy socks i got at xmas

last thing that made me blush a little: cute girl at coffeeshop talking to me

best part of my day: early AM, having coffee, being quiet

what i miss: big hugs from my closet friends

what i miss #2: water

what i am waiting for in the mail: hopefully an entry into PEACHTREE RD RACE

what i am saving for: BLOGGER TRIP TO CHI-TOWN. YIPPEE

what i’m craving: Almond Croissant

song in my head: ‘GREATEST LOVE OF ALL’ -by Whitney

“I decided long ago never to walk in anyone’s shadow. If i fail, If I succeed, at least I’ll live as I believe...”


CARE TO SHARE, FRIENDS???

Happiness from the week

happiness is: waking up at 4am to go to bathroom and realizing i have 2 more hours of sleep til i have to get up. yeah. i love sleep!

happiness is: waking up to see the SF Giants won their ballgame last night.

happiness is: having the day off for Good Friday

happiness is: making my very first batch of Guacamole!! Yummy

happiness is: going for a run in very cool temperatures after running in warm/humid conditions.

happiness is: watching The Masters on TV

happiness is: getting a good review @ work and an even better RAISE

happiness is: getting my running magazine in the mail

happiness is: time to linger with a good cup of coffee

happiness is: brining the receptionist at work a “treat” when least expected

happiness is: having enough $ to pay for large, unexpected expenses without accruing debt

happiness is: finding a great pair of trousers for work, on sale

happiness is: finding self at weeks end and realizing i stuck to my budgeting plan

happiness is: a great nights sleep

Feel free to share your “happy” moments from the week or...whenever..

Cheers!

some sun and rain......

what a week! last sunday, i finished my 5th marathon and the days that followed were filled many aches and pains, attention and just a weird week. The marathon was the toughest one i have ever done. if you want to read why, see oneingatl.blogspot.com.

my body was limited to a slow shuffle at work on monday; my thighs torn up from the many hills we had to climb...each time i rose from my desk, i felt like i had 100 lb weights on my quads. It was not a sweet pain wherein, the past it had been. Because I was disappointed by the effort I was able to put forth and my ultimate finish, the pain seemed every worse. After every other marathon, i have beenleft with sweet pain that is satisfying and gratifying. not this time. i am not saying i am not proud to have been out there, i’m just also disappointed. i can be both. right?

thank goodness for my pal, AJ, at work. she is my confidante, buddy, one to joke and tease with and even, a little gossip here and there. and this week, i realized how important it was to be able to have someone with WHINE to. Thanks, AJ. She put up with my whining about my body all week. I am not one who easily whines, but i suppose due to how our friendship has developed, i felt very comfortablle whining away to her. By Friday, I think she may have been over it though. :)

Mid week brought some trickles of disconcerting news...none of which had anything to do with me, but somehow seeped into my psychic space or something like that...the first was that there was a news report out that at a nearby highway overpass, a woman had jumped. suicide. i pass the same spot each week. it’s always disconcerting to hear of a jumper...especially a jumper who chooses to jump and land on concrete. how much pain must one be in to make that choice?! A s someone from SF, i am quite familiar with hearing of jumpers of the beloved golden gate....but it wasn’t until last year that i heard of folks jumping from overpasses onto the highways. wow. makes my insides squirm.

same day, got a call from a friend who mentioned her friend’s husband was talking of suicide and had to be hospitalized.

next morning at work, i come in and greet AJ. Usually she is so bubbly and very talkative....not so that morning. with watery eyes, she told me that her ex-boyfriends(who she remains close too) daughter was sentenced to 10 years in jail. (about 2 years ago, she had been drinking, went wrong way on the highway and got into an accident, killing 2 young men)
Of course, the whole thing is tragic. tragic for her who had rarely been a drinker, who was a local successful college athete,who came from a white-collar family, who had a family of her own.

tragic for the lives lost. 2 young lives. my friend, AJ, feels for her friend and his fear and what he goes through as a father watching his daughter face the consequences of her actions.

Vehicular Involuntary manslaughtger is tough. As a person who lost my mother this way, i know it all too well. Back in 1983, this was not punished very much, as we learned the man who caused the accident was left to go free and unpunished from his actions. Where was justice? As a child, i had been so angry. Why did he get to be free when someone had died and others, nearly dead? It wasn’t until years later when i understood that he would have to live with his actions for all days. Could anything be worse?

I honestly don’t know what the penalty should be for this crime. You don’t mean to kill someone, buy you do. All I believe is that our justice system is far from justice...far....

Yesterday, clients came in to the office. A woman and her son. Her husband, his father, recently passed away very suddenly. He was my client & they came in to deal with some of his affairs. He had been a heathly 70 - something year old. Went out for his usual jog and when he stopped and cooled down, he collapsed. Cause of death was not determined. He was and they are a family of tremendous faith. Sitting and sharing and listening with them was solemn and very sacred. Their grief alive and yet so was their faith in their god. The gentleman had been in the marines much earliier in his life and so part of his funeral was military. The marines gave a 21 gun salute.The son said, “when i looked around at that point, i was so proud to be his son.” his words quiet and clear. I was lucky to be a witness.

Interspersed with all this was having to intereact with people in a much more cheerful way than i was up to...but you just do it..
And then, of course, there were much lighter moments....AJ teasing me about my aches and pains and saying, “ok. i was sympathetic on tuesday, but now, it’s friday, so...”

This seems to be an interesting post on the heels of the last one about bigness and smallness. On monday, it was easy for me to feel big because of the marathon achievement and all the folks in the office congratulating me and wasnting all the detaiils and such. it was nice, of course.

and then, little by little, i am reminded of my smallness. death has a funny way of doing that, doesn’t it?

Big and small

(written yesterday via blackberry)

Sitting outside on the big patio like area of the 19th floor. I have a
nearly 360 view of the city of atlanta. Its a beautiful sunny afternoon
and I am the only one up here, savoring my lunch salad and some quiet.
I come up here to get away and get some perspective. I come up here for
air and to see the beauty and the vastness around me. From way down
below, I hear many horns intermittenly blowing...I hear the roar of buses
and the slamming of car breaks. There are green trees everywhere and
interspersed are many homes and buidings, small and then bigger
skyscrapers. And even more being built as I type. From my view, I count 10
cranes...all within maybe 1-1/2 miles radius.
I am all one for being a confident, self-assured person. I'm all for
being a go-getter, and for celebrating one's success. I'm all for
supporting myself and others to be big.

I also like being reminded of my smallness. Coming up here reminds me
of just that....my smallness. Just now, a plane roared up above...a
plane full of people going somewhere. And invariably, as I sit up here and
enjoy my salad and space, someone is giving birth, someone is breathing
their final breath, someone is being buried, someone is committing
suicide, someone is sending flowers to their love, someone is crying,
someone is laughing, someone is trying our for a part, someone is locked in
prison, someone is swimming, someone is screaming, someone is making a
bomb, someone is finding a cure, someone is getting starbucks in brazil,
someone is buying loads and loads of weapons, someone is getting high,
someone is getting off, someone is holding a child's tiny hand, someone
is wheeling someone around in a wheelchair, someone is....

There is so much happening all the time everyday. Everything is
important and nothing is important.
It's great to be big.
And it's great to remember how small I am.

tid-bit

hot hostess in a lovely spring dress opens the door for me as i come in. recognizes me. calls me sweetie. opens the door for me as i leave. calls me sweetie again. damn. hot hostess.

does service get any better?

