had to blog about this...

it happened last weekend. i woke up saturday morning, in the little cabin rental, with a huge sold sore on my bottom lip. i have only gotten this maybe 2 times before, but never so bad or painful as this time.

so. before heading out for my trail run, i stopped into the Food Lion and bought a powerbar and looked for some ointment to put on this thing! i’m not too savvy with medicinal products, but i remember someone saying something about Neosporin.
So, i bought the neosporin. Nevertheless, it didn’t seem to work and so i just dealt with it. i guess you just have to wait these things out, i thought. the thing was pretty damn ugly for 48 hours, but by the time i got to work on monday, it didn’t look so bad. However, i just KNEW that some people would make comments about it, or just look at me funny.

So, of course, I walk in and talk to my buddy, AJ, and she says, “hey..Oh, YOU GOT A FEVER BLISTER”. As if i didn’t know. I don’t mind AJ saying anything cause she is my pal and even told me what medicine i SHOULD have bought.

As the day progressed, a few people i came into contact with simply said, “wow..what happened to your lip?” If i were quicker on my feet, i would have been able to say that i got into a fight or was kissing someone for too long or something really clever. BUT, I AM NOT QUICK ON MY FEET.

It just really cracks me up that people even ask the question: “wow, what happened to your lip?” I mean, they have no qualms about it. I would never ask someone that question. maybe a close friend, but not a co-worker.

Then, yesterday, i went across the street to the grocery store. Being that i go there about 4 times a week, i and the cashiers are familiar with each other. We don’t carry on conversations or anything, but we smile at each other and say hello. we know we recognize each other. When i went in at lunchtime yesterday, the cashier greeted me and then saw my cold sore and said, “oh, you have a cold sore” in her soft, somewhere accented voice. Her nametag reads FATITMA. She was sweet about it, like she was caring. However, this completely made me crack up laughing as I left the store. A virtual stranger making a comment about my damn cold sore. Up until then, I had no thought of blogging about it, but after Fatitma comment, i just had to.

People never seem to amaze!! What a hoot!!!

Water

water is amazing. it can heal. it can hurt. it can ruin things, destroy things. it can be calm and soothing and it can be raucous and treacherous. it can take a life. it can save a life. too much of it and it can devastate. too little of it and it can devastate. isn’t it interesting how even with water, we learn balance. it teaches balance. a surfer needs to balance just so on the water to do their thing; runners need to balance their water intake with their output. farmers NEED water for their crops, grape vines need water to grow in order to turn grapes into wine. Less and less water, and there is drought. more and more water and there are floods. both damaging, both potentially very detrimental from an physical and economic standpoint. so many things are interconnected, interdependent through water, alone.

Water seems such a huge part of my days, my existence. i am constantly going to the breakroom at the office to refill my water bottles. (and thus, constantly, going to the bathroom)
i am constantly aware of my need to go to the store to BUY water. BUY water. Amazing, isn’t it. Isn’t it in great abundance all around us, but we need to PURCHASE IT? And like so many other products, their is a range from unattractive packaging to very sexy packaging. Is it a Coke bottled water or a Pepsi bottled water? A FIJI or an Evian or the Starbucks EOS? Or the even sleeker, sexier, VOSS bottled water? Even the water bottlers/companies have figured how to package something and charge outrageous amounts. We pay more for water per gallon than we do for gas. much more. just consider that for a second.....

so many people get so angry and outraged at the price per gallon of gas; what about the price per gallon of WATER?

When did we even begin to buy bottled water? i recall the first time i really felt like i NEEDED to: in 1992, when i traveled in Thailand and Nepal.

Anyway, i crave water. I crave it on a hot day when i am out running and have none. I am appreciative to go into a starbucks, all sweaty and parched and ask for a cup of water. they offer the COLDEST water out of any place i know. and when you just ask for it, it’s free.

I crave it while living in a city completely landlocked, with any big body of water about 5-6 hours away.

