3 Blog Lounge

For lunch I had a grilled cheese sandwich and fries and while writing this, I am drinking a Hot Cocoa. Either I am PMS or just needing comfort. Maybe both. I can't even tell you the last time I had a grilled chese....between here & a few other blogs, there has been mention of abstaining from alcohol...while i did not trip onto the 40 day wagon, i had undertaken a solo journey to abstain just to kinda clean out my system....it lasted 27 days. on the 28th day, i took myself out on a date(i realize some make think these is totally goofy!!) and had a delicious glass of wine and tasty small pates at Krog Bar. The wine was a white from Spain...very, very tasty. I sat outside on the small patio and just enjoyed myself and watched folks as they came and went. I made a phone call to my best friend in CA. Upon hearing that I had taken myself out on a date, she asked, "well, do you think you'll get lucky?". Both of us chuckling, I answered, "well, you know, I might...i just might." After spending quality time in thorough enjoyment, I paid the bill and left. AND, let me tell you, I AM NO CHEAP DATE.
...Sadly, the Giants have disappared into who the hell knows where in the West & i have no idea who to root for in the MLB Playoffs....I'm hoping Astros can sneak in ahead of the crashing Cardinals. Monday Night Football was a disgrace for Falcon Fans. I was happy for NO, but a total disgrace for the Black and Red Birds from A-Town.
One of gifts I received for birthday was a box of flowers from 2 friends in SF....2 dozen roses of various colors...white, yellow, pinkish, a variegated pink & orange....soooo pretty and aromatic. What dolls they are...friends that is....my one friend, a jew girl from back east, calls me KID(even though i am older), The card attached to the flowers said, "Happpy Birthday, Kid" and I smiled BIG. I could just hear my friends voice. Filled me up, ya know.
...It's getting cooler and i tossed another blanket onto my bed last night. i've got my favorite candle on my nighstand...a scent called MADAGASCAR. Madagascar...off the southeast side of Africa....now, that is a place I'd like to visit...

35 Down!

As I embark on the 36th year of my life, I thougt to share 35 things about me with ya'll. Hopefully, things I have not yet shared in previous blogs.

I was captian of my high school soccer team. I wear glasses. I spent the early years of my life in the projects of San Francisco(now known as drug central). I once put up bond money for a friend to get out of jail. I was in the hospital for my 13th birthday. I wear bandanas at least once a day, though never at work. I love to gamble. I have boxes and boxes of journals from the past. I was a loner in school. I fell in love with Jamie Lee Curtis after watching her in Halloween. My most memorable XMAS gift was a red pair of Nikes(when i was so sure we couldn't afford them). I don't know my father. I drive a Nissan Xterra. I am skittish about swimming in open water because of JAWS. I've never been to Florida. I write to a brother who is locked up. I placed 3rd in my elementary school spelling bee when I was in the 6th grade. I loved to be picked up and swung around. I enjoyed going to our catholic church as a child. I love doing crosswords from the newspaper. I have a BS in Kinesiology. I dream about competing in the Hawaii Ironman. I seldom cook for myself. I have run 4 marathons and countless smaller distance races on legs doctors thought may never walk again. I don't like gardening. I love to iron, vacuum, and wash clothes. I am a minimalist. I smoked clove cigarrets a lot in my early 20's. i love to dance. I just bought the newest IPOD NANO. I have a hard time saying the words, "I need". I'm working on a book; a memoir. Toni Collette is my newest favorite actress. I buried my grandmother. And my mother.

How You Won't Find Me...

I am not an ambivalent person. To me, ambivalence would kill my spirit, my soul....a very slow and painful death it would be.

To be energized, to be stung, to be caught up in a moment with a love, a loathing, a lusting, a devastation, a thrill..these are the experiences that make my life rich and that make me whole. if i am not sometimes goofy, mad, frustrated, silly, sweet, lonely, lost, loving, playful, rageful....than what am i if not just a bump on a log. That has never been me. That will never be me. I want it all. Bring it. Show it. Appreciate it. Welcome it. Even when it hurts.

Life has shown a few things so very clearly...that there are 2 sides to everything: birth and death. sadness and happiness. creation and destruction. a smile and a frown.

To me, there is nothing more gratifying than seeing, showing, and experiencing the full range of myself or another. We are not stones. We are human beings. We were once all children, infants....they are the ultimate displayers of the wide ranges of emotions. Going from happiness and joy in one moment to tears and screams in the next. They are never shy about expressing all of what is inside.

I believe in being in the moment.Truly. Being in the moment. Because it is all I have. Right now. And because of this, i so easily fall in love...with moments.