Thursday

today, i did one thing that i never do. well, two things really. one, i left work a whole hour early. the second thing was the bigger thing: i came home and took a bath!
last night after my massage, my masseuse recommended that i take baths with bath salts....for my aching calf muscles. she is not the first person to tell me this, but for some reason, she was the one who actually got me to take the advice. so, on the way home early from work, i stopped in and bought some bath salts specifically for healing muscle aches. after doing some cleaning, laundry, etc..i started the bath. mind you, i am not a big fan of baths. maybe because i don’t have a tub like Trinity, but still....i have just never really been a bath kind of girl. also, my bathtub is not one that is real motivating to go soak in. it’s old --- my dwelling, while very cozy and comforting, is old and the bathtub is just not something i fantasize about ---know what i mean? Well, i put the bath salts in and soaked and it was quiet and it smelled good...eucalyptus with somethin’ else. not only was it great to soak, it was wonderful to just be still and quiet. ...
i have not felt “right” for about the past 7 days and i can’t quite figure it out. and then today, i was just downright cranky and grumpy. my body has not felt right and that is hard for me to accept and have patience with. i had a little of the sinus thing that has been everywhere and my body has been sore and slow and my running hasbeen much less that i would like. i feel pretty in tune to my body so when there are times when i don’t feel right, it affects me quite a bit.
and then of course, it can’t all be physical. there are other things going on in my mind that have been taking space. in some ways, i feel like i just need a break. i feel maybe a bit burnt out on my life as it is...the job, the living space, the neighborhood, the city, the things that make up my days....i wish i could take a month off and just go somewhere else or a few places and then come back. maybe i just need more balance in my life? that could be it too. i’m just sort of rambling here....

A line comes to me from “The Great Gatsby” (one of the best books ever written, in my opinion)

“There are on the pursued, the pursuing, the busy & the tired”

whenever i feel this way and share about it, i tend to feel guity...as though i may come across as not being grateful and appreciative of my life. is that strange? i do feel grateful and very appreciative of my life and actually, my life is good. what is strange is that i do spend quite a bit of time alone, but lately i feel as though that time has not been high in quality. that, i know i can change. and will.

this has been a kinda weird post, for me. it’s more of a true journal entry.

thanks for listening.

what's in your salad?

though i don’t eat nearly enough of them, i love salads. and one of the coolest things, i find, is to notice and watch what others put into their salads. I mean, people who are my friends, people i care about. Not just any random person. I like seeing how they create their salad at the salad bar. In my opinion, Whole Foods has the best salad bar ever created. And here is what I put in mine pretty much all the time:

spinach
fancy lettuce sans radicchio
corn**
a few cherry tomatoes
broccoli
carrots
pulled chicken
feta cheese

dressing: some mediterrean vinagrette.

YUMMY!

what’s in yours?

**i LOVE corn on my salad!

an important lesson about eating out

the other night, i had an appointment. just before i went in to appointment, i was going back and forth in my head trying to decide whether to go out to eat afterwards or come home and cook.

i decided to go out to a place where i really like their fish-n-chips. and they have good beer which i was in the mood for as well.

so,i get to the place and sit at the comfortable wooden bar, order my beer and look at the menu even though i already know what i want....

as i peruse the items, i see they have some pastas that sound good and healthy ...and of course with all the running, i need carbs....so, instead of the more greasy/fattening fish-n-chips, i order what i think will be a decent plate of bowtie pasta with some kind of tomato sauce.

i began eating it and let me tell you, it was such a major disappointment! it was almost tasteless. i was sooo bummed.

bummed beacause i was looking forward to eating out....

as i sat there, eating my less than mediocre pasta, i thought to myself, "lesson: go for the freakin' grease. get what you want."

...now i know why i often order the same things when i go to the same restaurants over and over. it's not that i am oppossed to trying new things; i just like what i like and when you looks forward to it, a mediocre or bad meal just sucks.

a bit about your hostess

i don’t own a digital camera

i have approximately 15 pairs of tennis shoes

i don’t understand the need to climb mt everest and such places

i have no tattooes and would never get any

i’ve never had a manicure or pedicure

i stole a bottle of peach schnapps when i was 17, got drunk with 2 boys who were my best friends and fell into the San Leandro Marina.

i’m a pro at Galaga, Pac-Man, Centipede, and Pinball games

i would be afraid to go scuba diving

i wanted and possible secretly still do want to be either an FBI agent, CIA agent or Detective

i love going to a nice spa for massage

i miss the water (landlocked over here in GA)

sometimes, i think i want to move to a 3rd world country

i LOVE rollercoasters, water balloon tosses, & pillow fights

i did very poorly on SAT

friends snorted cocaine in front of me in high school while i declined

i often feel like i don’t belong anywhere

i’m afraid to die

i want to be crermated

i aim to be grateful everyday for all i am and all i have

I can do a headstand, cartwheel and roundoff

i’m not a very good swimmer

i am mostly bored by shopping of any kind, except probably running shoes!

i often flirt with waitresses

i’m moody

right now my life mainly consists of working, running & reading

i love a good cosmopolitan

i love big, clean bathrooms
i love candles but can only seem to purchase 2 at a time

i don’t enjoy walking

my dream is to design my own house

i’ve dated someone who was once a stripper

i’ve had yucky coffee in Abilene, TX

i believe in a higher power/spiritual guidance

i loved going to church as a child, mostly because of the gathering aspect

i loved a boy, once

i don’t like it when people talk because they are uncomfortable with silence

i think i was a monk in a past life

i don’t know what to believe about this life -- afterwards

i don’t know how to drive a stickshift

i love to stand up, put my head back, extend my arms and TWIRL...


Cheers!

little thrill #2

when a woman has hair just long enough to put up, thereby exposing her beautiful long neck.

ahhh. so damn enticing.

wanna play?

ok. i'm gonna start writing a story and then at some point, i will stop and i hope the next visitor/blogger will pick it up and carry story on. either post it in the comments or carry it to your blog. i hope you will join me. i think it will be neat to see where the story goes...and what creative minds we have out there....say as much or as little as you want.



>>They sat at the small table in the crowded restaurant. Even at 9:30pm, the place was still fairly packed, although not too noisy. A near empty second bottle of Girard Petite Syrah stood on the table, next to the nearly fading, white, non-scented candle. She swirled the last bit of wine in her riedel glass. The delicate flame from the candle was illuminating what last little bit of red she had left. She looked across the table and said, "i've got to go to the restroom, i'll be right back."

She walked toward the back of the restuarant, passing the hostess who looked like she had just arrived. Her make-up looked fresh, not one strand of hair was out of place. How can that be, she mused to herself as she walked by. She sighed and made her way into the ladies room. It seemed empty and she was thankful. She went over to the sink with the golden colored faucet. The warm water felt soothing on her hands. She turned off the faucet, grabbed the white cloth from the brown wicker basket and dried her hands.
She looked up and started to slow her drying as she saw herself in the mirror.



(i hope u will pick it up from here....)

it's the little things that thrill

i absolutely love watching a beautiful woman put make-up on. sexy, sensual, hot.

(i am not even in to make-up. it's the ACT...)

mini-mini rant

can i just say that I really don't like doing that 'word verification' thing that some of ya'll have on your site. i always get tit wrong the first time. geez, are my eyes THAT bad.