However, here i sit on a saturday morning, lucky to be in the woods, in a cabin nestled between 2 little creeks. Water flows by as i write and i can hear it streaming over the rocks and on it’s way to wherever it goes. I am grateful for the sound, the scene.

...Hence, this post on H20. Drink and be merry!

Cheers!

Instantaneous Responses

hottest woman: halle berry

best drink: coffee, peets

most unlikeable person: Don Imus

best smell: carnation flowers

best smell i miss: Eucalyptus trees

most annoying: SF Giants 2-7 start to the season, uugghh

most exciting: Atlanta Thrahsers first ever playoff game tonight

hottest music video: Madonna’s “VOGUE”

place I want to go: Lake Tahoe

biggest dream: finishing an IRONMAN

favorite article of clothing: big, fuzzy socks i got at xmas

last thing that made me blush a little: cute girl at coffeeshop talking to me

best part of my day: early AM, having coffee, being quiet

what i miss: big hugs from my closet friends

what i miss #2: water

what i am waiting for in the mail: hopefully an entry into PEACHTREE RD RACE

what i am saving for: BLOGGER TRIP TO CHI-TOWN. YIPPEE

what i’m craving: Almond Croissant

song in my head: ‘GREATEST LOVE OF ALL’ -by Whitney

“I decided long ago never to walk in anyone’s shadow. If i fail, If I succeed, at least I’ll live as I believe...”


CARE TO SHARE, FRIENDS???

Happiness from the week

happiness is: waking up at 4am to go to bathroom and realizing i have 2 more hours of sleep til i have to get up. yeah. i love sleep!

happiness is: waking up to see the SF Giants won their ballgame last night.

happiness is: having the day off for Good Friday

happiness is: making my very first batch of Guacamole!! Yummy

happiness is: going for a run in very cool temperatures after running in warm/humid conditions.

happiness is: watching The Masters on TV

happiness is: getting a good review @ work and an even better RAISE

happiness is: getting my running magazine in the mail

happiness is: time to linger with a good cup of coffee

happiness is: brining the receptionist at work a “treat” when least expected

happiness is: having enough $ to pay for large, unexpected expenses without accruing debt

happiness is: finding a great pair of trousers for work, on sale

happiness is: finding self at weeks end and realizing i stuck to my budgeting plan

happiness is: a great nights sleep

Feel free to share your “happy” moments from the week or...whenever..

Cheers!

some sun and rain......

what a week! last sunday, i finished my 5th marathon and the days that followed were filled many aches and pains, attention and just a weird week. The marathon was the toughest one i have ever done. if you want to read why, see oneingatl.blogspot.com.

my body was limited to a slow shuffle at work on monday; my thighs torn up from the many hills we had to climb...each time i rose from my desk, i felt like i had 100 lb weights on my quads. It was not a sweet pain wherein, the past it had been. Because I was disappointed by the effort I was able to put forth and my ultimate finish, the pain seemed every worse. After every other marathon, i have beenleft with sweet pain that is satisfying and gratifying. not this time. i am not saying i am not proud to have been out there, i’m just also disappointed. i can be both. right?

thank goodness for my pal, AJ, at work. she is my confidante, buddy, one to joke and tease with and even, a little gossip here and there. and this week, i realized how important it was to be able to have someone with WHINE to. Thanks, AJ. She put up with my whining about my body all week. I am not one who easily whines, but i suppose due to how our friendship has developed, i felt very comfortablle whining away to her. By Friday, I think she may have been over it though. :)

Mid week brought some trickles of disconcerting news...none of which had anything to do with me, but somehow seeped into my psychic space or something like that...the first was that there was a news report out that at a nearby highway overpass, a woman had jumped. suicide. i pass the same spot each week. it’s always disconcerting to hear of a jumper...especially a jumper who chooses to jump and land on concrete. how much pain must one be in to make that choice?! A s someone from SF, i am quite familiar with hearing of jumpers of the beloved golden gate....but it wasn’t until last year that i heard of folks jumping from overpasses onto the highways. wow. makes my insides squirm.