This Is the Best Coffee in the Nation. You heard it here, folks.
Peet's Coffee started in Berkeley, CA. and has grown quite bit over the years, but no where near(and thankfully) the growth and penetration of





Now, let me say that I am BOTH a Peet's fan & a Starbucks fan. For different reasons. Peet's stores are full of dark brown colors, giving it a rich earthy feel. They mostly have very limited seating in the stores and are limited to only on a few states, with of course, heavy doses in California. (sadly, none in Georgia)

Peets drinkers are akin to MAC users(of which I am also)..they are loyal to the core. While Starbucks is a truly phenomenal company in the way they have branded themselves, it attracts a much different customer. The great thing about Peet's is that they don't want to be Starbucks. They have their own niche and they do well at it. I order their coffee online or bribe friends in the bay area to send me a pound or 2. For XMAS last year, i was lucky to receive 4 lbs all from different friends. They know how to get to my heart.

I enjoy Starbucks for what they offer: good coffee, generally great service, and a comfortable atmosphere and of couse, because they are in GA and Peets is not.

And if you don't believe me about Peet's, would you believe Oprah? Recently, I caught about 1 minute of her show in my office breakroom while I was getting water. She was saying how she started each day...with a cup of Peets and lo and behold, she had people bring in a cup of Peets to all her audience members. How great!

Anyways...I have no idea why I am writing this...I guess i just felt like sharing something.

Words..

The other night I was reading the NY Times Sunday Magazine and while I was reading, I came across a word that caught my eye. The word was BAFFLED. What a great word. I noticed several other words in this piece and I loved how they were used in the sentences. It made me think of how I really wish I had a better vocabulary. I want to have a greater variety of words. I wish I had them at my fingertips, but I don't. Or do I and it's just laziness? I mean, how often do I describle something as "great." Much, much too often. Sometimes, while writing, I can catch myself using words that I haven't used in a while, but not as often as I'd like. BAFFLED. It's such a great word. So descriptive. Can't you just picture it...someone looking BAFFLED?
What about you? Do you have a large vocabulary? Do you think it's brain laziness that makes us chose the same words over and over to descibe something?

ok..i'll play too.

10 Things to be PSYCHED about


1. I'm alive and healthy

2. I'm debt free

3. SF GIANTS are STILL in the PLAYOFF hunt

4. Falcons won their first game & I won a bet. Thanks, oddsmakers

5. I'm going to VEGAS in November & staying here…www.wynnlasvegas.com

6. I'm figuring out the whole iphoto thing on my apple laptop and excited about creating things with it…

7. NEW SURVIVOR starts tonight. Yes, I am a big fan. It's the ONLY reality show I watch & one of the only things I watch on TV besides sports

8. I'll be 36 yrs old soon & will buy myself one of the new ipod nanos that was just unveiled this week. (can you tell I am a APPLE fan??)

9. It APPEARS that decent movies will FINALLY be at the theaters….i'm crossing my fingers

10. FALL is THIS close with wonderful colors abound

Roll 'Em

Last week, I booked a trip to Vegas for November. Last NIGHT, I dreamt I won $4000.00 playing dice. DAMN! Too bad I'm not on a flight this morning...

notes from a pseudo 3-dot lounge

So, Tom is back in the news...apologized to B. Shields yet still believes what he does about anti-depressants and post partum depression...hmmm...and now gracing cover of Vanity Fair. I have 2 words about this "news" of them in the magazine as they call it: WHO CARES?

Onto more pleasant things...it's FRIDAY and although I don't physically feel 100%, I am looking forward to working out and stretching out on the couch to watch the final matches of THE US OPEN and of course, the NFL on Sunday. Though, I will not be able to watch my BROWNS on TV, i will root for them in my heart. Should be an interesting "test" as they face the city under sea level. I'm hoping, no, I'm EXPECTING Vick to crush 'em in Carolina and T.O. to, (unfortunately) catch many passes and keep talking smack. For my pals out in SF, I hope 49ers actually win a game and I really hope ELI shows he is better than PAYTON.