Information: Part I

As I have mentioned before, I do not know my father. All I know is his first and last name. As is typical in my situation, I vacillate between wanting to try to find him and then not wanting to find him. Of course those usual questions arise such as: what will he look like? what will he be like? what will he do? will he turn away? is he a psycho-killer? is he a junkie? is he rich? will he want money from me?? Would he be someone I would want to spend time with? Does he have other children?

And then, of course, i sometimes think “well, why hasn’t he tried to find me?”
Maybe he has.

Maybe be has been unsuccessful since i do not bear his last name. The way the story was told to me by my grandmother was that he and my mother had a parting of the ways after she caught him in bed with another woman. And in spite, my mother gave me my brothers’ father’s last name. Now, listen. I’m not saying that is actually what happened. This is the story i was told by grandma who had a propensity to tell stories, and which i frequently questioned. However, knowing how much pride my mother had, I would not put it past her to do such a thing. Back then, i never had a choice as to what name i wanted. But, i am actually glad she have me the name i have. it’s much more interesting and always proves difficult for people to pronounce and misspell. And people always think i’m Italian, which i am not. Lots of questions always go through my mind: How am I like him? What physical characteristics do we share? Did I get my althletic ability from him? Would he like me? Would he be proud of me?

Dad. Pop. Daddy. Father. Papa

What would it have been like to grow up with a father? How might my life have been different? Better? Different. I cannot help but wonder how the lack of such a figure in my life has helped shape who i am. I think back to how there was a heavy concentration of men surrounding my early years, and yet not a single one of them was anything close to a father figure. Not a single one of them had qualities i would desire in a father. The men surrounding my life were criminals, drug addicts, thieves, gang members, jobless, and ambition-less. I surely did not look up to the uncle who frequently tried to stick his tongue down my throat or the one who was jobless, still lived with his mother, watched TV all day and sucked down beer after beer all night. I also did not look up to my cousins who were in gangs, hurting people, maybe even killing people, knocking up girls and using drugs. I looked in their eyes, stood in their presence and saw nothing to be proud of, nothing to look up to, nothing to admire, nothing i wanted to be near. Who did i look up to? Who did i admire?

Reflections

Yesterday, I was caught in a moment that left me feeling a bit teary and I did not know why. Here is what happened. As per usual, I stopped in at Starbucks in the early evening. I was in my own little world, having finished work and in a bit of a daze. It wasn't until the little young girl spoke that I came out of my daze. She says to the barista, "Can I have THAT chocolate chip cookie?" I looked at THAT cookie and saw the size of it. It was huge. I thought of saying to the girl, "wow, that cookie is almost as big as you are." But, I didn't. She was with an older, taller girl (but still young) who looked like she was her sister. Then, little girl asks the barista, "how much are your IZZE drinks?
Barista reply, "I don’t know. I have to scan it" Little girl walks over to the drinks and asks, which one is the cheapest.
Barista reply, "they are all the same." Little girl picks out the one she wanted and barista rung up her items.
As little girl unfolded the waded up dollars in her hand, she heard the total and said, "oh, I don’t have enough. I will have to put the drink back."

In a total spontaneous moment, I said, "oh, I'll get it." The little girl looked at me and was going to hand me the drink as though she thought I was going to buy it for myself. I said, "no, I'll get it for you." It was a little jumbled. She looked confused, the barista looked confused, the other girl looked confused. After payment was made and everything settled, older girl says to me in her wide, brace-laden smile, "that was very nice. Thank you."
Then to her sister (?) "did you say thank you?" Little girl thanks me and they move on. I then ordered a tall half regualr, half decaf coffee and as I do so, I realize I feel such tenderness. My eyes water. The Barista fella just smiles at me.

Why did this moment touch me so? As the evening went on and I went about my business, it came to me when I wasn't even thinking of it…I knew why…

Because as so many things have been on my mind lately, one of those things is family and connection and the absense of blood-related family. I am struck by the not new realization that this is it for me. No kids. Nothing of me will go on. No trait or characteristic solely belonging to me will be passed to anyone else. Of course, I made a decision long ago that I never wanted to bear a child. I have never wanted the experience of being pregnant. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of adopting a child. Well, unless I come into some windfall of money, that will not happen either. Perhaps because of my age, 36, I am realizing some of the lost opportunities. I do not regret my choice to not want to give birth, but this does not mean that I don't feel loss of that opportunity to care for and teach and nuture and love a little human being as they make their way into this world.
I know there are plenty of other ways to be involved in a childs life, but its not the same. And there are other things involved too. I have never known my father and my mother is deceased and I was THEIR only offspring. So, truly, I am it. Something about that stoppage is sad to me.
I envy people who have long lineages. People who truly can talk about their family tree, their history. It's neat and valuable, in my opinion.

With every choice, we are making a decision that will involve loss and gain. Sometimes, I don’t think we realize what we lose, yet it seems we see the gains so soon. In a perfect world, I would have had the money and the stability both inner and outer, to adopt a child when I was a it younger. Of course, there would be no physical charateristics, but I would have had an opportunity to be a part of a life in a very unique way.

This is all sort of coming from who knows where…thanks for listening.

Machete me in two, my love
For like the thin blade
I make myself thin and
Stradle the tightrope
Caught between the worlds of
Leaving & Staying
Pressing or Abandoning
Taking Care &
Caring for

Let the tip of the blade
Poke just underneath my chin
As the chill it would surely cause
Is the same as i sit here now
With my vodka glass, worn eyes
And a shakily written letter to you,
My love,
Crease and tear me down the middle
Leave the edges jagged
For surely,
That is how I will be
Jagged, rugged,
Bent, even
From the time of cowardice
That yanked, shook and shaped me
Into a person who could not jump
But only be pushed.

uurrrr

I seldom vent on this blog, but this is a vent today directed at the coffee shop employees, customers in the deli line and in the grocery line.

1)Don’t stand and talk to your co-workers about personal things while customers are waiting. They should be your first priority. It is especially rude if you make eye contact with customer, and CONTINUE to chat away with co-worker!

2)Don't stand there and chit-chat with customers about their hair, their dog, the weather or your boyfriend while other customers are waiting. (it's wonderful that you are being friendly, but while you are being oh so nice to customer A, customer B, C, D, E etc.. Are getting angry


3)Don’t be on the phone while you are trying to order from the DELI

4)Don't get all the way up to the DELI person asking for your order and THEN decide what you want

5)Don't wait until your large grocery bill has been tallied before you decide to THEN open your purse and dig around for your check

untitled

His gangily wobbly head rested on my shoulder
His eyelids were closed, intermittenly fluttering
Beneath the robe was his body, a body i had laid next to for 34 years
I knew every crevice, every man made and non man made mark
I knew which parts worked well
Which ones didn’t
I knew his body as well as my own
Yet, I am not the owner
I am not the inhabitor
So although I, too, have a long history with this body
I know not what it feels,
i don’t know the violent spasms and convulsions
I don’t know the painful, relentless bouts of vomitting or
The panic driven breakdowns that make him flail about in a daze
Hurting himself
Sometimes,
Hurting me

Touching his forehead with my fingers
i am taken back to a time
when this head was between my legs, silently moving to give me sweet pleasure
To a time when this head poked through my 3rd floor apartment, bringing me chinese food when i couldn’t step away myself
I am lost in the memories when this man fought for me to return to him
That bitter fight on the corner that changed my life
Begging me to stay, to give us another chance
And such is our history,
34 years later,
and
what i know is
this head on my shoulder
The eyelids fluttering
The soft, quiet breath of his mouth
So close to mine lets me know his life

And, on this quiet rainy night
As the teardrops slide down my cheeks,
I am begging him to stay

Just Something

This blogging thing is interesting, isn’t it. I mean, now, there are a clan of folks who frequent each other's blogs and have been for a while. We begin to have a small window into each others lives. Some share more openly than others and everyone is unique in their own way. We all seem to have these "personalities" via the blogging sites and it certainly makes me curious as to how close to real life these personalities actually are. It's strange…all we have are our posts and comments which, of course, we make and then those are completely open to interpretation by the reader. It's just interesting…I am simply making obvservations about the whole thing. I'm struck by how, like in real physical life, there are blogs I am drawn to and those I am not and I cannot really say why. Just like people…sometimes you meet someone and you connect and sometimes not and you can't really put a finger on a reason why. I think the neat part is that as we have grown to learn more about one another, there is a caring element. When someone is having a shitty day, the comments seem very sincere. And when someone has a happy report, we all cheer. It's neat. It feels real.

