3 Blog Lounge

For lunch I had a grilled cheese sandwich and fries and while writing this, I am drinking a Hot Cocoa. Either I am PMS or just needing comfort. Maybe both. I can't even tell you the last time I had a grilled chese....between here & a few other blogs, there has been mention of abstaining from alcohol...while i did not trip onto the 40 day wagon, i had undertaken a solo journey to abstain just to kinda clean out my system....it lasted 27 days. on the 28th day, i took myself out on a date(i realize some make think these is totally goofy!!) and had a delicious glass of wine and tasty small pates at Krog Bar. The wine was a white from Spain...very, very tasty. I sat outside on the small patio and just enjoyed myself and watched folks as they came and went. I made a phone call to my best friend in CA. Upon hearing that I had taken myself out on a date, she asked, "well, do you think you'll get lucky?". Both of us chuckling, I answered, "well, you know, I might...i just might." After spending quality time in thorough enjoyment, I paid the bill and left. AND, let me tell you, I AM NO CHEAP DATE.
...Sadly, the Giants have disappared into who the hell knows where in the West & i have no idea who to root for in the MLB Playoffs....I'm hoping Astros can sneak in ahead of the crashing Cardinals. Monday Night Football was a disgrace for Falcon Fans. I was happy for NO, but a total disgrace for the Black and Red Birds from A-Town.
One of gifts I received for birthday was a box of flowers from 2 friends in SF....2 dozen roses of various colors...white, yellow, pinkish, a variegated pink & orange....soooo pretty and aromatic. What dolls they are...friends that is....my one friend, a jew girl from back east, calls me KID(even though i am older), The card attached to the flowers said, "Happpy Birthday, Kid" and I smiled BIG. I could just hear my friends voice. Filled me up, ya know.
...It's getting cooler and i tossed another blanket onto my bed last night. i've got my favorite candle on my nighstand...a scent called MADAGASCAR. Madagascar...off the southeast side of Africa....now, that is a place I'd like to visit...

35 Down!

As I embark on the 36th year of my life, I thougt to share 35 things about me with ya'll. Hopefully, things I have not yet shared in previous blogs.

I was captian of my high school soccer team. I wear glasses. I spent the early years of my life in the projects of San Francisco(now known as drug central). I once put up bond money for a friend to get out of jail. I was in the hospital for my 13th birthday. I wear bandanas at least once a day, though never at work. I love to gamble. I have boxes and boxes of journals from the past. I was a loner in school. I fell in love with Jamie Lee Curtis after watching her in Halloween. My most memorable XMAS gift was a red pair of Nikes(when i was so sure we couldn't afford them). I don't know my father. I drive a Nissan Xterra. I am skittish about swimming in open water because of JAWS. I've never been to Florida. I write to a brother who is locked up. I placed 3rd in my elementary school spelling bee when I was in the 6th grade. I loved to be picked up and swung around. I enjoyed going to our catholic church as a child. I love doing crosswords from the newspaper. I have a BS in Kinesiology. I dream about competing in the Hawaii Ironman. I seldom cook for myself. I have run 4 marathons and countless smaller distance races on legs doctors thought may never walk again. I don't like gardening. I love to iron, vacuum, and wash clothes. I am a minimalist. I smoked clove cigarrets a lot in my early 20's. i love to dance. I just bought the newest IPOD NANO. I have a hard time saying the words, "I need". I'm working on a book; a memoir. Toni Collette is my newest favorite actress. I buried my grandmother. And my mother.

How You Won't Find Me...

I am not an ambivalent person. To me, ambivalence would kill my spirit, my soul....a very slow and painful death it would be.

To be energized, to be stung, to be caught up in a moment with a love, a loathing, a lusting, a devastation, a thrill..these are the experiences that make my life rich and that make me whole. if i am not sometimes goofy, mad, frustrated, silly, sweet, lonely, lost, loving, playful, rageful....than what am i if not just a bump on a log. That has never been me. That will never be me. I want it all. Bring it. Show it. Appreciate it. Welcome it. Even when it hurts.

Life has shown a few things so very clearly...that there are 2 sides to everything: birth and death. sadness and happiness. creation and destruction. a smile and a frown.

To me, there is nothing more gratifying than seeing, showing, and experiencing the full range of myself or another. We are not stones. We are human beings. We were once all children, infants....they are the ultimate displayers of the wide ranges of emotions. Going from happiness and joy in one moment to tears and screams in the next. They are never shy about expressing all of what is inside.

I believe in being in the moment.Truly. Being in the moment. Because it is all I have. Right now. And because of this, i so easily fall in love...with moments.

This Is the Best Coffee in the Nation. You heard it here, folks.
Peet's Coffee started in Berkeley, CA. and has grown quite bit over the years, but no where near(and thankfully) the growth and penetration of





Now, let me say that I am BOTH a Peet's fan & a Starbucks fan. For different reasons. Peet's stores are full of dark brown colors, giving it a rich earthy feel. They mostly have very limited seating in the stores and are limited to only on a few states, with of course, heavy doses in California. (sadly, none in Georgia)

Peets drinkers are akin to MAC users(of which I am also)..they are loyal to the core. While Starbucks is a truly phenomenal company in the way they have branded themselves, it attracts a much different customer. The great thing about Peet's is that they don't want to be Starbucks. They have their own niche and they do well at it. I order their coffee online or bribe friends in the bay area to send me a pound or 2. For XMAS last year, i was lucky to receive 4 lbs all from different friends. They know how to get to my heart.