It will be a fun, sports-filled weekend. One of the best weekend in Sports, in my opinion. I'm just happy there are some interesting and good players to root for on the blue courts in NY. I hope the final matches are close, exhausting and dramatic....the way sports should be...

over and out.

a recent lightbulb...

last weekend, while having a conversation with best friend, a lightbulb went off. Don't ya just love it when that happens? Somehow the word, NURTURE, came into the conversation and i grew silent for a few minutes while pondering what that word actually means and how it is completely vacant from my vocabulary. And then i began to think of the differences between nurturing myself and taking care of myself. The lightbulb that went off and what led to the ensuing discussion with best friend was how I am a freakin' pro at taking care of myself, but i freakin' suck at Nurturing myself. I thank my very complicated, tragic and sad early years for my ability to take care of myself...(something good did come of all of it!!!) I can be on my own, i can travel alone, i can travel alone to places i've never been before and not freak out. i can completely fend for myself. i can go into suspect neighborhoods and not nearly be as afraid as the next person. i can manage my life. i can be without relationship for years and be fine. Now, nurture....eek...yikes... When i think of nurturing myself, very soft and warm images come to mind...softly speaking, soft hugs, warm soup, just softness....like a big soft blanket covering you up on the couch on a fall day. Don't get me wrong, i can definitley be soft and actually, a total mushball when i am with people i feel very safe with and who have known me a long time...but right now, at this point in my life, i feel like my toughness has been around for sooo long. I am in a job environment that is totally dominated by men and my toughness just organically comes out. Also, my determination and dedication to things like a marathon keep me in a "tough" state of mind. I feel like even my interactions with others is tough or rough...not very compassionate. The closest things i do to nurture myself now are getting massages and having quiet time to stretch in my house. The lightbulb was so blinding to me because I am so out of balance and i need to find it. I'd like to tell you that i have already begun...the awareness is always the first and biggest step and now I find myself a few times a day asking myself..."how are you going to nurture yourself today?" Even if i don't have an answer, i don't care. It's the question alone that makes me stop, and in the asking i am able to come back "home" to a place where i know i can. I have begun by taking a better and closer look at my diet, which doesn't necessarily include bad food, but not nearly enough food for the amount of energy i spend. i need to feed my BODY better.
I have a lot to think about, but this is a great first step.

of course, it is great to be able to take care of oneself. we all need that. and we need to nuture. so, my friends, i ask you...are you nuturing yourself?

Once Upon A Time...

There were two young women. One lived upstairs, one lived downstairs. One had blond, short messy-straight hair and one had short, brown, crazy curly hair. Once had blue eyes, one brown. One day, the blond, blue-eyed one knocked on the door of the other. "Can I borrow an egg? I'm baking and I need one more egg." The dark haired girl said "of course. c'mon up". They walked upsatirs to the main part of the apartment to get the egg.

They have been best friends ever since.

time to guess...

ok. I will give you 4 clues to where i will be going for the next 5 days (starting tomorrow, thurs) sorry T2, YOU DON'T GET TO PLAY! :)
what does the winner get? Nothing except the full knowledge of your great skills

Clues

1. this place multi-culture friendly
2. chevy chase was in a movie filmed in this city
3. sigourney weaver was in a movie filmed in this city
4. Pedro Feliz & Ray Durham play on a sports team in this city
5. has many "toy" establishments

slap me 5

got this from

excavate

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Just returning to Sonoma County, Ca. after being on the road for 3 months - traveled all around the country(except pacific northwest) by myself in my car (then a white honda CRX)

What were you doing one year ago?

Recovering from my 4th marathon done in San Francisco

Five snacks you enjoy:

Kettle Chips-any flavor
Red Licorice
Unsalted Almonds
Salami
Cheese

Five songs you know all the words to:

Black Horse and Cherry Tree
How do you like me Now
How Soon is Now
Macarthur Park
Let's Dance

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

Buy a house in Lake Tahoe tucked away in the woods
Own a running shoe/apparel store
Travel
Donate to favorite charities
Invest

Five things you would never wear again:

Anything that doesn't fit anymore
A tie
Short shorts
A headband
Can't think of anything else

Five favorite toys:

Old pinball machines
Cards
Scrabble
Puzzles
Handheld games like football

remember the ad libs? Fill in the Blanks...

My answers are in Parentheses

I like my coffee________________.(1/2 & 1/2 & a bit of brown sugar) While, sipping
my coffee, I really like to______________.(read the newspaper or journal). If i am
really struggling, energy wise, later in the day, I will have ________________
(starbucks cappuccino) or ____________(SoBe Adrenaline Rush) to pick me up.

On my way to work, I listen to _______________(NPR or 92.9 dave fm). I ___________
enjoy)my commute to work, except when__________________(i am running late &
traffic is bad). I'm so glad I don't_____________________. (live where i have to
take a train, like i used to in SF!)

Today I am feeling_________________(ok, but a bit disoriented) and i really wish
that after work, I could _________________(get a foot massage)
I also wish i had enought money to________________(go to a spa in santa barbara for
a week. But, that will have to wait for now.

Last night, I drank __________________(a cappuccino, water, then a Cosmopolitan)
and thought about________________________(my upcoming trip to SF). It made me feel
kinda _________________.(happy/excited)

As the weekend nears, I am looking forward to ___________________. (good weather,
good workouts,good food). I really need to _____________________(buy clothes) and i
hope i get to do that also.