At my desk

As I was at my desk today, I had a 1/2 eaten powerbar sitting on my desk.
This collegue of mine walked past my desk and just picked up my half-eaten still wrapped powerbar and was reading the contents.
It cracks me up. Now that I have gotten to know him, this does not bother me. I can totally see where it would bother most people…his lack of boundaries…but he is such a goof, a 50+ year old cool goof, that I just have to laugh.

questions for the great void

This week, I have had to navigate some murky waters where my ego and pride are concerned. It has not been pretty, easy or fun. It has been humbling, ugly and startling. It has also been beneficial.
All the while, I have been mulling over some questions…

How does one show confidence, but not cockiness?
How does one show ambition but not plow people over?
How does one show assertiveness, but not bitchiness?
How is one serious/focused, but not aloof?

And are these answers different for men and women?

gobble, gobble..

UH-OH

I just figured out how to play this at work. YIKES.

One of my favorite games!!



And you know what? I'll take any of you on!! :)

Scandalous

An incredibly well acted film. How awesome it was to see these ladies in action. Hope you will make some time for a good flick. Grab some corn and take a seat in your neaby theater.

How refreshing to see some good films of late.. This one and THE QUEEN. Another incredible acting performance by Helen Mirren.

VENT

I know I have griped about this before, but

IT REALLY FREAKING BOTHERS ME WHEN PEOPLE DON’T FREAKING LISTEN.
AUUUUUGHHHHHHH.

This is truly probably one of the biggest things that annoys the hell out of me.

Sorry, just had to vent.


uuuuughghghghgghhgh

Beans

When I was an elementary school kid, I recall a project we had to do. A CREATIVE project, which at the time scared the crap out of me. (today, still makes me very anxious as I have never beem creative in the traditional way) Anyway, I must have been about 7 years old and we were to make something using a piece of cardboard and colored beans. We could make anyhing we wanted. Well, it comes as not surprise to me now, but the thing I created out of my colored beans was simply the word, BEST…big enough to cover the cardboard piece that was approximately 8x10.
I loved it. I wish I still had it, but I have no idea what happened to it…must have gotten lost during one of my 35 moves! HA!

Well, I want to say that while I am sure I cannot specifically tell you why I chose that particular word the, my guess is that I wanted to be the BEST. I wanted to excel. I wanted to stand out. I wanted to shine. And I still do. But here is the thing. I have never wanted to do this with the mindset that I was going to beat everyone else. Wanting to be the best a has never been about being better than anyone else, but being the BEST that I can be…the best AFUNTANILLA. I have a determination that eats away at me…that bothers me and pushes me. Some folks may think I need to relax, but you know what…that is not what my life is about….relaxing. My life is about searching and trying to be better…a better person. A better friend, co-worker, employee, athlete, etc… My life is about searching because I never want to settle. I never want to be complacent or accept something from myself that is less than I am capable of. I think I have a healthy ego, but my desire comes from a humble place. And my hope is that if I can improve upon myself and be the best AFUNTANILLA I can be, then I will have much to offer you. YOU. Whoever YOU are.

Damn, I really wish I had my little piece of art.

HELP

So, I get to work this morning..and there is a round tin on my desk with a card. I'm thinking to myself, "who left me a gift? That is strange…" I open the card and see who it is from and I say, "oh NO".

Begrudgingly, I open the tin and look inside for what I already know is there….A BIG TIN OF COOKIES.
If you don't know why this is a problem, see my sidebar January resolution. AAAUGGGGHHHH!

I completely forgot that during the holiday I had asked a co-workers mom to make these cookies for me becaause they are some of the best I have ever tasted…an oatmeal with chocolate chips. So freaking yummy. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?


***update** ok. i had 1 because a sweet woman made them especially for me. I am gonna freeze all the rest and save til February. thx for all the input! :)

Rolling Up My Sleeves...

In 2006, I ran 5 road races. 4 5k's and one out of state Half-Marathon. I purchased approximately 5 pairs of running shoes. I almost ran my 5th marathon, but quit mid-training. I traveled to 2 places I'd never been; Charlotte, NC., & Asheville, NC. I saw an NFL game in Charlotte. I lounged, ran and ate in Asheville where I discovered a great restaurant called Limones. While there on a trail run, I also lost my car key, was locked out in the middle of no where and met a guy with a kind soul who helped this stranded one. I flew to San Francisco and Las Vegas to be with old friends. I joined a group for about 3 months and found new friends. I read more books than I ever have in my life and although I don't think my vocabulary has improved, I am better now at crossword puzzles. I gave flowers. I received flowers. I found a great pal at work. I lost a person who was an inspriation to me only after being in my life for 5 months. He was the first person to come along in like forever who had inspired me. He used to work in my office and now is elsewhere. I took risks in love. I took risks at work. I think I have quit being so full of anger and grief for all I have lost. I saw lots of mediocre and crappy movies like The Break-up, The Lake House, & Inside Man. I saw a few good ones like Bobby, United 93, & Little Miss Sunshine. I poured oodles of money into Stabucks and Peets Coffee. I was gone for awhile and then I came back and you know what, It's nice to see me again!!
Oh, AND…I found neat, neat folks via a place called blogger.com :)

As we head into the new year, I hope to create one of more risk, more adventure & more fun.

For 2007, these are my 3 BIG GOALS

Run a 50 mile race
Ride a 100 mile bike race or ride solo
Take a vacation to Seattle, Vancouver or outside North America

For the Month Of January (Every month, I plan to give up something new)

Give up cookies and candy.

I would love to hear yuor stories and plans!! Cheers

Go Figure

Ok. I have no problem giving money away to a stranger(see previous post) but i get seriously irritated when my change is "stolen" by the freaking vending machines, post office machines, and more recently, the freaking newspaper machines. Very, very irritating. Kinda a funny thing about me. Fifty cents and i'm pissed!! LOL

Santa Shows Up

A couple of weeks ago, I went into a local burrito place after my gym workout. I got in line, ordered my usual burrito and moved on down toward the cashier. As i did so, i noticed there was some playful banter going on behind the counter. I heard the cashier say to another young woman, “you’re just being nice cause you think santa is gonna come visit you”
Other woman says, “shoot, there ain’t no santa.”

This really caught my attention. I looked up and said, “what, you don’t believe in santa.?”
She was caught. She looked up at me and just grinned and shook her head no. “wow. Ah, man, you Gotta believe in Santa” I said.

I paid for my burrito and left.

