Thursday

today, i did one thing that i never do. well, two things really. one, i left work a whole hour early. the second thing was the bigger thing: i came home and took a bath!
last night after my massage, my masseuse recommended that i take baths with bath salts....for my aching calf muscles. she is not the first person to tell me this, but for some reason, she was the one who actually got me to take the advice. so, on the way home early from work, i stopped in and bought some bath salts specifically for healing muscle aches. after doing some cleaning, laundry, etc..i started the bath. mind you, i am not a big fan of baths. maybe because i don’t have a tub like Trinity, but still....i have just never really been a bath kind of girl. also, my bathtub is not one that is real motivating to go soak in. it’s old --- my dwelling, while very cozy and comforting, is old and the bathtub is just not something i fantasize about ---know what i mean? Well, i put the bath salts in and soaked and it was quiet and it smelled good...eucalyptus with somethin’ else. not only was it great to soak, it was wonderful to just be still and quiet. ...
i have not felt “right” for about the past 7 days and i can’t quite figure it out. and then today, i was just downright cranky and grumpy. my body has not felt right and that is hard for me to accept and have patience with. i had a little of the sinus thing that has been everywhere and my body has been sore and slow and my running hasbeen much less that i would like. i feel pretty in tune to my body so when there are times when i don’t feel right, it affects me quite a bit.
and then of course, it can’t all be physical. there are other things going on in my mind that have been taking space. in some ways, i feel like i just need a break. i feel maybe a bit burnt out on my life as it is...the job, the living space, the neighborhood, the city, the things that make up my days....i wish i could take a month off and just go somewhere else or a few places and then come back. maybe i just need more balance in my life? that could be it too. i’m just sort of rambling here....

A line comes to me from “The Great Gatsby” (one of the best books ever written, in my opinion)

“There are on the pursued, the pursuing, the busy & the tired”

whenever i feel this way and share about it, i tend to feel guity...as though i may come across as not being grateful and appreciative of my life. is that strange? i do feel grateful and very appreciative of my life and actually, my life is good. what is strange is that i do spend quite a bit of time alone, but lately i feel as though that time has not been high in quality. that, i know i can change. and will.

this has been a kinda weird post, for me. it’s more of a true journal entry.

thanks for listening.