Kinda Silly, but i hope some of you play.

Urges

Urges I often have, but don't act upon:

1. Give someone a lift who is waiting for the bus, especially in very hot or cold weather
2. Put a $20 in a sleeping street person's lap
3. Pull up the pants of those wearing them around their ankles
4. Yell at a parent who is screaming at their child in public
5. Tell overweight people i see exercising how great it is that they are exercising & offer encouragement
6. Talk to people in the elevator(why do we all just stand there and watch the numbers go up, go down??)


Urges I have had AND acted upon

1. told a stranger they were very attractive when they were (with no interest on my part)
2. let people in my life know how much i love, care for them
3. holler out my vehicle window when i am happy
4. look like a fool...for love
5. dance in my apartment full-on with spinning, and shouting the words out in my very BAD singing voice
6. won & lost hundreds of $ in casinos on crazy bets

what are some of your done and not done urges?

for Trinity2

Scars

aren't scars intersting? or do you find them ugly? I find them fascinating. I have a lot of scars on my body. i have 10 alone on my two legs. they range in size from very large to small, but not tiny. i think i got my first scar when i was about 6 or 7. when i look at my scars, i am not embarassed or shy about them. they are a part of me and show the life i have lived, this far.

do you have scars? like them? hate them? like them on others, but not yourself?

just curious...

I got this from

unbalanced

9 Lasts:
1. Last place you were: Co-workers Office
2. Last drug used: Paxil
3. Last beverage: Starbucks YUKON Coffee, Grande
4. Last Kiss: KEO
5. Last movie seen: The Night Listener
6. Last phone call: client
7. Last CD played: Enigma-The Cross of Changes
8. Last bubble bath: YEARS ago
9. Last time you cried: few days ago

8 Have You Evers:
1. Have you ever dated someone twice: Yes
2. Have you ever been cheated on: Yes
3. Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: NO
4. Have you ever fallen in love: Yes
5. Have you ever lost someone: Yes
6. Have you ever been depressed: Yes
7. Have you ever been out of the country: yes, England,France,Thailand, Nepal
8. Have you ever been on TV: maybe...

7 States You've Been to:
1. Texas
2. California
3. Arizona
4. Nevada
5. New Mexico
6. Oregon
7. Louisiana
8. Alabama
9. Mississippi
10. Georgia
11. North Carolina
12. South Carolina
13. Tennessee
14. Virginia/D.C.
15. New York
16. Massachusetts
17. Vermont
18. Connecticut
19. Pennsylvania
20. Ohio
21. Illinois
22. Iowa
23. Colorado
24. Nebraska
25. New Jersey

6 Things You've Done Today...
1. Went to Starbucks
2. Worked
3. Blogged
4. Blog hopped
5. Ironed my clothes
6. Brushed my teeth
7. Ate a banana

5 Favorite Things:
1. doing the crossword
2. margaritas
3. a good workout
4. reading
5. traveling

4 People You Can Tell Almost Anything:
1. hh
2. dk


3 Favorite Colors
1. Orange
2. Forest Green
3. Navy Blue

2 things you want to do before you die.
1. complete an IRONMAN Triathlon
2. travel to south america

1 thing you regret...
1. nothing

this world....

i find myself so disturbed by the events of the world, especially as of late. the "war" is israel/lebanon; the death that happened in our community, all the freaking news i hear every day about someone killing their child, their mother, etc...and then the blow of yesterday...
as i listened to last nights news, the newsman said they are not even sure they caught the whole plan!
I am not angry. I found myself sad and scared, actually. I feel like i want to go hide somewhere. But where, where are we safe?

Maybe Hawaii??? I never hear of bad things in Hawaii. Maybe i ought to check it out.

ak-nelec

this morning, i dripped from thoughts of you
a secret that came leaking out...
i thought to drown myself, but halted

and let it stay as a remembrance of what is true, what is real
if only for a moment, if only for a moment

2 moments

this morning, i caught a bit of sunrise and whenever i do, i am often reminded of a time i spent in thailand/nepal in 1992. i had woken on my final day in bangkok and was waiting for a taxi to take me to the airport. i caught an amazing and beautiful sunrise that morning that i have never forgotten. i was flying home after 2 weeks on the other side of the world! it was a precious moment. after flying home to San Francisco(at the time), i took a taxi home and went to sleep. I woke the next morning very early and went up to my roof with a cup of coffee....to catch the sunrise in San Francisco. It was gorgeous. I was overwhelmed with the fact that i had caught these two beautiful moments in two entirely different places...separated only by space and time.

here's to the moments that make us stop.

Cheers