I enjoy Starbucks for what they offer: good coffee, generally great service, and a comfortable atmosphere and of couse, because they are in GA and Peets is not.

And if you don't believe me about Peet's, would you believe Oprah? Recently, I caught about 1 minute of her show in my office breakroom while I was getting water. She was saying how she started each day...with a cup of Peets and lo and behold, she had people bring in a cup of Peets to all her audience members. How great!

Anyways...I have no idea why I am writing this...I guess i just felt like sharing something.

Words..

The other night I was reading the NY Times Sunday Magazine and while I was reading, I came across a word that caught my eye. The word was BAFFLED. What a great word. I noticed several other words in this piece and I loved how they were used in the sentences. It made me think of how I really wish I had a better vocabulary. I want to have a greater variety of words. I wish I had them at my fingertips, but I don't. Or do I and it's just laziness? I mean, how often do I describle something as "great." Much, much too often. Sometimes, while writing, I can catch myself using words that I haven't used in a while, but not as often as I'd like. BAFFLED. It's such a great word. So descriptive. Can't you just picture it...someone looking BAFFLED?
What about you? Do you have a large vocabulary? Do you think it's brain laziness that makes us chose the same words over and over to descibe something?

ok..i'll play too.

10 Things to be PSYCHED about


1. I'm alive and healthy

2. I'm debt free

3. SF GIANTS are STILL in the PLAYOFF hunt

4. Falcons won their first game & I won a bet. Thanks, oddsmakers

5. I'm going to VEGAS in November & staying here…www.wynnlasvegas.com

6. I'm figuring out the whole iphoto thing on my apple laptop and excited about creating things with it…

7. NEW SURVIVOR starts tonight. Yes, I am a big fan. It's the ONLY reality show I watch & one of the only things I watch on TV besides sports

8. I'll be 36 yrs old soon & will buy myself one of the new ipod nanos that was just unveiled this week. (can you tell I am a APPLE fan??)

9. It APPEARS that decent movies will FINALLY be at the theaters….i'm crossing my fingers

10. FALL is THIS close with wonderful colors abound

Roll 'Em

Last week, I booked a trip to Vegas for November. Last NIGHT, I dreamt I won $4000.00 playing dice. DAMN! Too bad I'm not on a flight this morning...

notes from a pseudo 3-dot lounge

So, Tom is back in the news...apologized to B. Shields yet still believes what he does about anti-depressants and post partum depression...hmmm...and now gracing cover of Vanity Fair. I have 2 words about this "news" of them in the magazine as they call it: WHO CARES?

Onto more pleasant things...it's FRIDAY and although I don't physically feel 100%, I am looking forward to working out and stretching out on the couch to watch the final matches of THE US OPEN and of course, the NFL on Sunday. Though, I will not be able to watch my BROWNS on TV, i will root for them in my heart. Should be an interesting "test" as they face the city under sea level. I'm hoping, no, I'm EXPECTING Vick to crush 'em in Carolina and T.O. to, (unfortunately) catch many passes and keep talking smack. For my pals out in SF, I hope 49ers actually win a game and I really hope ELI shows he is better than PAYTON.

It will be a fun, sports-filled weekend. One of the best weekend in Sports, in my opinion. I'm just happy there are some interesting and good players to root for on the blue courts in NY. I hope the final matches are close, exhausting and dramatic....the way sports should be...

over and out.

a recent lightbulb...

last weekend, while having a conversation with best friend, a lightbulb went off. Don't ya just love it when that happens? Somehow the word, NURTURE, came into the conversation and i grew silent for a few minutes while pondering what that word actually means and how it is completely vacant from my vocabulary. And then i began to think of the differences between nurturing myself and taking care of myself. The lightbulb that went off and what led to the ensuing discussion with best friend was how I am a freakin' pro at taking care of myself, but i freakin' suck at Nurturing myself. I thank my very complicated, tragic and sad early years for my ability to take care of myself...(something good did come of all of it!!!) I can be on my own, i can travel alone, i can travel alone to places i've never been before and not freak out. i can completely fend for myself. i can go into suspect neighborhoods and not nearly be as afraid as the next person. i can manage my life. i can be without relationship for years and be fine. Now, nurture....eek...yikes... When i think of nurturing myself, very soft and warm images come to mind...softly speaking, soft hugs, warm soup, just softness....like a big soft blanket covering you up on the couch on a fall day. Don't get me wrong, i can definitley be soft and actually, a total mushball when i am with people i feel very safe with and who have known me a long time...but right now, at this point in my life, i feel like my toughness has been around for sooo long. I am in a job environment that is totally dominated by men and my toughness just organically comes out. Also, my determination and dedication to things like a marathon keep me in a "tough" state of mind. I feel like even my interactions with others is tough or rough...not very compassionate. The closest things i do to nurture myself now are getting massages and having quiet time to stretch in my house. The lightbulb was so blinding to me because I am so out of balance and i need to find it. I'd like to tell you that i have already begun...the awareness is always the first and biggest step and now I find myself a few times a day asking myself..."how are you going to nurture yourself today?" Even if i don't have an answer, i don't care. It's the question alone that makes me stop, and in the asking i am able to come back "home" to a place where i know i can. I have begun by taking a better and closer look at my diet, which doesn't necessarily include bad food, but not nearly enough food for the amount of energy i spend. i need to feed my BODY better.
I have a lot to think about, but this is a great first step.

of course, it is great to be able to take care of oneself. we all need that. and we need to nuture. so, my friends, i ask you...are you nuturing yourself?