same day, got a call from a friend who mentioned her friend’s husband was talking of suicide and had to be hospitalized.

next morning at work, i come in and greet AJ. Usually she is so bubbly and very talkative....not so that morning. with watery eyes, she told me that her ex-boyfriends(who she remains close too) daughter was sentenced to 10 years in jail. (about 2 years ago, she had been drinking, went wrong way on the highway and got into an accident, killing 2 young men)
Of course, the whole thing is tragic. tragic for her who had rarely been a drinker, who was a local successful college athete,who came from a white-collar family, who had a family of her own.

tragic for the lives lost. 2 young lives. my friend, AJ, feels for her friend and his fear and what he goes through as a father watching his daughter face the consequences of her actions.

Vehicular Involuntary manslaughtger is tough. As a person who lost my mother this way, i know it all too well. Back in 1983, this was not punished very much, as we learned the man who caused the accident was left to go free and unpunished from his actions. Where was justice? As a child, i had been so angry. Why did he get to be free when someone had died and others, nearly dead? It wasn’t until years later when i understood that he would have to live with his actions for all days. Could anything be worse?

I honestly don’t know what the penalty should be for this crime. You don’t mean to kill someone, buy you do. All I believe is that our justice system is far from justice...far....

Yesterday, clients came in to the office. A woman and her son. Her husband, his father, recently passed away very suddenly. He was my client & they came in to deal with some of his affairs. He had been a heathly 70 - something year old. Went out for his usual jog and when he stopped and cooled down, he collapsed. Cause of death was not determined. He was and they are a family of tremendous faith. Sitting and sharing and listening with them was solemn and very sacred. Their grief alive and yet so was their faith in their god. The gentleman had been in the marines much earliier in his life and so part of his funeral was military. The marines gave a 21 gun salute.The son said, “when i looked around at that point, i was so proud to be his son.” his words quiet and clear. I was lucky to be a witness.

Interspersed with all this was having to intereact with people in a much more cheerful way than i was up to...but you just do it..
And then, of course, there were much lighter moments....AJ teasing me about my aches and pains and saying, “ok. i was sympathetic on tuesday, but now, it’s friday, so...”

This seems to be an interesting post on the heels of the last one about bigness and smallness. On monday, it was easy for me to feel big because of the marathon achievement and all the folks in the office congratulating me and wasnting all the detaiils and such. it was nice, of course.

and then, little by little, i am reminded of my smallness. death has a funny way of doing that, doesn’t it?

Big and small

(written yesterday via blackberry)

Sitting outside on the big patio like area of the 19th floor. I have a
nearly 360 view of the city of atlanta. Its a beautiful sunny afternoon
and I am the only one up here, savoring my lunch salad and some quiet.
I come up here to get away and get some perspective. I come up here for
air and to see the beauty and the vastness around me. From way down
below, I hear many horns intermittenly blowing...I hear the roar of buses
and the slamming of car breaks. There are green trees everywhere and
interspersed are many homes and buidings, small and then bigger
skyscrapers. And even more being built as I type. From my view, I count 10
cranes...all within maybe 1-1/2 miles radius.
I am all one for being a confident, self-assured person. I'm all for
being a go-getter, and for celebrating one's success. I'm all for
supporting myself and others to be big.

I also like being reminded of my smallness. Coming up here reminds me
of just that....my smallness. Just now, a plane roared up above...a
plane full of people going somewhere. And invariably, as I sit up here and
enjoy my salad and space, someone is giving birth, someone is breathing
their final breath, someone is being buried, someone is committing
suicide, someone is sending flowers to their love, someone is crying,
someone is laughing, someone is trying our for a part, someone is locked in
prison, someone is swimming, someone is screaming, someone is making a
bomb, someone is finding a cure, someone is getting starbucks in brazil,
someone is buying loads and loads of weapons, someone is getting high,
someone is getting off, someone is holding a child's tiny hand, someone
is wheeling someone around in a wheelchair, someone is....