Of course, this was just a good-natured ribbing/teasing going on. The young woman was african-american with a sweet smile, and couldn’t have been more then 24. I left and kept thinking about her and that i wanted to do something for her before christmas.

Fast forward to this past week. A few days ago I went into the burrito place and talked to the same cashier who had waited on me before. I asked, “do you remember the girl who said she didn’t believe in santa claus?” “Yeah, it was Janet.”

“Is Janet here tonight?”

“No, she’ll be here on Friday.” The woman smiled at me like she knew i was up to something.

Fast forward to yesterday, Friday December 22.

Someone at work had given me a very small palm sized tin with a gift card in it. I took the gift card out and replaced it with a $50 dollar bill and went down to the burrito place.

I saw that Janet was working and there were no customers in line. I went up to the counter and asked, “Are you Janet?”

Looking at me a bit suspiciously, she said quietly, “yeah..”

“Do you remember i came in a couple of weeks ago and you had said you didn’t believe in santa?”

She smiled and blushed a bit and tried to recall the conversation.

“yeah, i think so..did i say that? yeah, i guess i did.”

I looked at her, smiled, and put the tin case on the counter. Sliding it over to her, I said, “well, santa wants you to have this.”

She took the tin, opened it, saw the $50 bill and exclaimed, “oh my god, are you serious!!??!!”

“YEAH” I said

She was laughing, smiling and walked over to my side of the counter and gave me a great big hug. “merry christmas.” I said
We parted from the hug and i pointed to the tin and said, “i hope you can buy something for yourself”

“oh my god, thank you so much. thank you. thank you. thank you.”

Another big hug from Janet.

We wished each other another merry christmas and i left. Once i got outside and out of sight, i let my feelings out...my laughter, my smiles and i jumped up and down. i was so damn happy. i cannot even tell you. my words will never do the moment justice. the look on Janet, a stranger’s face, was so remarkable. She was utterly stunned by the gift, the gesture. She was thrilled. To watch the transformation of her face from the time i walked in until the time i departed was priceless. I was so happy to do this act..to give this gift.

Who knows what the money will be able to buy. Maybe a gift for a child she has? Maybe a gift for a parent? A boyfriend? Herself? I don’t know and it’s not my business to know. I’m just so freaking happy i thought to do this and that i had it to give. It was my pleasure.

And to me, this is what Christmas is about.....

Stocking Stuffer

What I would put in your stockings


Maggie: Hooters Hat, COOL running Shoes

Zoe: hook/bait; piggy bank for alaska

Trin: dance partner, gift card to A&F

Kelly: pre-paid BART card, Pema Chodron's "Start Where You Are"

R.D.: I tunes gift card, 6-pack

Claire: shoe rack, self-care kit with compassion for self

Sassy: memory card for all the pics u take, gift card to STAPLES

Theresa: someone to lock lips with

Storm: courage

Only daughter: lasagna, time

boxes

The assumptions we hold about one another put us in little boxes that limit who
we can be in each others eyes.

It is all too easy to put someone in a box. I think we do it all the time whether we know it or not. We put people in boxes...we probably even put our blog buddies in boxes. It's not right or wrong, it just is. Yet, as we do this, it is easy to KEEP someone in a box. We also put ourselves in boxes, don't we. We use words like, "can't", "not able" etc... We put ourselves in boxes too and it's tough sometimes to get out. My charge for today for anyone who reads this is to take a moment to see what box you have yourself in. What box do you have someone else in? Can you open the box? Could you be willing to see something else? It might be easy, it might not be. But, isn't it worth a go?

Sneaking in

We wanted to get away for the long weekend so we went to a favorite spot; a quaint little town in Marin County, California called MILL VALLEY. One of my absolute favorite spots in the United States. It’s tucked away about 20 minutes north of San Francisco, across the Golden Gate Bridge. To get into downtown, you drive on a windy, one-lane road. There are windy streets all through Mill Valley…streets that go up and up in elevation with trees all around. Wonderful and aromatic Eucalyptus trees fill the streets as one walks along. The downtown consists of just a few streets, more like a square. Most of the shops are independent quaint places that have things you might not find anywhere else. One of my favorite spots is actually a grocery store that also has an incredible wine shop and deli attached. We went in and roamed around and picked out food we would eater later on. Me, my usual, salami and swiss sandwich on a baguette, plain. Perfect. She ordered some other sandwich filled with dressings and such. We perused the wine selection and picked out a 1/2 bottle of chardonnay we would have later on, pre-dinner. The grocery store trip alone was a treat…it felt romantic, it felt special…because as we walked around separately, I would once in a while look up to see what she was looking at…what it was that caught her eye. I love doing that….looking at her when she doesn't know it. Noticing what her hands touch and what she reads…noticing the facial expressions she might make while looking over a particular something.
Anyways, we left the grocery with items in tow and headed up the main street and through the downtown area. Walking up the street and into the neighborhoods, I took a few deep breaths. I love the air here. It always feel fresher, cleaner….on the other side of the hills, lies the pacific ocean. We made our way through a little park and find the STEPS. The 100 or so stairs that mark the Dipsea Trail which is nestled between houses, basically. We climb and climb…noticing the houses along the way and make notes of liking this part or that part of a certain house. After about 1.5 miles up, we find a clearing and had our lunch. It was a clear late September Day and here in Northern California…a perfect temperature that would settle nicely lower as dusk came.
We walked and made the return trip back toward town and then drove to the cottage rental not to far away. We sat on the sofa overlooking the backyard gardnen…the last bit of sunlight sneaking is as we talked of the walk and what we saw…talked of downtown and places we wanted to go and check out…we opened that half bottle of wine, sipped and slowly got ready for our dinner date. She always takes a bit longer than me so I had more time to sit on the sofa and just be…relish in the moment of being in a favorite place with her..the one who makes my heart skip.
We made our way to the restaurant and sat near the open fireplace. She lets me look over the wine list because I know more about wine and she wants me to pick. {I love this, buy the way}. I look across at her and smile inside…she looks lovely sitting there across from me…the dim light shining so perfectly on her skin. The wine comes and we toast. We toast silently, smiling at one another. And I know. I know.

CoffeeHouse Mishap #2

If you have read my post titled http://trippedbyit.blogspot.com/2006/11/stuff.html, you would be familiar with the coffeehouse I have spoken of in the past. I had another mishap this morning. It was actually a bit of a dilemma on whether I would go there or not this morning as I was running late to work. But, I wanted to get something to eat and pick up a WSJ, so I made the stop. This place has the BEST muffins I have ever tasted, but today I passed on them. I ordered a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with cream cheese to go. I pay for it and then the very nice guy goes away and comes back again and says. "ok. It will be ready in just a few minutes."
(I then realize they must be toasting it which I did not want because I can do it at my office) So, I say: "oh, I don't need that toasted." nice guy says, "oh, I charged you to have it toasted. Sorry about that." Me, "oh, no..that's fine." Nice Guy. "oh, do you want the 40 cents back". "no, that's ok."
So, then I wait for him to give me the bag with the bagel and cream cheese which should have only taken a few seconds….but I wait….and wait and I am thinking why is it taking so long. My state of being is curious, not angry or impatient. I just wait and then I get my bag and realize they PUT THE CREAM CHEESE ON THE UNTOASTED BAGEL. Boy, here's to either me being not specific or me being misunderstood or there is just something going on over at that coffeehouse.

Ahhh........

I love this picture. Simple, Elegant, Beautiful.......




It must be a ladies day in blogland..........

random things..

I collect stamps. I buy new books or sheets and always keep at least one stamp from the pack. The other night I broke out in singing "America the Beautiful" and "The Star Spangled Banner" in my bedroom. It made me realize my (secret) dream would be to sing one of these songs at a major league baseball game. I just love that…the filled stadium on a beautiful warm spring weekend afternoon…all the colors of the crowd. I love those moments and I hate if I go to the game with someone and they make us late and I miss the national anthem. So, yes…I wish I could sing and sing well enough to do such a event, but my voice would have scrambling headed for the exits….so, I keep it in the confines of my house or vehicle….i make coffee alomost every morning at home and then take it to work. But, I don't have a "to-go" mug or container so I just take it in my coffee mug. Yes, it makes it more prone to spills and always by the time I get to work, coffee is cold. I don't know why I just don’t go buy a "to-go" container….i am fine with spending money in casinos, but it takes SO MUCH EFFORT for me to buy things like socks for work. I don’t nearly have enough and even some I have are total mismatch but I wear them anyway because they are same color….i probably have about 50 journals from my past writings... I don't really get people's fascination and adoration of diamonds. I am not attracted to diamonds at all. I've seen folks wedding rings and such and I think to myself "wow, I would NEVER wear that". I have one piece of jewelry that I wear…it is a plain gold signet ring, except I never put my initials on it. I thought it looked better empty. A good friend of mine gave it to me as I graduated from college and dedicated it to me on the inside of the ring. Very cool…. I ate quiche for the first time this past weekend and really liked it….before I started wearing glasses at about age 25, people used to always make comments on how long my eyelashes are….now, no one ever says that….are they not long anymore?

for Mercedes B.

Written 8/31/02

I saw you twice
these past 2 years

The former,
My early December 2000 surprise visit

Rising in the elevator,
I can hardly wait to surprise you
You, who said you’d probably never see me again,
Would be so glad, I thought

Watching TV
in your tiny cluttered apartment
You were expecting someone else --
A regualr, weekend visitor

Feeling the door unlocked, I enter
TV person’s voice filling the room
You, with your back to me, can’t even hear me walk in

Walking in and kneeling down in front of you
I see you are shocked, joyfully shaken
By my enexpected visit
Covering your face with both hands
You gasp and cry
...happy to see my face again

Moving ahead to early September 2001
Just a few weeks shy of my thirteeth birthday
Another visit back home
To see you - celebrate with you

Instead,
A premature phone call
That late night call one always dreads
(something has to be wrong)

On the other end, I know.
My sister’s voice
Quiet
Intermittenly shaking
“...grandma passed away”

Soon enough
I see you once again
My once eager steps now slower
more deliberate
Dreaded, even

You are lying down
Quietly forever asleep
In what I see will be your permanent bed

Not prepared to see you this way
so cold
so still
so “made up” - like a gypsy, as you would say

This scene, so unlike the last one
So devoid of the noise
the smiles
the laughter

This time,
i am the one surprised, shocked
covering my face with both hands
shivering, weeping
remembering the last time i saw you

one time...

>>It wasn’t ALL bad. Of course, it wasn’t. There were a few good memories. I recall such one during Christmas. Actually, some of my most pleasant and joyful memories are those of the biggest and most grand holiday of the year. And because of this simple fact, i might wonder why i, personally, don’t put more of an effort into Christmas...to make it special and memorable for myself. Well, anyway...
It must have been Christmas 1980. NIKE was very popular at that time (when hasn’t it been popular?) But back in 1980, there were true Waffle bottom shoes. They were the coolest. The neatest. And, the shoes that I HAD to have. Not only because I wanted to fit in with the rest of my 5th grade classmates, but because I wanted them badly and I rarely wanted anything, much less voiced the desire.
Considering we were what they call a “low income family”, I had little hope I would actually get the shoes. I knew it was one of the most expensive things and the possibility of me receiving them was slim. Oh, have i mentioned that at this time, I still believed in Santa Claus? I bought in to the whole story. It wasn’t until maybe the 6th grade where my belief was shattered by a boy by the name of Eric Landt. I felt stupid. So behind the times when everyone else seemed to know it was just a fairy tale. Everyone except me. Well, back to the Christmas at hand. As usual, on Christmas eve, us 4 kids pushed the boys 2 twin beds together and the 4 of us slept side by side in my brothers bedroom. It was one of the only traditions we ever had. We awoke in the darkness of a winter Christmas morning...all 4 of us scurrying to see what Santa had brought. Well, that year, I cannot remember what Santa brought, but i do remember opening a special gift mom had set aside for me....my red Nike waffle shoes. red with a white stripe. I was thrilled. I couldn’t believe she got them for me. I had no idea how she afforded it. I think this was about the time i began to believe in miracles and understood how much my mom loved me. We had nothing and yet, she gave me everything with that one gift. It wasn’t even about the shoes...but the fact that she knew i wanted those more than anything and made it happen. There was a miracle...on 465 W. Broadmoor Street.

Thursday Questions

Got this from

petal

with some editing...



Do you like your handwriting?

What is your favourite luncheon meat?

Would you bungee jump?

Do you keep a journal?

What is your favourite cereal?

Do you untie your shoes before you take them off?

Who do you miss the most?

If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

First thing you notice about someone you are attracted to?

Do you wear contacts?

Last thing you ate?

What is your least favourite thing about yourself?

What's on your mousepad?

Favourite sounds?

The furthest you've been from home?

What is your special talent?

For George...

Today, I am remembering someone who passed away a year ago on this date. His name was George Funtanilla. He was not my father, nor my step father; he is the father of my two older brothers. (My mom gave me his name..long story for another time)
Anyways…George was rarely in my life as a child. He and my mom had been married and had the two boys. Before I came along, they were divorced. His life was a hard one. He treated his body badly with drugs, alcohol and smoking for years and years. He spent some time in prison, in rehabilitation places and on the streets. I don't believe he ever had a steady job of any sort. He was truly on the periphery of my life and someone I held at arms length in my early years because, "he was not my dad."
I believe my mothers death had a big effect on him. Even though they had been divorced for many years, he still had such a crazy thing for her. Perhaps, she had been the love of his life. I'm not sure. They were crazy & wild together and were high school sweethearts.
So, the years passed and I grew up and he and I kept in touch every so often. He was ALWAYS sweet and kind to me. He had absolutely nothing and yet, he was one of the most carefree, loving, non-judgemental, and forgiving people I have ever known. He was silly, like a child. He made jokes and laughed like a little kid. It was such an endearing quality.
When his mother died in the late 1990's and his brothers picked him up off some bad streets of San Francisco, he cleaned up his act. He was drug and alcohol free from that time on. He moved up to an indian reservation in northern california where I talked to him more since we were closer in proximity. (before I moved to GA.) He loved living there with the sweat lodges, the simple people, and the cleaner air. When I graduated from college in 1999, he was in the crowd and I couldn't have been more happy to have him there. That day, he decided to quit smoking.
Then his body took a turn. For the next 5 years, his body just simply broke down. He had a hip replacement. He had by-pass surgery. He had trouble breathing and carried around an oxygen tank. He frequently had to be taken by ambulance or helicopter to the hospital. His organs were slowly shutting down, little by little, one by one. His liver was in bad shape; his lungs were in worse shape. And yet, all throughout, he never lost his ability to laugh, joke, smile, flirt with the nurses, charm everyone in sight or have a positive attitude. Over these years, he and I grew very close. We called each other and shared and mostly, I let him in, instead of keeping him at bay. He was not my father, but he was the only father I knew and he said things to me I always wanted to hear from a dad: "I'm so proud of you". "I love you" "I tell everyone about you and how proud I am of you". He had pictures of me in his house and he would always tell those who came over, "that's my daughter." For me, who is such a serious person, I could never be serious around him because he was such a goofball. What a wonderful thing. In my hallway, I have 2 pictures of he and I. We are sitting on the deck of a house with Lake Tahoe in the background. It is a clear and beautiful day and we are hugging and smiling. They are beautiful shots and I am so happy to have them. I looked at them this morning and smiled.
A year ago, his body just gave out. He died in his home as he sat in his lounge chair. His dog, Little Guy, was near.
I am not sad in this recollection. I feel warmth and I feel love.