There is so much happening all the time everyday. Everything is
important and nothing is important.
It's great to be big.
And it's great to remember how small I am.

tid-bit

hot hostess in a lovely spring dress opens the door for me as i come in. recognizes me. calls me sweetie. opens the door for me as i leave. calls me sweetie again. damn. hot hostess.

does service get any better?

Thursday

today, i did one thing that i never do. well, two things really. one, i left work a whole hour early. the second thing was the bigger thing: i came home and took a bath!
last night after my massage, my masseuse recommended that i take baths with bath salts....for my aching calf muscles. she is not the first person to tell me this, but for some reason, she was the one who actually got me to take the advice. so, on the way home early from work, i stopped in and bought some bath salts specifically for healing muscle aches. after doing some cleaning, laundry, etc..i started the bath. mind you, i am not a big fan of baths. maybe because i don’t have a tub like Trinity, but still....i have just never really been a bath kind of girl. also, my bathtub is not one that is real motivating to go soak in. it’s old --- my dwelling, while very cozy and comforting, is old and the bathtub is just not something i fantasize about ---know what i mean? Well, i put the bath salts in and soaked and it was quiet and it smelled good...eucalyptus with somethin’ else. not only was it great to soak, it was wonderful to just be still and quiet. ...
i have not felt “right” for about the past 7 days and i can’t quite figure it out. and then today, i was just downright cranky and grumpy. my body has not felt right and that is hard for me to accept and have patience with. i had a little of the sinus thing that has been everywhere and my body has been sore and slow and my running hasbeen much less that i would like. i feel pretty in tune to my body so when there are times when i don’t feel right, it affects me quite a bit.
and then of course, it can’t all be physical. there are other things going on in my mind that have been taking space. in some ways, i feel like i just need a break. i feel maybe a bit burnt out on my life as it is...the job, the living space, the neighborhood, the city, the things that make up my days....i wish i could take a month off and just go somewhere else or a few places and then come back. maybe i just need more balance in my life? that could be it too. i’m just sort of rambling here....

A line comes to me from “The Great Gatsby” (one of the best books ever written, in my opinion)

“There are on the pursued, the pursuing, the busy & the tired”

whenever i feel this way and share about it, i tend to feel guity...as though i may come across as not being grateful and appreciative of my life. is that strange? i do feel grateful and very appreciative of my life and actually, my life is good. what is strange is that i do spend quite a bit of time alone, but lately i feel as though that time has not been high in quality. that, i know i can change. and will.

this has been a kinda weird post, for me. it’s more of a true journal entry.

thanks for listening.

what's in your salad?

though i don’t eat nearly enough of them, i love salads. and one of the coolest things, i find, is to notice and watch what others put into their salads. I mean, people who are my friends, people i care about. Not just any random person. I like seeing how they create their salad at the salad bar. In my opinion, Whole Foods has the best salad bar ever created. And here is what I put in mine pretty much all the time:

spinach
fancy lettuce sans radicchio
corn**
a few cherry tomatoes
broccoli
carrots
pulled chicken
feta cheese

dressing: some mediterrean vinagrette.

YUMMY!

what’s in yours?

**i LOVE corn on my salad!

an important lesson about eating out

the other night, i had an appointment. just before i went in to appointment, i was going back and forth in my head trying to decide whether to go out to eat afterwards or come home and cook.

i decided to go out to a place where i really like their fish-n-chips. and they have good beer which i was in the mood for as well.

so,i get to the place and sit at the comfortable wooden bar, order my beer and look at the menu even though i already know what i want....

as i peruse the items, i see they have some pastas that sound good and healthy ...and of course with all the running, i need carbs....so, instead of the more greasy/fattening fish-n-chips, i order what i think will be a decent plate of bowtie pasta with some kind of tomato sauce.

i began eating it and let me tell you, it was such a major disappointment! it was almost tasteless. i was sooo bummed.

bummed beacause i was looking forward to eating out....

as i sat there, eating my less than mediocre pasta, i thought to myself, "lesson: go for the freakin' grease. get what you want."