Dad, you are in my heart.

Something I Like

You see, I want a lot.
Perhaps I want everything
The darkness that comes with
Every infinite fall
And the shivering blaze
Of every step up

So many live on and want nothing
And are raised to the rank of prince
By the slippery ease of
Their light judgements

But what you love to see are faces
That do work and feel thirst
You love most of all those who need you
As they need a crowbar or a hoe.
You have not grown old,
And it's not too late
To dive into your increasing depths
Where life calmly gives out
It's own secret


-Rainer Maria Rilke

>>>>>

I invite you to read my latest post on my other blog

roadtrailtrack

Friday

For those who don't know atlanta, many streets and sidewalks are in bad shape. Our sewage system has also been something in need of great repair. For the past few months, all thoughout my neighborhood, workers have been everywhere fixing the water line/pipes. Bobcats, Orane Cones, "NO PARKING BETWEEN HOURS 8AM-6PM" have been everywhere. One of the biggest benefits I have seen is the newly paved streets. The thick black tar is smooth like a new rug or a new blanket or something. Yesterday as I went for a run thru the 'hood, I ran up one of the newly paved streets and I swear, I just wanted to lay down in the middle of the street. It was so nice and there were no cars around. It seemed peaceful. I know that must sound bizarre, but that was my urge at the moment.

Last night watching Grey's Anatomy…I got choked up at the end. Am I the only one?

I feel cranky today. Irritable. I guess I don’t' really want to be at work right now. The rain has ceased and the sky is clearing and the temps are dropping. The wind is kicking up some and what sounds good to me is just walking around with a coat on and feeling the air. Maybe dipping in somewhere warm later on to get a hot cocoa. Anyone care to join me?

Peek-A-Boo

Here I am sitting in the Sportsbook area of WYNN Casino/Resort in Las Vegas last week. My 2 pals and I were watching Monday Night Football, drinking Cosmos, eating, & laughing.

I have somewhat of a goofy grin here…but I also think think the picture is very much me: I am wearing a fleece from the BIRMINGHAM HALF MARATHON (ran in Feb 06), watching football, and drinking a cosmo. Oh, the cosomopolitans were $14.50 each!! Can you beat that??

Something I thought I would share on this rainy day in Atlanta…

Cheers!

Stuff

The other day, I wandered down to a coffeeshop I go to when I want to use free wifi. When I am there, I always get the same thing…small capuccino. It comes in a small cup with a saucer. I mistakenly ordered a latte and after I paid, I said to the young, unfriendly girl…"sorry, I meant capuccino. Do I need to give you more money?" She said, "no, they are the same thing." I said, "oh, you mean they cost the same?" "No, they are the same" (me looking at her confused as all hell) Girl says, "latte and capuccino are the same drink"

I had to bite my tongue to correct her. I was too tired from my running and just wanted to sit down and zone out. Inside, I am thinking.."okay, whatever…where the hell did you come from". (I had not seen her before and I go there quite a bit so she is probably new)

I caught the other young woman who was actually making my drink before she started and said, "the latte is supposed to be a capuccino…and you could put it in a little cup with a saucer instead of that big mug? Thanks!"

Sometimes, you just gotta have it the way you want it. Especially at this particular coffeehouse which charges the most for coffee out of any place I have ever been in my life. Ever. But, the cashier…man…I just wanted to tell her what the freaking difference actually is between the two.


Last night, I went for a massge at a place I usually go to but at a different location. It was last minute cause my aching hamstrings could not wait any longer. So. I went in and the woman asks me what kind of pressure. Do I want deep tissue? Yes, I say…but I will tell you if it is too much pressure.
She says, "o.k., so just so you know…deep tissue is $15.00 extra." I wanted to just roll my eyes at her…in fact, I probably did roll my eyes. "okay" I said. (let me just say that NO ONE has EVER brought up a fee while I am standing in the massge room) It's a spa so the fees are already known and discussed beforehand, not with the massage therapist.

Anyways, the massage progressed and if that was a deep tissue that I got for $90, I was seriously RIPPED OFF. So, you know what…YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!!

I need a drink.... or a hug.... :)

pulling a rabbit out of a hat

1. what are you hungry for?

2. what are you hopeful about?

3. what or who made you smile recently?

4. what makes you giddy?

5. what are you regretting?

6. what are you looking forward to?

7. who did you give a hug to last?

8. what drives you crazy?

9. what are you generous with?

10. have you given your best today? do you know what that would look like?


Are you still HUNGRY? FOR WHAT??

a different color...

DECLARATION
(written 1/4/03)

I am leaving him

Today, at 4 o’clock,
I am leaving
I have packed my green suitcase
and I am leaving

I am lucky
I am not a battered wife,
A misfit mistress
Or a kept woman
I am not any of those things you might think
But, I am leaving
And I am leaving the deepest vacancy I can imagine

I am leaving the ice cold hands that touch me
And the hollow eyes that look past me
I am leaving the routine pleasantries
The choreographed gifts
The memorized replies
The tick---tock of a life that has strangled me

He is not a bad man
Not mean or cruel or sinister
He is simply
Indifferent

I am leaving for a warm hand,
A spontaneous smile
And eyes that will make me shiver from delight,
Anticipation

I am leaving
To laugh and love again
Today
At 4 o’clock

Curious Tripper

Would you be a maid in a mansion if you made 2x your current salary?

Would you be a garbage collector if you made 3x your current salary

Would you give your sibling a kidney if it meant they would live longer?

If your wealthy friend died and left you in charge of their estate and said you had to donate $500k to 2 charities, which charities would you choose?

If you were walking across a bridge and saw someone about to jump over/commit suicide, would you try to intervene and help?

If you were diagnosed with a terminal illness and death was immenint, would you want the medicines available or would you just want to do without?

Would you take a job you wanted that paid $300k/year if it meant you had to travel and rarely see friends/family

If you had the opportunity to work to rebuild new orleans (for a year) and you got paid your current salary, would you go? Yes, you would have to live there for a year. This is assuming you would be guaranteed to have your current job waiting for u?

Would you go work on an oil rig if you made 3x your current salary?

If your parents became completely unable to live on their own, would you take them in?