...now i know why i often order the same things when i go to the same restaurants over and over. it's not that i am oppossed to trying new things; i just like what i like and when you looks forward to it, a mediocre or bad meal just sucks.

a bit about your hostess

i don’t own a digital camera

i have approximately 15 pairs of tennis shoes

i don’t understand the need to climb mt everest and such places

i have no tattooes and would never get any

i’ve never had a manicure or pedicure

i stole a bottle of peach schnapps when i was 17, got drunk with 2 boys who were my best friends and fell into the San Leandro Marina.

i’m a pro at Galaga, Pac-Man, Centipede, and Pinball games

i would be afraid to go scuba diving

i wanted and possible secretly still do want to be either an FBI agent, CIA agent or Detective

i love going to a nice spa for massage

i miss the water (landlocked over here in GA)

sometimes, i think i want to move to a 3rd world country

i LOVE rollercoasters, water balloon tosses, & pillow fights

i did very poorly on SAT

friends snorted cocaine in front of me in high school while i declined

i often feel like i don’t belong anywhere

i’m afraid to die

i want to be crermated

i aim to be grateful everyday for all i am and all i have

I can do a headstand, cartwheel and roundoff

i’m not a very good swimmer

i am mostly bored by shopping of any kind, except probably running shoes!

i often flirt with waitresses

i’m moody

right now my life mainly consists of working, running & reading

i love a good cosmopolitan

i love big, clean bathrooms
i love candles but can only seem to purchase 2 at a time

i don’t enjoy walking

my dream is to design my own house

i’ve dated someone who was once a stripper

i’ve had yucky coffee in Abilene, TX

i believe in a higher power/spiritual guidance

i loved going to church as a child, mostly because of the gathering aspect

i loved a boy, once

i don’t like it when people talk because they are uncomfortable with silence

i think i was a monk in a past life

i don’t know what to believe about this life -- afterwards

i don’t know how to drive a stickshift

i love to stand up, put my head back, extend my arms and TWIRL...


Cheers!

little thrill #2

when a woman has hair just long enough to put up, thereby exposing her beautiful long neck.

ahhh. so damn enticing.

wanna play?

ok. i'm gonna start writing a story and then at some point, i will stop and i hope the next visitor/blogger will pick it up and carry story on. either post it in the comments or carry it to your blog. i hope you will join me. i think it will be neat to see where the story goes...and what creative minds we have out there....say as much or as little as you want.



>>They sat at the small table in the crowded restaurant. Even at 9:30pm, the place was still fairly packed, although not too noisy. A near empty second bottle of Girard Petite Syrah stood on the table, next to the nearly fading, white, non-scented candle. She swirled the last bit of wine in her riedel glass. The delicate flame from the candle was illuminating what last little bit of red she had left. She looked across the table and said, "i've got to go to the restroom, i'll be right back."

She walked toward the back of the restuarant, passing the hostess who looked like she had just arrived. Her make-up looked fresh, not one strand of hair was out of place. How can that be, she mused to herself as she walked by. She sighed and made her way into the ladies room. It seemed empty and she was thankful. She went over to the sink with the golden colored faucet. The warm water felt soothing on her hands. She turned off the faucet, grabbed the white cloth from the brown wicker basket and dried her hands.
She looked up and started to slow her drying as she saw herself in the mirror.



(i hope u will pick it up from here....)

it's the little things that thrill

i absolutely love watching a beautiful woman put make-up on. sexy, sensual, hot.

(i am not even in to make-up. it's the ACT...)

mini-mini rant

can i just say that I really don't like doing that 'word verification' thing that some of ya'll have on your site. i always get tit wrong the first time. geez, are my eyes THAT bad.

Information: Part I

As I have mentioned before, I do not know my father. All I know is his first and last name. As is typical in my situation, I vacillate between wanting to try to find him and then not wanting to find him. Of course those usual questions arise such as: what will he look like? what will he be like? what will he do? will he turn away? is he a psycho-killer? is he a junkie? is he rich? will he want money from me?? Would he be someone I would want to spend time with? Does he have other children?

And then, of course, i sometimes think “well, why hasn’t he tried to find me?”
Maybe he has.

Maybe be has been unsuccessful since i do not bear his last name. The way the story was told to me by my grandmother was that he and my mother had a parting of the ways after she caught him in bed with another woman. And in spite, my mother gave me my brothers’ father’s last name. Now, listen. I’m not saying that is actually what happened. This is the story i was told by grandma who had a propensity to tell stories, and which i frequently questioned. However, knowing how much pride my mother had, I would not put it past her to do such a thing. Back then, i never had a choice as to what name i wanted. But, i am actually glad she have me the name i have. it’s much more interesting and always proves difficult for people to pronounce and misspell. And people always think i’m Italian, which i am not. Lots of questions always go through my mind: How am I like him? What physical characteristics do we share? Did I get my althletic ability from him? Would he like me? Would he be proud of me?

Dad. Pop. Daddy. Father. Papa

What would it have been like to grow up with a father? How might my life have been different? Better? Different. I cannot help but wonder how the lack of such a figure in my life has helped shape who i am. I think back to how there was a heavy concentration of men surrounding my early years, and yet not a single one of them was anything close to a father figure. Not a single one of them had qualities i would desire in a father. The men surrounding my life were criminals, drug addicts, thieves, gang members, jobless, and ambition-less. I surely did not look up to the uncle who frequently tried to stick his tongue down my throat or the one who was jobless, still lived with his mother, watched TV all day and sucked down beer after beer all night. I also did not look up to my cousins who were in gangs, hurting people, maybe even killing people, knocking up girls and using drugs. I looked in their eyes, stood in their presence and saw nothing to be proud of, nothing to look up to, nothing to admire, nothing i wanted to be near. Who did i look up to? Who did i admire?

Reflections

Yesterday, I was caught in a moment that left me feeling a bit teary and I did not know why. Here is what happened. As per usual, I stopped in at Starbucks in the early evening. I was in my own little world, having finished work and in a bit of a daze. It wasn't until the little young girl spoke that I came out of my daze. She says to the barista, "Can I have THAT chocolate chip cookie?" I looked at THAT cookie and saw the size of it. It was huge. I thought of saying to the girl, "wow, that cookie is almost as big as you are." But, I didn't. She was with an older, taller girl (but still young) who looked like she was her sister. Then, little girl asks the barista, "how much are your IZZE drinks?
Barista reply, "I don’t know. I have to scan it" Little girl walks over to the drinks and asks, which one is the cheapest.
Barista reply, "they are all the same." Little girl picks out the one she wanted and barista rung up her items.
As little girl unfolded the waded up dollars in her hand, she heard the total and said, "oh, I don’t have enough. I will have to put the drink back."

In a total spontaneous moment, I said, "oh, I'll get it." The little girl looked at me and was going to hand me the drink as though she thought I was going to buy it for myself. I said, "no, I'll get it for you." It was a little jumbled. She looked confused, the barista looked confused, the other girl looked confused. After payment was made and everything settled, older girl says to me in her wide, brace-laden smile, "that was very nice. Thank you."
Then to her sister (?) "did you say thank you?" Little girl thanks me and they move on. I then ordered a tall half regualr, half decaf coffee and as I do so, I realize I feel such tenderness. My eyes water. The Barista fella just smiles at me.