You Decide

Staples or Office Depot

Home Depot or Ace Hardware

I HOP or WaffleHouse

American Eagle or Abercrombie & Fitch

Stabrucks or ??? Some other coffee shop

Nike or Adidas

Target or Walmart

MAC or PC

Online of Offline shopper

Banana Republic or J Crew

Cats of Dogs

Fish or Hamsters

Best Buy or Circuit City

Coke or Pepsi

Petsmart of Petco

Krispy Kreme of Dunkin Donuts

can't think of a title...

trinity2

let me borrow season 1 on dvd of GREY'S ANATOMY, so after my grumpster mood during the day yesterday, it was great to sit down last night and watch some of the episodes. It was neat to see the past episodes and how the characters interacted then vs. now.....sometimes, i come into work and i feel "assualted" by the energy of those around me...loud, bustling, energy right when i walk in the door and sit at my desk. I am just not ready for that at 7:30-8:00am...days when i wish i had my own office and could shut the door....Temperatures recently dropped here in GA. after a nasty rainstorm all day yesterday. A high of 50 today....I realize this is warm to some of you northerners....Mandy mentioned something yesterday about ICE CREAM and i was thinkin', I sure do miss a good 'ole ICE CREAM PARLOUR. Long ago and far away, I used to go to one in my old hometown. Full of dark wood, leather booths and even a waitress to come take the order. I recall the extensive menu and the offerings huge when they plopped them down in front of me as I waited eagerly to put my spoon in the whipped cream. YUMMY! Those places don't even exist anymore....SIGH....On a brighter note, I will be leaving for the BRIGHT LIGHTS, LITTLE CITY (L.V.) in 4 days!! Yippee. I am gonna have great food, be with good friends, play, hope to have some luck and who knows... maybe even get lucky!

uhujksahnflsajd

My mood at work today:

where would you go?

Anchorage, Albuquerque, or Austin (anchorage)

Buenos Aires, Beijing, or Bangkok (buenos aires)

Cuba, Costa Rica, or Chile (chile)

Denver, Destin, or Dallas (destin)

Ethiopia, El Salvador, or Ecuador (ethiopia)

Fargo, Fairbanks, or Florence (florence)

Great Britain, Greenland, or Guatemala (guatemala)

Havana, Halki, or Haiti (halki)

Iceland, Italy, or Isle of Man (isle of man)

Jakarta, Johannesberg, or Juneau (johannesberg)

Kalamazoo, Kentucky, or Kansas City (K.C.)


Please don't answer "none". If you don't want to go to any, choose the one u would go to if you HAD to pick one.

Hope u play.

would you rather...

Who would you rather have margaritas and mexican food with? (my pick=sandra, cause she seems so fun and that she is so HOT doesn't hurt)

Matthew McConaughey
Sandra Bullock
Selma Hayek
Antonio Banderas


Who would you rather have coffee with? (my pick, B. Gates. because he has made such an impact in technology & the world. i'd love to talk to him about philanthropy)

Hillary Clinton
Barbara Streisand
Bill Gates
Steven Spielberg

Who would you most want to throw a pie at? (president...and I would be fine if someone threw a pie at me. I would crack up!)

Your ex
Pres Bush
Your neighbor
Your mom
Current partner

Who would you rather go shopping with? (a toss up between J. Anniston & Uma)

Jennifer Anniston
Jennifer Lopez
Ellen
Oprah
Uma Thurman

Who would you rather sit across from at a nice dinner? (Meryl in a heartbeat!)

Meryl Streep
Kate Blanchett
Susan Sarandon
Nicole Kidman

6:30am

Belligerent, almost
In my attempt to know you

You,
Who prove so elusive
With your comings and goings
You showings and your hidings

Its traumatic how you are so close
Yet, still so very far

And then
All of a sudden,
I see you
Your brightness,
Your soft, compelling eyes,
Your wide smile

And I know, again
That you
Are wondrous

Curious April (no, my name isn't april)

Have you ever been to a nude beach (YES)

Have you ever been nude on a beach (NO)

Can you speak a foreign language fluently? (spanish,sort of)

Do you believe in ghosts (yes)

Watermelon, Cantelope, or Strawberries? (strawberries)

Pumpkin, Pecan or Apple Pie (never APPLE, Pecan 1st, Pumpkin 2nd)

What is your favorite cocktail (cosmo w/ grey goose orange)

Would you want a surprise party for your birthday (YEP)

Name ONE (1) favorite article of clothing you own (old high school sweatshirt)

Did you own the game TWISTER & play as a child (yes..was pretty good)

Snipets

Wednesday I went to get my haircut at a quaint salon down the street from my house. I had only been there once before and because I couldn't remember who it was who cut my hair that first time, they assigned me to someone random. (which was fine with me) Random hairsytlist was very friendly and chatty. Let me say that when I engage in things like getting a haircut/massage etc...anything about personal/self care...I am not chatty. I like to close my eyes, enjoy the experience, and drift off... Anyways, before shampooing my hair, she asked me a few style/cut related questions. When she was washing my hair, she asked "what do you put in your hair?" "Aveda Confixor", I said. "What does the confixor do for you? What do you want it to do for you?" WOW. Great questions. I was so taken aback by the questions or the way she phrased them. No one has ever asked me about the Confixor before. Not friends, not hairstylists. Soon, we were back in the cutting chair and she proceeded to ask me more questions and by this time, I felt fine to talk and engage. Rather than asking me the usual small talk questions she asked me things like, "So, when you travel, where do you go?" "Where have you met the most interesting/coolest people?" For the first time in a while, I was challenged to actually think about my answer. I love these kind of open ended questions. In my workplace, people ask the same questions every day or every Monday and then Friday. "How was your weekend?" (MONDAY QUESTION) "What are you doing this weekend?" (FRIDAY QUESTION) I really don't even answer. I cannot even tell you the last time i asked these questions of people. It's not that i don't care, but there are other things i'd rather ask...things that actually have me be more engaged with the individual, rather than have me or them give a snyopsis of an event. Random hairstylist also said something else that made me take notice. "I have never been out West", she said "That is a place i'd like to go. I'm a little bit granola, myself." She added. What cracked me up about this was that the woman looked nothing like what i would call a GRANOLA GIRL! She had a nice matching outfit on, nice shoes and beautiful hair. I mean, I AM MORE granola than she is. Anyways, it was funny in a great way. She also mentioned she has lived here in Atlanta for 8 years and does find it difficult to meet friends who are not shallow. HALLELUJIAH! I thought. Someone else who actually thinks somewhat like I do.
What a freshing experiencing this was. Oh, and random hairdresser did a great job on my cut. I'll be sitting in her chair again.

MY RECENT RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS: this evening as i was headed north on GA 400 HWY, there is a toll booth. It is, I believe, the one and only toll road in GA. As i was getting ready to pay my 50 cents, I handed the toll booth girl and dollar adn said, "he doesn't know if yet, but i am also paying for the guy behind me." She smiled, "ok".


Last evening, I went to see a movie called LITTLE CHILDREN. If you want to see a non-hollywood film with great acting, a gripping story and a freaking hot sex scene with Kate Winslet, go see the film. You will get your money's worth. Great movie, I thought. Thought-provoking, and a lingering check with out morals, beliefs, prejudices.

Curious Annie

(no, my name isn't Annie!)

1. Can you flick a bottle cap (NO WAY)
2. Can you make a rock skip in a lake (NO)
3. Can you do a HEADstand (YES)
4. Can you do a cartwheel (Yes & pretty well i might add)
5. Can you do a one-arm pushup (almost)
6. Can you dive (no..not even close)
7. Can you whistle by using fingers at sides of your mouth (i wish)
8. Can you throw a frisbee (yes)
9. Can you do the butterfly swim stroke (sloppily)
10.Can you ride a skateboard (like an X-GAMER)