Why did this moment touch me so? As the evening went on and I went about my business, it came to me when I wasn't even thinking of it…I knew why…

Because as so many things have been on my mind lately, one of those things is family and connection and the absense of blood-related family. I am struck by the not new realization that this is it for me. No kids. Nothing of me will go on. No trait or characteristic solely belonging to me will be passed to anyone else. Of course, I made a decision long ago that I never wanted to bear a child. I have never wanted the experience of being pregnant. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of adopting a child. Well, unless I come into some windfall of money, that will not happen either. Perhaps because of my age, 36, I am realizing some of the lost opportunities. I do not regret my choice to not want to give birth, but this does not mean that I don't feel loss of that opportunity to care for and teach and nuture and love a little human being as they make their way into this world.
I know there are plenty of other ways to be involved in a childs life, but its not the same. And there are other things involved too. I have never known my father and my mother is deceased and I was THEIR only offspring. So, truly, I am it. Something about that stoppage is sad to me.
I envy people who have long lineages. People who truly can talk about their family tree, their history. It's neat and valuable, in my opinion.

With every choice, we are making a decision that will involve loss and gain. Sometimes, I don’t think we realize what we lose, yet it seems we see the gains so soon. In a perfect world, I would have had the money and the stability both inner and outer, to adopt a child when I was a it younger. Of course, there would be no physical charateristics, but I would have had an opportunity to be a part of a life in a very unique way.

This is all sort of coming from who knows where…thanks for listening.

Machete me in two, my love
For like the thin blade
I make myself thin and
Stradle the tightrope
Caught between the worlds of
Leaving & Staying
Pressing or Abandoning
Taking Care &
Caring for

Let the tip of the blade
Poke just underneath my chin
As the chill it would surely cause
Is the same as i sit here now
With my vodka glass, worn eyes
And a shakily written letter to you,
My love,
Crease and tear me down the middle
Leave the edges jagged
For surely,
That is how I will be
Jagged, rugged,
Bent, even
From the time of cowardice
That yanked, shook and shaped me
Into a person who could not jump
But only be pushed.

uurrrr

I seldom vent on this blog, but this is a vent today directed at the coffee shop employees, customers in the deli line and in the grocery line.

1)Don’t stand and talk to your co-workers about personal things while customers are waiting. They should be your first priority. It is especially rude if you make eye contact with customer, and CONTINUE to chat away with co-worker!

2)Don't stand there and chit-chat with customers about their hair, their dog, the weather or your boyfriend while other customers are waiting. (it's wonderful that you are being friendly, but while you are being oh so nice to customer A, customer B, C, D, E etc.. Are getting angry


3)Don’t be on the phone while you are trying to order from the DELI

4)Don't get all the way up to the DELI person asking for your order and THEN decide what you want

5)Don't wait until your large grocery bill has been tallied before you decide to THEN open your purse and dig around for your check

untitled

His gangily wobbly head rested on my shoulder
His eyelids were closed, intermittenly fluttering
Beneath the robe was his body, a body i had laid next to for 34 years
I knew every crevice, every man made and non man made mark
I knew which parts worked well
Which ones didn’t
I knew his body as well as my own
Yet, I am not the owner
I am not the inhabitor
So although I, too, have a long history with this body
I know not what it feels,
i don’t know the violent spasms and convulsions
I don’t know the painful, relentless bouts of vomitting or
The panic driven breakdowns that make him flail about in a daze
Hurting himself
Sometimes,
Hurting me

Touching his forehead with my fingers
i am taken back to a time
when this head was between my legs, silently moving to give me sweet pleasure
To a time when this head poked through my 3rd floor apartment, bringing me chinese food when i couldn’t step away myself
I am lost in the memories when this man fought for me to return to him
That bitter fight on the corner that changed my life
Begging me to stay, to give us another chance
And such is our history,
34 years later,
and
what i know is
this head on my shoulder
The eyelids fluttering
The soft, quiet breath of his mouth
So close to mine lets me know his life

And, on this quiet rainy night
As the teardrops slide down my cheeks,
I am begging him to stay